I've not written on this blog for most of this month. Part of me says that this is self-sabotage because now I can't even claim to have kept with my goal of writing on the blog regularly for the whole year (I came so close!).
The other part of me says that it is because I've come to feel that this is a futile gesture--the blog had become a place for me to indicate that I still hadn't changed anything about my life. I have remained the same uncertain woman who looked at her 41st birthday and didn't know how to accomplish my goals. My house is messy. My novel unfinished. I have a stack of projects that I say I want to do but I spend my days not working on them. I have panic attacks and and unemployed. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to my 42nd birthday with any great joy. I won't be the person I said I wanted to be a year ago.
I realized that writing in this blog was not helping me to reach my goals (other than the goal to write in the blog). I decided to take some time off (and figured that it wasn't like anyone would miss me, since I have few followers).
Unfortunately, it wasn't the blog that was keeping me from my goals. I remain the same person I was before. Nothing new has been accomplished. Sure, I rolled down a hill (it was fun! it was also on my 41 Things to Do List), but otherwise the time has resulted in few accomplishments.
Breaking bad habits is a hard task. I have years of inertia and fear built up. Breaking through this has been difficult. I have desire to do it but apparently not enough willpower.
I'm going to try again and I'll check in again soon with my report. I will definitely write again as my birthday nears (at the end of March). I want to be heading down the correct road when my birthday rolls around, even if I haven't found my destination.
Showing posts with label 41 Things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 41 Things. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Monthly Evaluation: Birthday Countdown!
The end of January is already past, and since I was out of town, I did not do my normal evaluation of my progress. Perhaps it is for the best, since I've spent most of these months simply explaining how I've not made much progress and then setting goals for myself for the next month.
Not much different this time, I think.
I am less than two months until my birthday and all I've managed to prove with this year is that habits are really hard to break. Having been one type of person for 41 years, I am having difficulty being a different kind of person for my 42nd year. I wanted to improve some of my flaws, particularly the procrastinating and disorganized part, and find a career/life for myself which I could be happy with, but I continue to be unemployed, messy/disorganized, and procrastinating.
It is very discouraging to find that good intentions are harder to turn into good, consistent action. I am excellent at planning to change. The problem, for me, is always in the execution.
In the same way, I am excellent at planning novels, but the actual job of writing them seems to be much harder to maintain.
Even things I really want to do (my novels, my 41 Things To Do list, etc.) are pushed off. I have started so many projects over the past few months but can point to hardly anything I've finished.
All I can do is hope that my increasing frustration with myself and the upcoming deadline will force me to get myself into gear and get some things done.
Not much different this time, I think.
I am less than two months until my birthday and all I've managed to prove with this year is that habits are really hard to break. Having been one type of person for 41 years, I am having difficulty being a different kind of person for my 42nd year. I wanted to improve some of my flaws, particularly the procrastinating and disorganized part, and find a career/life for myself which I could be happy with, but I continue to be unemployed, messy/disorganized, and procrastinating.
It is very discouraging to find that good intentions are harder to turn into good, consistent action. I am excellent at planning to change. The problem, for me, is always in the execution.
In the same way, I am excellent at planning novels, but the actual job of writing them seems to be much harder to maintain.
Even things I really want to do (my novels, my 41 Things To Do list, etc.) are pushed off. I have started so many projects over the past few months but can point to hardly anything I've finished.
All I can do is hope that my increasing frustration with myself and the upcoming deadline will force me to get myself into gear and get some things done.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Cute Shoes: A Breakthrough for Me
Yesterday I took a gift card from a family member and bought some much needed shoes. I got a practical pair (the sort of things I always wear) but I also bought one pair of silly little sandals because I thought they were cute.
"You may be saying, so what? You are a woman and you bought shoes. Pretty normal." Actually, for me that was a bit of a big step.
You see, I really hate shoe shopping. I have very few shoes, and when I do shoe shop it is always for practical shoes. I own a pair of comfortable tennis shoes and then two pairs of comfortable black flats with big cushy rubber soles (my everyday shoes). I have a few others which I seldom wear but bought years ago because I needed them (a pair of white heels I wore two or three times with a specific dress for an event, etc.), but I've never liked shoes.
In my list of "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" I included a line about buying a pair of sandals that were fun. Now I've done it. I have a pair of shoes I really love which may not be great walking shoes but I can slip on for short events for fun when I want to feel special. They aren't that fancy and were actually pretty cheap, but the important thing is that they are totally different than anything I usually wear and I adore them. Having that sort of positive feeling about footwear is weird, but I'm going with it. It's so nice to try something different and indulge myself a little.
I know that the first time I wear them out, I'll be excited just to have them on. Footwear never excites me so it is nice to experience what so many women apparently do--the simple joys of feeling special because of something like footwear. It's silly and I'm not going to be like some women and buy 60 pairs of shoes, but I think that one slightly impractical but fun pair of shoes is a good thing for me. I can't wear practical loafer/flats in simple styles and one color every day for my whole life. It's a boring way to live. Sometimes we have to stretch ourselves and try new experiences. This is my small gesture towards that.
"You may be saying, so what? You are a woman and you bought shoes. Pretty normal." Actually, for me that was a bit of a big step.
You see, I really hate shoe shopping. I have very few shoes, and when I do shoe shop it is always for practical shoes. I own a pair of comfortable tennis shoes and then two pairs of comfortable black flats with big cushy rubber soles (my everyday shoes). I have a few others which I seldom wear but bought years ago because I needed them (a pair of white heels I wore two or three times with a specific dress for an event, etc.), but I've never liked shoes.
In my list of "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" I included a line about buying a pair of sandals that were fun. Now I've done it. I have a pair of shoes I really love which may not be great walking shoes but I can slip on for short events for fun when I want to feel special. They aren't that fancy and were actually pretty cheap, but the important thing is that they are totally different than anything I usually wear and I adore them. Having that sort of positive feeling about footwear is weird, but I'm going with it. It's so nice to try something different and indulge myself a little.
I know that the first time I wear them out, I'll be excited just to have them on. Footwear never excites me so it is nice to experience what so many women apparently do--the simple joys of feeling special because of something like footwear. It's silly and I'm not going to be like some women and buy 60 pairs of shoes, but I think that one slightly impractical but fun pair of shoes is a good thing for me. I can't wear practical loafer/flats in simple styles and one color every day for my whole life. It's a boring way to live. Sometimes we have to stretch ourselves and try new experiences. This is my small gesture towards that.
Monday, December 27, 2010
December: Monthly Update
Another month has come around. Every year I feel like time is moving more swiftly and this year has been no exception. The past month has been particularly fast forwarding, with all the holiday season plans and projects. I can't believe how soon my 42nd birthday is from today. I really need to get moving on my projects if I want to feel satisfied with myself when my birthday rolls around.
Here's my status so far:
Cleaning/Organizing: some success and some setbacks. The front of the house looks pretty good (had company over) but I sacrificed a clean office for it as I moved a lot of half-finished stuff in there to make the rest of the house look nice. I now need to pull that stuff back out.
Half-Finished Projects: Still have too many projects to do and a lot of stuff started that I haven't finished.
Jobs: No interviews in over two months for me, and only phone interviews from my husband in just as long. No job prospects on the horizon. I have a few things to apply for, my portfolio to finish, and some references to gather for one job application. Otherwise, we need to work on projects which could bring in money.
41 Things list: No progress at all. I need to print out that list and plan some of them for January. I'd love to have most of them finished before my birthday, like the plan called for but which looks harder to do. I think I have only 1/4 of them done.
My Plan for January:
No resolutions for me--not anymore than what I already resolved for this year-long project. I will continue to work on my goals for this year before I turn 42--to organize myself, get better about completing projects (including my novel), and to find out what I really want to do with my life (like a job, etc). I wanted to explore my life and figure out how to make myself happier and more successful. That's what I'll continue to work on in January.
It's been quite a 2010. I lost my job and turned 41 in the same week. I ran a large event with national publicity (and lost money on that event) while completing several interesting personal projects. I wrote in a blog on a regular basis (something I've never kept up with before--but struggle to come up with content and have few readers--hi there reader, speak up if you are joining in on my quest). I cleaned, organized, and found myself disorganized again, several times this year, and discovered that I have a really hard time with procrastination and completing projects, even ones I claim I really want to do. I wrote on my novel but haven't managed to complete the first draft even with a good start at NaNoWriMo. It's been a complex year.
I hope that I can make 2011 a better year. I know it is up to me.
Here's my status so far:
Cleaning/Organizing: some success and some setbacks. The front of the house looks pretty good (had company over) but I sacrificed a clean office for it as I moved a lot of half-finished stuff in there to make the rest of the house look nice. I now need to pull that stuff back out.
Half-Finished Projects: Still have too many projects to do and a lot of stuff started that I haven't finished.
Jobs: No interviews in over two months for me, and only phone interviews from my husband in just as long. No job prospects on the horizon. I have a few things to apply for, my portfolio to finish, and some references to gather for one job application. Otherwise, we need to work on projects which could bring in money.
41 Things list: No progress at all. I need to print out that list and plan some of them for January. I'd love to have most of them finished before my birthday, like the plan called for but which looks harder to do. I think I have only 1/4 of them done.
My Plan for January:
No resolutions for me--not anymore than what I already resolved for this year-long project. I will continue to work on my goals for this year before I turn 42--to organize myself, get better about completing projects (including my novel), and to find out what I really want to do with my life (like a job, etc). I wanted to explore my life and figure out how to make myself happier and more successful. That's what I'll continue to work on in January.
It's been quite a 2010. I lost my job and turned 41 in the same week. I ran a large event with national publicity (and lost money on that event) while completing several interesting personal projects. I wrote in a blog on a regular basis (something I've never kept up with before--but struggle to come up with content and have few readers--hi there reader, speak up if you are joining in on my quest). I cleaned, organized, and found myself disorganized again, several times this year, and discovered that I have a really hard time with procrastination and completing projects, even ones I claim I really want to do. I wrote on my novel but haven't managed to complete the first draft even with a good start at NaNoWriMo. It's been a complex year.
I hope that I can make 2011 a better year. I know it is up to me.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Accept/Expect: Finding the Balance for a Happy and Fulfilled Life
"I want to accept myself, yet also expect more of myself."
Gretchen Rubin, of the Happiness Project, often talks about self-improvement in ways that get me thinking about my own project to find myself (my own version of a happiness project, I suppose, although I've not defined it that way).
Recently she wrote about the balance between accepting and expecting. This was a thought which has surfaced for me a few months ago but not stated as clearly: if self-acceptance is important for happiness, where does the need to improve, strive, and change fit with the need to realize that we are good as we are?
It can be easy to beat oneself up while seeking to improve oneself. I can remember clearly the self-loathing and anger I'd feel while trying to lose weight. One time I was actually borderline for a eating disorder, my first year in college, and I would look at other young women and hate myself. I starved myself and did other dangerous things because I wanted to change and my need to change was driven by a deep hatred of who I was right then. Naturally, this was a terrible motivator and I eventually woke up to the dangers I was putting myself through. I managed to talk myself out of a very dark mindset, but my eating habits stayed negative for a long time and affected my health.
In a similar way, I am currently driven by a deep sense of dissatisfaction in my life which came up around my 41st birthday. I was in a job I hated (which, ironically, I lost within a week of starting this blog thanks to layoffs), having recently finished my Ph.D. but unable to find work in my field (still looking for work, 6 months after being laid off). I am childless, originally by choice since we delayed this for my schooling and then because it just didn't seem to happen, and every birthday reminds me of the increasing likelihood that we will never have kids. I want to write a novel but have done little to make progress on it (better but still a ways to go). I want to be organized but my house was a mess (this is improving). I had a long list of projects to accomplish but never seemed to finish any of them (also improving).
I know the dangers of change driven by an anger or hatred of one's self. It can cloud the judgment and also mask who we really are. My goal is to find out what will make me truly happy, to push myself to go for the life which will satisfy me, to improve myself but to also see myself for who I really am and find ways to make that work for me. It would be ridiculous to change myself into some other person because that person seems more successful. I'd never be happy that way. Sure, I envy some of my friends with their successes, but I'm a different person and there are different measures of success.
I'm seeking to make myself a better person--to accept who I am and make that person the best she can be, not to change myself into something I am not. It's the parts of me that don't work well, which hold me back and make me unhappy (the fear of failure which keeps me from finishing projects, the shyness which keeps me from making contacts, the depression which makes me become more disorganized) which I am trying to improve. That is where the expectations and striving come in.
The Real Me I hope to know better before I am 42 is not a different me--it's just a me who has worked past the obstacles holding her back from a happier life. Hopefully this Real Me will have figured out a way to make a living (finding a job which is more than just a paycheck--but hopefully one that pays!) and accomplish the goals she has set herself. I'm spending this year trying to get organized, accomplish goals, stretch myself a bit (with my 41 Things to Do Before I'm 42 list), and think a lot about what I want in life.
Part of what I want in life is the ability to accept who I am, including the fact that I'll be 42, childless, and maybe still unemployed--but very lucky to have a great husband, family, and potential. I can have a great life, striving to maintain the balance of self-acceptance and expectation, so that I can improve myself without hating who I am now.
Friday, October 29, 2010
October update: 7 months into my plan
Yesterday was the 7 month anniversary of this blog. Much like last month's report, I'm not very happy with my progress.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
Friday, August 27, 2010
5 Month Update: Ups and Downs of a Rollercoaster Life
My life has been a series of contradictions since I started this blog on my 41st birthday.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Tamarillos and Other New Experiences
As part of my "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" list, I tried a new fruit. It was a Tamarillo. I saw it at the grocery store and bought it, despite its high price tag. It was on sale, for $3.50 a piece. That's a lot for a fruit the size of a Roma tomato, especially when you are out of work, but I decided it was worth it to get the new experience.
A day later, in the late morning, I was feeling like a snack, so I got out the Tamarillo. I had already looked it up online to find out that the skin is inedible so I peeled it. The skin is bright red and comes off rather easily. Underneath is bright orange. It is like holding a bright orange softboiled egg in your hand and removing the red shell with a knife. The whole thing would hold together but feel squishy and move in my hand as I removed the skin. It was very weird.
Once peeled, I sliced it in half. The insides are a bit like a small pomegranate so that you have an orange fruit whose insides are mostly tiny red seeds (which I read were edible). I put each half in a bowl with a spoon and gave one bowl to my husband and sat down to have my new experience.
I took my time, smelling it (sort of like a tomato) and poking the seeds with the spoon. The color combination was certainly odd. Then I cut off a piece (texture: again, sort of like a roma tomato). When I bit into it, my face screwed up tight, and my feet kicked out. It was slightly sour and very weird. Kind of a cantalope with tomato seeds inside, but a little sour too. Each bite confirmed the experience. It was fairly hideous. I can honestly say, save your money on this one. I don't think the Tamarillo will be the next hot fruit to eat.
The interesting thing is that I don't regret my experience. I wanted to try something new, and I did. When I see this thing again, I'll know exactly what it was like and will have a strong, vivid memory of eating it. I broadened my horizons. That was really what my list was all about, anyways.
Not all experiences in life are good ones, but every experience teaches something and leaves a memory. Even bad experiences, when remembered later, can take on a warm glow of fond memory. Some of the worse travel experiences become funny stories later and some of our strongest memories.
I got my $3.50's worth of experience out of that tiny Tamarillo. I just won't be repeating it again anytime soon!
A day later, in the late morning, I was feeling like a snack, so I got out the Tamarillo. I had already looked it up online to find out that the skin is inedible so I peeled it. The skin is bright red and comes off rather easily. Underneath is bright orange. It is like holding a bright orange softboiled egg in your hand and removing the red shell with a knife. The whole thing would hold together but feel squishy and move in my hand as I removed the skin. It was very weird.
Once peeled, I sliced it in half. The insides are a bit like a small pomegranate so that you have an orange fruit whose insides are mostly tiny red seeds (which I read were edible). I put each half in a bowl with a spoon and gave one bowl to my husband and sat down to have my new experience.
I took my time, smelling it (sort of like a tomato) and poking the seeds with the spoon. The color combination was certainly odd. Then I cut off a piece (texture: again, sort of like a roma tomato). When I bit into it, my face screwed up tight, and my feet kicked out. It was slightly sour and very weird. Kind of a cantalope with tomato seeds inside, but a little sour too. Each bite confirmed the experience. It was fairly hideous. I can honestly say, save your money on this one. I don't think the Tamarillo will be the next hot fruit to eat.
The interesting thing is that I don't regret my experience. I wanted to try something new, and I did. When I see this thing again, I'll know exactly what it was like and will have a strong, vivid memory of eating it. I broadened my horizons. That was really what my list was all about, anyways.
Not all experiences in life are good ones, but every experience teaches something and leaves a memory. Even bad experiences, when remembered later, can take on a warm glow of fond memory. Some of the worse travel experiences become funny stories later and some of our strongest memories.
I got my $3.50's worth of experience out of that tiny Tamarillo. I just won't be repeating it again anytime soon!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Update: 41 Things
12 Down, 29 to Go? Here's a rundown:
1. Take a class in letterpress printing (have looked into schedule but nothing fits yet)
2. Go to visit my Grandma again (pricing this now)
3. Visit a cave
4. Sightsee in my own city for several days (I led a tour group around SD recently, so..... done)
5. Write to someone in secret code
6. Plan a scavenger hunt for someone and follow through and do it
7. Paint something (a project)
8. Mosaic tile something (a project)
9. Sew a piece of clothing from scratch (I started a vest but didn't finish it)
(Just finished--although I had help from a friend who is an expert)
10. Finish the clock I started to make but never completed
11. Paint a wall some color other than off white (every room but our bathroom is white)
12. Buy and wear some funky, impractical sandals just for fun
13. Roll down a grassy hill
14. Try new recipes
Sorta Done because of 15 and 16 but will do more
15. Make eggrolls DONE although need to find better version of the wrappers and try again
16. Make Cornish Pasties from scratch DONE although they weren't very good so I'll be trying a different recipe at some point
17. Make some of my own jewelry (beads, perhaps?)
18. Go to the desert to look at wildflowers
19. Go Antique store shopping in LA
20. Go to the Rose Bowl/Pasadena Swap meet on the day antique dealers are there
21. Bargain for something at a garage sale
22. Try a fruit I've never eaten before DONE: Tomatillo was awful. I have a Pluot in the frig right now because I've never had one of them either, to my knowledge.
23. Cut up a whole pineapple the proper way (I've read about it but never done it)
24. Give a speech in public on a topic I care about (I've not had the chance to do
this lately)
25. Get something I've written published (either fiction or nonfiction)--I just self published so sort of done, but I meant beyond that when I wrote the list, so I'll keep working! I've submitted a few things but only rejections so far. Self published but not really published yet!
26. Take a fiction writing course (I've done it before but want to do it again)
27. Make a Christmas Ornament
28. Paper mache something
29. Try a new board game or two with friends/familyDONE
30. Get a few readers on this blog (and have a few of them comment kindly)
DONE?
31. Try a new hairstyle DONE
32. Dress in a costume in public (I've done this before; I want to do again) DONE--twice and have another occasion planned for this week!
33. Get my face painted like the kids do at carnivals or fairs
34. Bungee jump (or the equivalent fair ride where they fling people upwards). Missed the County Fair this year so this may not happen before my birthday. We'll see.
35. Ride a train longer than two hours--preferably a day long trip or overnight
36. Have a massage and a facial
37. Try at least three different types of cheeses I've never had before DONE--deliciously so
38. Make my own ice cream
39. Make my own bread, with yeast I raised myself
40. Act in a scene or play in front of an audience at least once this year
41. Have a dinner party where more than one couple is invited to our house
(family doesn't count in this case)
1. Take a class in letterpress printing (have looked into schedule but nothing fits yet)
2. Go to visit my Grandma again (pricing this now)
3. Visit a cave
4. Sightsee in my own city for several days (I led a tour group around SD recently, so..... done)
5. Write to someone in secret code
6. Plan a scavenger hunt for someone and follow through and do it
7. Paint something (a project)
8. Mosaic tile something (a project)
9. Sew a piece of clothing from scratch (I started a vest but didn't finish it)
(Just finished--although I had help from a friend who is an expert)
10. Finish the clock I started to make but never completed
11. Paint a wall some color other than off white (every room but our bathroom is white)
12. Buy and wear some funky, impractical sandals just for fun
13. Roll down a grassy hill
14. Try new recipes
Sorta Done because of 15 and 16 but will do more
15. Make eggrolls DONE although need to find better version of the wrappers and try again
16. Make Cornish Pasties from scratch DONE although they weren't very good so I'll be trying a different recipe at some point
17. Make some of my own jewelry (beads, perhaps?)
18. Go to the desert to look at wildflowers
19. Go Antique store shopping in LA
20. Go to the Rose Bowl/Pasadena Swap meet on the day antique dealers are there
21. Bargain for something at a garage sale
22. Try a fruit I've never eaten before DONE: Tomatillo was awful. I have a Pluot in the frig right now because I've never had one of them either, to my knowledge.
23. Cut up a whole pineapple the proper way (I've read about it but never done it)
24. Give a speech in public on a topic I care about (I've not had the chance to do
this lately)
25. Get something I've written published (either fiction or nonfiction)--I just self published so sort of done, but I meant beyond that when I wrote the list, so I'll keep working! I've submitted a few things but only rejections so far. Self published but not really published yet!
26. Take a fiction writing course (I've done it before but want to do it again)
27. Make a Christmas Ornament
28. Paper mache something
29. Try a new board game or two with friends/familyDONE
30. Get a few readers on this blog (and have a few of them comment kindly)
DONE?
31. Try a new hairstyle DONE
32. Dress in a costume in public (I've done this before; I want to do again) DONE--twice and have another occasion planned for this week!
33. Get my face painted like the kids do at carnivals or fairs
34. Bungee jump (or the equivalent fair ride where they fling people upwards). Missed the County Fair this year so this may not happen before my birthday. We'll see.
35. Ride a train longer than two hours--preferably a day long trip or overnight
36. Have a massage and a facial
37. Try at least three different types of cheeses I've never had before DONE--deliciously so
38. Make my own ice cream
39. Make my own bread, with yeast I raised myself
40. Act in a scene or play in front of an audience at least once this year
41. Have a dinner party where more than one couple is invited to our house
(family doesn't count in this case)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
4 Month Progress Report: Getting Started Again
I started this quest on March 28th. Here I am in July and I am starting all over again.
I am afraid that this is common in my life. I have lots of plans but the follow through can be a problem.
I've decided it is time, now that my big event from almost 2 weeks ago is done, to take stock of what I've done since my birthday and start fresh. I will forgive myself for falling short of my rather ambitious goals. It's important that I'm still on the journey.
Progress made:
I've kept up with this blog, missing only two of my posting days. This is the longest I've ever maintained a blog, although I had good intentions the three other times I started one (on various topics).
I've partially organized my home office (I can walk in it again--it had been the household equivalent of a junk drawer).
I've made my "41 Things To Do Before I'm 42" list and accomplished 5 things on it (I've got to get back to doing more of them).
I did some good unpaid work for several organizations (adding to my graphic design and publicity portfolio) and ran a large event 1.5 weeks ago which went well.
I was laid off from the job I wanted to quit the same week I started this blog. Although I've not found a paying job yet, I've applied to a lot of great places and remain hopeful.
Things to do:
I have a list of projects to do--and I need to finish a bunch of them which have been hanging around for a long time.
I have a novel to write and I want to get back to writing--preferably several hours each week will be set aside for writing--starting next week.
I want to do more with my "41 Things" list and have some great experiences.
Hopefully I'll find a job before my 42nd birthday--preferably something I like and feel motivated to do (instead of my last job which I took purely for the paycheck and hated every second of the day).
My Monthly Theme will be "Starting Fresh" and I will restart my quest. I will look at my to do list and my "41 Things" list and see what I can get accomplished. I've done so much in the past few months. I'm sure that if I set my mind to it, I can do even more now.
To anyone reading this blog, thank you for being on the journey with me. Do you have a quest you are trying to fulfill? Sometimes it is easier when you are on the journey with others. Comment here to share your quest.
I am afraid that this is common in my life. I have lots of plans but the follow through can be a problem.
I've decided it is time, now that my big event from almost 2 weeks ago is done, to take stock of what I've done since my birthday and start fresh. I will forgive myself for falling short of my rather ambitious goals. It's important that I'm still on the journey.
Progress made:
I've kept up with this blog, missing only two of my posting days. This is the longest I've ever maintained a blog, although I had good intentions the three other times I started one (on various topics).
I've partially organized my home office (I can walk in it again--it had been the household equivalent of a junk drawer).
I've made my "41 Things To Do Before I'm 42" list and accomplished 5 things on it (I've got to get back to doing more of them).
I did some good unpaid work for several organizations (adding to my graphic design and publicity portfolio) and ran a large event 1.5 weeks ago which went well.
I was laid off from the job I wanted to quit the same week I started this blog. Although I've not found a paying job yet, I've applied to a lot of great places and remain hopeful.
Things to do:
I have a list of projects to do--and I need to finish a bunch of them which have been hanging around for a long time.
I have a novel to write and I want to get back to writing--preferably several hours each week will be set aside for writing--starting next week.
I want to do more with my "41 Things" list and have some great experiences.
Hopefully I'll find a job before my 42nd birthday--preferably something I like and feel motivated to do (instead of my last job which I took purely for the paycheck and hated every second of the day).
My Monthly Theme will be "Starting Fresh" and I will restart my quest. I will look at my to do list and my "41 Things" list and see what I can get accomplished. I've done so much in the past few months. I'm sure that if I set my mind to it, I can do even more now.
To anyone reading this blog, thank you for being on the journey with me. Do you have a quest you are trying to fulfill? Sometimes it is easier when you are on the journey with others. Comment here to share your quest.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Month 3 Review: Floggings will Continue Until Morale Improves
Today is third month of this blog. I'm 1/4 of the way to my 42nd birthday. What have I accomplished?
1. I've kept up with this blog and regular posting. That's a huge success for me since I've had other attempts to blog and quickly lost interest.
2. I lost my job. Okay, I didn't mean to get laid off from work but since I definitely wanted to get a better job, you could say it was the first step to the changes I want in life.
3. I made a list of "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" and I've done 4 of them.
4. I've been working on things I'm passionate about (an event plus some volunteering) for almost three months. It keeps me crazy busy but I'm enjoying it. The big event I'm organizing is just weeks away and it is terrifying but in a good way.
5. I've done some organizing and cleaning.
For three months, it doesn't seem like a lot. I also didn't really ever manage to do much with my theme or monthly goals. Basically, I've let #4 on this list take over my life and push everything back (including writing my novel).
I'm not going to berate myself or push myself to do better until after the event in mid-July. Then I'm reevaluating my time. Two things I'm working on will be done then. I've also stepped down from one volunteer item and stepped back from another so when these two things are done (since they were one time events and will be finished) then I should be able to put my time into some new projects I've been considering plus get back to writing my novel.
So for now my motto is "Maintain! Keep Up With Stuff!" I just need to get through the event and make it a success while not letting the basics fall through the cracks. I'll see what to do with my life after that. Just under THREE WEEKS!
1. I've kept up with this blog and regular posting. That's a huge success for me since I've had other attempts to blog and quickly lost interest.
2. I lost my job. Okay, I didn't mean to get laid off from work but since I definitely wanted to get a better job, you could say it was the first step to the changes I want in life.
3. I made a list of "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" and I've done 4 of them.
4. I've been working on things I'm passionate about (an event plus some volunteering) for almost three months. It keeps me crazy busy but I'm enjoying it. The big event I'm organizing is just weeks away and it is terrifying but in a good way.
5. I've done some organizing and cleaning.
For three months, it doesn't seem like a lot. I also didn't really ever manage to do much with my theme or monthly goals. Basically, I've let #4 on this list take over my life and push everything back (including writing my novel).
I'm not going to berate myself or push myself to do better until after the event in mid-July. Then I'm reevaluating my time. Two things I'm working on will be done then. I've also stepped down from one volunteer item and stepped back from another so when these two things are done (since they were one time events and will be finished) then I should be able to put my time into some new projects I've been considering plus get back to writing my novel.
So for now my motto is "Maintain! Keep Up With Stuff!" I just need to get through the event and make it a success while not letting the basics fall through the cracks. I'll see what to do with my life after that. Just under THREE WEEKS!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Outside Your Comfort Zone: How to Be Your Best Self
Last night I was at a nightclub. I'm 41 and this is the first time I think I can say that particular phrase. Better, last night I was at a Steampunk-themed event at a nightclub until midnight. There--I said it--I was outside of my comfort zone.
Comfort zones--we all have them. There is our normal life and routine which we have gotten pretty used to. We have normal ways of approaching things, normal clothes, normal bedtimes, etc. It can make you feel uneasy when you go outside these normal routines.
I'm a fairly quiet person. I like to stay at home and read, watch tv, or surf the internet. I'm also relatively shy (something I've been working on stretching by doing various drama-related things and costume/acting events).
However, last night I was at an event, in costume, talking to at least 20 strangers (mostly--I had met a few before). They played music unlike the sort of things I listen to (if you remember my "golden shelf" post, I like the familiar routine of 80s music).
It was a great time. I had a lot of fun. I will probably want to do it again sometimes. So it was a great night and also a great victory.
Why a victory? My list of "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" is partly about trying new things and getting outside of my comfort zone. I think we can not grow as people if we do not try new things from time to time. Since I deal with a great deal of fear and anxiety all of the time, I find that pushing myself to do new things can be very freeing.
I find that I gain strength when I try things like this and find that I enjoy it. I can look back at events like this and remind myself of the enjoyment. It helps me go on to do more things, to try more new experiences, and to face down any fears that may be holding me back.
I think of it like this. I am a flower (in my mind, a daffodil because they are very cheery, loud, but a bit dumb). My fears are like a ceramic pot which is too small for me to grow in. In order for my roots to have room to grow and allow me to flourish, I have to keep increasing the size of my ceramic pot. New experiences allow me to increase the size of that ceramic pot, allow my roots to stretch out a bit more, and allow me to be the best flower I can be.
If I let my fears overwhelm me, then the pot is shrinking and it causes my roots to grow inward. If you have ever taken a root-bound plant out of a pot, you know what that becomes. The roots grow in tiny circles into the shape of the pot and strangle the plant. The roots become like the pot itself, essentially making the plant become part of the pot. My fears and I will become one if I don't keep trying to fight them, to grow past them, to keep pushing outside my comfort zone just a little and learn that I am stronger than my fears and they can not hold me back.
Last night I stretched my roots out a little and it felt good.
Go out today and see if you can stretch your roots out a little and be the best flower you can be.
----
If you are unfamiliar with the term Steampunk, here are some links which should answer any questions:
Steampunk Ghostbusters
Steampunk Laptop
Steampunk House Interior
Comfort zones--we all have them. There is our normal life and routine which we have gotten pretty used to. We have normal ways of approaching things, normal clothes, normal bedtimes, etc. It can make you feel uneasy when you go outside these normal routines.
I'm a fairly quiet person. I like to stay at home and read, watch tv, or surf the internet. I'm also relatively shy (something I've been working on stretching by doing various drama-related things and costume/acting events).
However, last night I was at an event, in costume, talking to at least 20 strangers (mostly--I had met a few before). They played music unlike the sort of things I listen to (if you remember my "golden shelf" post, I like the familiar routine of 80s music).
It was a great time. I had a lot of fun. I will probably want to do it again sometimes. So it was a great night and also a great victory.
Why a victory? My list of "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" is partly about trying new things and getting outside of my comfort zone. I think we can not grow as people if we do not try new things from time to time. Since I deal with a great deal of fear and anxiety all of the time, I find that pushing myself to do new things can be very freeing.
I find that I gain strength when I try things like this and find that I enjoy it. I can look back at events like this and remind myself of the enjoyment. It helps me go on to do more things, to try more new experiences, and to face down any fears that may be holding me back.
I think of it like this. I am a flower (in my mind, a daffodil because they are very cheery, loud, but a bit dumb). My fears are like a ceramic pot which is too small for me to grow in. In order for my roots to have room to grow and allow me to flourish, I have to keep increasing the size of my ceramic pot. New experiences allow me to increase the size of that ceramic pot, allow my roots to stretch out a bit more, and allow me to be the best flower I can be.
If I let my fears overwhelm me, then the pot is shrinking and it causes my roots to grow inward. If you have ever taken a root-bound plant out of a pot, you know what that becomes. The roots grow in tiny circles into the shape of the pot and strangle the plant. The roots become like the pot itself, essentially making the plant become part of the pot. My fears and I will become one if I don't keep trying to fight them, to grow past them, to keep pushing outside my comfort zone just a little and learn that I am stronger than my fears and they can not hold me back.
Last night I stretched my roots out a little and it felt good.
Go out today and see if you can stretch your roots out a little and be the best flower you can be.
----
If you are unfamiliar with the term Steampunk, here are some links which should answer any questions:
Steampunk Ghostbusters
Steampunk Laptop
Steampunk House Interior
Saturday, May 1, 2010
41 Things: Update
I had recently written that I had 41 Things I wanted to do before my 42nd birthday. I wanted to update how I am doing on this list.
So far I have:
Made Eggrolls (pretty good but need to work on rolling and maybe try a different type of wrapping)
Tried a new recipe (last night made Tempura: yams, potato, shrimp -- it was good!)
Tried a new hairstyle (will do again, probably)
Dressed in a costume in public (plan to do more of this, with better costumes)
Gotten some readers to this blog and some comments (100 views of this blog, 2 different people have commented--thank you guys!)
I'm making progress!
So far I have:
Made Eggrolls (pretty good but need to work on rolling and maybe try a different type of wrapping)
Tried a new recipe (last night made Tempura: yams, potato, shrimp -- it was good!)
Tried a new hairstyle (will do again, probably)
Dressed in a costume in public (plan to do more of this, with better costumes)
Gotten some readers to this blog and some comments (100 views of this blog, 2 different people have commented--thank you guys!)
I'm making progress!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Update on Quest's Progress: 1st Month
The road to Hell may or may not be paved with good intentions, but my Quest's path certainly is (hopefully it is leading me to a slightly better place--and one with a better climate since I'm not crazy about hot weather!).
I've made some progress on my three goals:
1. Cleaning my Office: I removed all paperwork and other obstacles from the floor (but some of it is still on my dining room table because I don't know what to do with it). The reason things make it to stacks in the office is because these things don't have a real home. A place for everything and everything in its place! I don't fulfill either of those two dictates. The office is better but some of it has simply migrated so this task can't be called complete yet.
2. Writing my Novel: Less progress to report here, mostly because I told myself that I'd do a bunch of house cleaning and organizing BEFORE writing. If this is my most important goal, I need to learn not to place obstacles in front of it.
3. Volunteer work: I did get a lot done for both of the nonprofits I volunteer with during this month. One of them had a big event in April which I did a lot of work on for them. I enjoyed myself and it was nice to have more time to devote to these tasks. I still have some paperwork and other planning for them which I need to organized so I didn't complete everything I wanted to, but my theme was about "Get Things Started" so I think this qualifies.
As for my list of 41 Things to Do Before I Am 42:
I can mark as completed--
32. Dress in a costume in public (I've done this before; I want to do again)
This was a bit of a cheat because I actually do this several times a year for historical reenacting. I knew I had events coming up. My intent when I wrote this was to have a new costume and do something a bit more than usual. Still, I did go out in costume (and people took pictures of me) and I had some new parts to my costume, so technically, this is completed.
The rest of my list isn't a cheat and will take a little longer to accomplish. I'm working on some of them soon (including making eggrolls--I bought the ingredients and plan on doing them this week).
Meanwhile, I think I can sort of claim victory on these:
30. Get a few readers on this blog (and have a few of them comment kindly)
31. Try a new hairstyle
I have had some readers stop by and two of you have left comments on some of my posts. Thank you for the feedback! That is very kind of you. This blog is such a personal quest, I wasn't sure anyone would find it worth reading or commenting on so I really appreciated your thoughts. It is weird to write into the ether like this and find strangers who are willing to be friends. :)
I also was given a pretty hair barrette (not in a style I usually wear) and I've worn it several times now. It isn't a drastic new hairstyle, by any means, but it was a small departure from my usual style, so it will count for now. I can decide if I want to pursue more drastic hairstyles or costume opportunities later.
For now, let's count 3 of my 41 things as complete!
I call this first month a (qualified) success. After all, I'm still here and trying to figure out my life. Better, I had a job interview for something I'd actually like to do so that is a hopeful sign that things might turn around for me.
Starting on April 28 (today), the second month of my quest begins. I've decided that my theme will be "Get to What Matters" and my goal will be to concentrate on the two or three things which matter the most to me: my goal to write a novel, my volunteer work, and applying for jobs. I will keep it simple--as much as possible--and figure that if I can keep up with my normal schedule of volunteer work, get some job applications in, and spend time every week writing my novel, this month is a success. Anything I manage to do on top of those things is bonus!
Photo from Koalazymonkey's Flikr Photostream
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
41 Things to Do Before I'm 42
I like lists. Did I mention this?
Since this first month of my quest involves setting forth my plan, I thought it would be fun to make a list of 41 things I'd like to do this year.
Here they are in no particular order:
1. Take a class in letterpress printing
2. Go to visit my Grandma again (she lives out of state and is 91)
3. Visit a cave
4. Sightsee in my own city for several days
5. Write to someone in secret code
6. Plan a scavenger hunt for someone and follow through and do it
7. Paint something (a project)
8. Mosaic tile something (a project)
9. Sew a piece of clothing from scratch (I started a vest but didn't finish it)
10. Finish the clock I started to make but never completed
11. Paint a wall some color other than off white (every room but our bathroom is white)
12. Buy and wear some funky, impractical sandals just for fun
13. Roll down a grassy hill
14. Try new recipes
15. Make eggrolls
16. Make Cornish Pasties from scratch
17. Make some of my own jewelry (beads, perhaps?)
18. Go to the desert to look at wildflowers
19. Go Antique store shopping in LA
20. Go to the Rose Bowl/Pasadena Swap meet on the day antique dealers are there
21. Bargain for something at a garage sale
22. Try a fruit I've never eaten before (passionfruit, or something else?)
23. Cut up a whole pineapple the proper way (I've read about it but never done it)
24. Give a speech in public on a topic I care about (I've not had the chance to do
this lately)
25. Get something I've written published (either fiction or nonfiction)
26. Take a fiction writing course (I've done it before but want to do it again)
27. Make a Christmas Ornament
28. Paper mache something
29. Try a new board game or two with friends/family
30. Get a few readers on this blog (and have a few of them comment kindly)
31. Try a new hairstyle
32. Dress in a costume in public (I've done this before; I want to do again)
33. Get my face painted like the kids do at carnivals or fairs
34. Bungee jump (or the equivalent fair ride where they fling people upwards)
35. Ride a train longer than two hours--preferably a day long trip or overnight
36. Have a massage and a facial
37. Try at least three different types of cheeses I've never had before
38. Make my own ice cream
39. Make my own bread, with yeast I raised myself
40. Act in a scene or play in front of an audience at least once this year
41. Have a dinner party where more than one couple is invited to our house
(family doesn't count in this case)
If I do these things, it would be quite a year, wouldn't it? Do all this plus get organized at home, make progress on my three projects for this month, and find a job? Sounds like I better get to work!
Since this first month of my quest involves setting forth my plan, I thought it would be fun to make a list of 41 things I'd like to do this year.
Here they are in no particular order:
1. Take a class in letterpress printing
2. Go to visit my Grandma again (she lives out of state and is 91)
3. Visit a cave
4. Sightsee in my own city for several days
5. Write to someone in secret code
6. Plan a scavenger hunt for someone and follow through and do it
7. Paint something (a project)
8. Mosaic tile something (a project)
9. Sew a piece of clothing from scratch (I started a vest but didn't finish it)
10. Finish the clock I started to make but never completed
11. Paint a wall some color other than off white (every room but our bathroom is white)
12. Buy and wear some funky, impractical sandals just for fun
13. Roll down a grassy hill
14. Try new recipes
15. Make eggrolls
16. Make Cornish Pasties from scratch
17. Make some of my own jewelry (beads, perhaps?)
18. Go to the desert to look at wildflowers
19. Go Antique store shopping in LA
20. Go to the Rose Bowl/Pasadena Swap meet on the day antique dealers are there
21. Bargain for something at a garage sale
22. Try a fruit I've never eaten before (passionfruit, or something else?)
23. Cut up a whole pineapple the proper way (I've read about it but never done it)
24. Give a speech in public on a topic I care about (I've not had the chance to do
this lately)
25. Get something I've written published (either fiction or nonfiction)
26. Take a fiction writing course (I've done it before but want to do it again)
27. Make a Christmas Ornament
28. Paper mache something
29. Try a new board game or two with friends/family
30. Get a few readers on this blog (and have a few of them comment kindly)
31. Try a new hairstyle
32. Dress in a costume in public (I've done this before; I want to do again)
33. Get my face painted like the kids do at carnivals or fairs
34. Bungee jump (or the equivalent fair ride where they fling people upwards)
35. Ride a train longer than two hours--preferably a day long trip or overnight
36. Have a massage and a facial
37. Try at least three different types of cheeses I've never had before
38. Make my own ice cream
39. Make my own bread, with yeast I raised myself
40. Act in a scene or play in front of an audience at least once this year
41. Have a dinner party where more than one couple is invited to our house
(family doesn't count in this case)
If I do these things, it would be quite a year, wouldn't it? Do all this plus get organized at home, make progress on my three projects for this month, and find a job? Sounds like I better get to work!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
