Yesterday was the Chinese New Year. It is now the year of the Rabbit. While I am neither Chinese nor sure what Rabbits have to do with my year, I am taking this as an opportunity to start fresh.
January 1 is a time when many of us make resolutions, think about changing our lives, and otherwise see it as a clean slate to make a new life.
Back in January, I decided not to do resolutions because I was already spending the year trying to change my life.
If you have read any part of my blog this year, you'll know that I've had a hard time making any progress. I'm all good intentions with little follow through (or I get side tracked and the progress fades).
I decided yesterday that I would take this Chinese New Year as a sign that it isn't too late to change. I can still make a difference in my life and accomplish my goals. I just have to put some honest effort towards getting things done.
If you feel like your January resolutions have been getting a little dusty, do as I plan to do--take this Year of the Rabbit and start off running with your resolutions again. Sometimes we need more than one chance to get it right.
Showing posts with label quest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quest. Show all posts
Friday, February 4, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Envy: Spoiling the Enjoyment of Others' Pleasure Since 1500BC
I just got back from visiting friends who have moved into a beautiful new home. It's gorgeous and has many features I've always wanted in a home. It's also well above any price range I'm likely to afford in my lifetime, unless things change radically very soon. I'm thrilled for them, but I'll admit I also felt some envy.
I WANT, so much, to have something so nice. We wanted to move to a bigger place years ago but financially we can't swing it. Even before we both lost our jobs, we weren't ready, quite yet, to do it. If we had stayed employed with our last jobs, we might have been ready to move in the next few months, but it's been a year since my husband lost his position and 9 months since I lost mine, and neither of us seem any closer to finding a new one, so we're definitely not at that point now.
Envy. It's a horrible emotion. I found myself comparing their lives with ours, thinking about what I would do with such a house (it really is quite lovely) and wishing I had the sort of money they have. It was harder to feel happy for them, sometimes, because of the negative feelings I had about myself.
I know it is silly. My friends have worked hard for their success and I am thrilled to see them getting settled in a place that brings them so much joy. We are also happy to have them as friends and we've done a lot of cool stuff because of our friendship with them, which is a nice bonus. They are also very generous and they understand our current financial situation without ever making us feel bad about it, so it's not like they are rubbing our noses in the disparity of our wealth. We're currently dirt poor; they are doing quite well. We are still friends.
Still, I could feel a small part of me resenting their home, wishing it was mine, and then having to be trampled into submission by the rest of my mind which knew this was the wrong way to feel. I guess there is part of me that is like a little kid who sees something she wants and has trouble with the idea that it is out of reach. Part of me cried out, "Mine!" and was unhappy about it not being true. I guess this is something I'll have to work on, to be a better person.
Envy does nobody any good. It doesn't help me in any way, and if I let it fester, it could ruin my ability to be a good friend. I've recognized it in myself and now I'm trying to rid myself of it.
My friends' home is beautiful and I hope they are happy in it. I look forward to visiting it again and seeing how they decorate it and entertain in it. They are an important part of my lives and I am lucky to have them.
I WANT, so much, to have something so nice. We wanted to move to a bigger place years ago but financially we can't swing it. Even before we both lost our jobs, we weren't ready, quite yet, to do it. If we had stayed employed with our last jobs, we might have been ready to move in the next few months, but it's been a year since my husband lost his position and 9 months since I lost mine, and neither of us seem any closer to finding a new one, so we're definitely not at that point now.
Envy. It's a horrible emotion. I found myself comparing their lives with ours, thinking about what I would do with such a house (it really is quite lovely) and wishing I had the sort of money they have. It was harder to feel happy for them, sometimes, because of the negative feelings I had about myself.
I know it is silly. My friends have worked hard for their success and I am thrilled to see them getting settled in a place that brings them so much joy. We are also happy to have them as friends and we've done a lot of cool stuff because of our friendship with them, which is a nice bonus. They are also very generous and they understand our current financial situation without ever making us feel bad about it, so it's not like they are rubbing our noses in the disparity of our wealth. We're currently dirt poor; they are doing quite well. We are still friends.
Still, I could feel a small part of me resenting their home, wishing it was mine, and then having to be trampled into submission by the rest of my mind which knew this was the wrong way to feel. I guess there is part of me that is like a little kid who sees something she wants and has trouble with the idea that it is out of reach. Part of me cried out, "Mine!" and was unhappy about it not being true. I guess this is something I'll have to work on, to be a better person.
Envy does nobody any good. It doesn't help me in any way, and if I let it fester, it could ruin my ability to be a good friend. I've recognized it in myself and now I'm trying to rid myself of it.
My friends' home is beautiful and I hope they are happy in it. I look forward to visiting it again and seeing how they decorate it and entertain in it. They are an important part of my lives and I am lucky to have them.
Monday, December 27, 2010
December: Monthly Update
Another month has come around. Every year I feel like time is moving more swiftly and this year has been no exception. The past month has been particularly fast forwarding, with all the holiday season plans and projects. I can't believe how soon my 42nd birthday is from today. I really need to get moving on my projects if I want to feel satisfied with myself when my birthday rolls around.
Here's my status so far:
Cleaning/Organizing: some success and some setbacks. The front of the house looks pretty good (had company over) but I sacrificed a clean office for it as I moved a lot of half-finished stuff in there to make the rest of the house look nice. I now need to pull that stuff back out.
Half-Finished Projects: Still have too many projects to do and a lot of stuff started that I haven't finished.
Jobs: No interviews in over two months for me, and only phone interviews from my husband in just as long. No job prospects on the horizon. I have a few things to apply for, my portfolio to finish, and some references to gather for one job application. Otherwise, we need to work on projects which could bring in money.
41 Things list: No progress at all. I need to print out that list and plan some of them for January. I'd love to have most of them finished before my birthday, like the plan called for but which looks harder to do. I think I have only 1/4 of them done.
My Plan for January:
No resolutions for me--not anymore than what I already resolved for this year-long project. I will continue to work on my goals for this year before I turn 42--to organize myself, get better about completing projects (including my novel), and to find out what I really want to do with my life (like a job, etc). I wanted to explore my life and figure out how to make myself happier and more successful. That's what I'll continue to work on in January.
It's been quite a 2010. I lost my job and turned 41 in the same week. I ran a large event with national publicity (and lost money on that event) while completing several interesting personal projects. I wrote in a blog on a regular basis (something I've never kept up with before--but struggle to come up with content and have few readers--hi there reader, speak up if you are joining in on my quest). I cleaned, organized, and found myself disorganized again, several times this year, and discovered that I have a really hard time with procrastination and completing projects, even ones I claim I really want to do. I wrote on my novel but haven't managed to complete the first draft even with a good start at NaNoWriMo. It's been a complex year.
I hope that I can make 2011 a better year. I know it is up to me.
Here's my status so far:
Cleaning/Organizing: some success and some setbacks. The front of the house looks pretty good (had company over) but I sacrificed a clean office for it as I moved a lot of half-finished stuff in there to make the rest of the house look nice. I now need to pull that stuff back out.
Half-Finished Projects: Still have too many projects to do and a lot of stuff started that I haven't finished.
Jobs: No interviews in over two months for me, and only phone interviews from my husband in just as long. No job prospects on the horizon. I have a few things to apply for, my portfolio to finish, and some references to gather for one job application. Otherwise, we need to work on projects which could bring in money.
41 Things list: No progress at all. I need to print out that list and plan some of them for January. I'd love to have most of them finished before my birthday, like the plan called for but which looks harder to do. I think I have only 1/4 of them done.
My Plan for January:
No resolutions for me--not anymore than what I already resolved for this year-long project. I will continue to work on my goals for this year before I turn 42--to organize myself, get better about completing projects (including my novel), and to find out what I really want to do with my life (like a job, etc). I wanted to explore my life and figure out how to make myself happier and more successful. That's what I'll continue to work on in January.
It's been quite a 2010. I lost my job and turned 41 in the same week. I ran a large event with national publicity (and lost money on that event) while completing several interesting personal projects. I wrote in a blog on a regular basis (something I've never kept up with before--but struggle to come up with content and have few readers--hi there reader, speak up if you are joining in on my quest). I cleaned, organized, and found myself disorganized again, several times this year, and discovered that I have a really hard time with procrastination and completing projects, even ones I claim I really want to do. I wrote on my novel but haven't managed to complete the first draft even with a good start at NaNoWriMo. It's been a complex year.
I hope that I can make 2011 a better year. I know it is up to me.
Friday, November 26, 2010
November: My Monthly Progress Report
This weekend marks the start of the 9th month of my blog. I'm not sure I've kept proper count in past progress reports since I think I already said something like this. Regardless, I started my blog on March 28 (on the occasion of my 41st birthday) and have been writing it ever since.
The goal of this blog is to have a place for me to write about my concerns and thoughts on self-improvement--because at 41 I realized that I was unhappy with the way my life had been going lately and I wanted to make it better but wasn't sure how.
If you've been reading my past posts, which a few people have been doing to my surprise, you'll know that I have been examining my difficulty with getting and staying organized, my issues with procrastination (particularly with various projects I have been working on, including my novel), and trying to determine what career choices to make.
I've had some ups and downs. I finished a major event which was a lot of work but afterwards I was so burned out that I spent months being depressed and getting nothing else done. I've just started getting out from under this but the holidays always mess up my schedule and add new stresses.
I've been unemployed since the first week of my blog, unfortunately (although I did hate my job so there are some feelings of happiness about this), and my husband has also been out of work for that same time period, having been laid off from his work a few months before me. This obviously has led to financial issues and stresses, which has not made my quest easier, although it certainly has led to more time being available for pursuing what interests us.
I made a list of things I wanted to do this year which would expose me to new experiences and force me to stretch myself more (break out of shyness, fight my fears, and try new things) but I've not been following through on this list for the past few months and would like to get started on it again. I enjoyed it when I was doing it. I tried a new hairstyle, wore a costume, tried some new recipes, etc. I don't know if I will finish all of them before my 42nd birthday but we'll see. I can, at least, try.
I was participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this month but it will come as no surprise that I've not been following through and probably won't meet my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm not sure why I've been holding back. Even on days when I had time, I've made excuses and not written that much. I did make some progress with my novel, more than some months, but I wish I had been more consistent on writing every day. I will have to work on that for the next month.
The end of the year approaches and I know that this is a time of the year when many people, myself included, often spend some time reevaluating our lives. For those of you on the journey of self-discovery and improvement like myself, I hope you will share your insights with me in the comments. There is no reason why we need to be alone while we strive to have better, happier lives.
The goal of this blog is to have a place for me to write about my concerns and thoughts on self-improvement--because at 41 I realized that I was unhappy with the way my life had been going lately and I wanted to make it better but wasn't sure how.
If you've been reading my past posts, which a few people have been doing to my surprise, you'll know that I have been examining my difficulty with getting and staying organized, my issues with procrastination (particularly with various projects I have been working on, including my novel), and trying to determine what career choices to make.
I've had some ups and downs. I finished a major event which was a lot of work but afterwards I was so burned out that I spent months being depressed and getting nothing else done. I've just started getting out from under this but the holidays always mess up my schedule and add new stresses.
I've been unemployed since the first week of my blog, unfortunately (although I did hate my job so there are some feelings of happiness about this), and my husband has also been out of work for that same time period, having been laid off from his work a few months before me. This obviously has led to financial issues and stresses, which has not made my quest easier, although it certainly has led to more time being available for pursuing what interests us.
I made a list of things I wanted to do this year which would expose me to new experiences and force me to stretch myself more (break out of shyness, fight my fears, and try new things) but I've not been following through on this list for the past few months and would like to get started on it again. I enjoyed it when I was doing it. I tried a new hairstyle, wore a costume, tried some new recipes, etc. I don't know if I will finish all of them before my 42nd birthday but we'll see. I can, at least, try.
I was participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this month but it will come as no surprise that I've not been following through and probably won't meet my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm not sure why I've been holding back. Even on days when I had time, I've made excuses and not written that much. I did make some progress with my novel, more than some months, but I wish I had been more consistent on writing every day. I will have to work on that for the next month.
The end of the year approaches and I know that this is a time of the year when many people, myself included, often spend some time reevaluating our lives. For those of you on the journey of self-discovery and improvement like myself, I hope you will share your insights with me in the comments. There is no reason why we need to be alone while we strive to have better, happier lives.
Friday, November 5, 2010
The Long Slog: Sticking With It Can Be Hard
I'm on my fifth day of NaNoWriMo and I'm already finding it hard to keep up with my word count. Like many projects, I went into it with enthusiasm and hope, certain this time would be easier. Then reality slips in when my back was turned and I see how much work I will have to put into my project, day in and day out, to succeed. That's when the real work begins.
It can be hard to do a project when things seem overwhelming. Despite being unemployed, I have enough volunteer work commitments that I already write a great deal every day. Then there is my internet addiction. Between the two I spend 16 hours at the computer already. Now add the novel I've been wanting to write for several years but somehow never got very far. NaNoWriMo is supposed to help me stay motivated, and so far I'm not that far off track (mostly because I worked ahead the first two days when I was still in that first flush of excitement).
I just worry that this will become like so much else--one of those things which I leave half finished or delayed because I became overwhelmed. Writing isn't that hard; it's writing every day and sticking to it that is hard.
Like so many projects, just DOING it is half the battle.
Here's what I propose to get past the problem:
1. I will work ahead in my count whenever I get the motivation so that on tough days when I don't get as much writing done, I won't be as far behind and get discouraged.
2. I will write everyday, at least somewhat, no matter what.
3. I will set up reminders to myself.
4. I will read inspirational pieces, but not spend too much time on reading when I should be writing.
5. I will remind myself about my goals and what I will gain from finishing this first draft of my novel.
I hope this will help. When projects pass that first flush of motivation and start showing the difficulty or complexity of the project, it can be hard to stick to it. I just need to remind myself that I am in it for the long haul. After all, this is my life and something I wanted to do. I should stick with it.
It can be hard to do a project when things seem overwhelming. Despite being unemployed, I have enough volunteer work commitments that I already write a great deal every day. Then there is my internet addiction. Between the two I spend 16 hours at the computer already. Now add the novel I've been wanting to write for several years but somehow never got very far. NaNoWriMo is supposed to help me stay motivated, and so far I'm not that far off track (mostly because I worked ahead the first two days when I was still in that first flush of excitement).
I just worry that this will become like so much else--one of those things which I leave half finished or delayed because I became overwhelmed. Writing isn't that hard; it's writing every day and sticking to it that is hard.
Like so many projects, just DOING it is half the battle.
Here's what I propose to get past the problem:
1. I will work ahead in my count whenever I get the motivation so that on tough days when I don't get as much writing done, I won't be as far behind and get discouraged.
2. I will write everyday, at least somewhat, no matter what.
3. I will set up reminders to myself.
4. I will read inspirational pieces, but not spend too much time on reading when I should be writing.
5. I will remind myself about my goals and what I will gain from finishing this first draft of my novel.
I hope this will help. When projects pass that first flush of motivation and start showing the difficulty or complexity of the project, it can be hard to stick to it. I just need to remind myself that I am in it for the long haul. After all, this is my life and something I wanted to do. I should stick with it.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Planner or Panster? Thinking Ahead
In the lead up to NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month--which starts today--Nov 1), I've been reading some tips on writing. One term that seems to be gaining popularity is to ask if you are a "planner" or a "panster." A planner is, obviously, one who plans her writing in advance. A panster is one who flies by the seat of her pants and does not plan ahead.
If you can't tell from reading my blog for all of these months, I'm a planner. In fact, I'm more of a planner than a doer, which is why I'm trying to change myself this year (thinking that this is the major thing holding me back from the life I want).
I've never been a "panster" or very spontaneous. I've envied people that ability to just go off and do things without planning. I have a friend who bought a house in early 2008, moving halfway across the country. 1.5 years later, he is selling that house to buy a different place 10 minutes from his first place. Why? Because he likes it better. I can't imagine just walking past a place for sale and deciding to chuck in all the plans for a place you just bought to buy a new home. It was so sudden and spontaneous. I've never been like that.
I have literally had to plan spontaneity into our lives. I'll be like, "next Saturday let's be spontaneous and go out to the park and see what we find." "Planned spontaneity" has become the phrase for let's go out and do something fun without too much prep or planning.
It's not like other people's spontaneity where they simply wake up one day and say "Let's go to the park now." In fact, when my husband has suddenly announced, "Let's go to the movies today" I've often resented it. I had plans for today. I had a list of things to do. Couldn't we plan to do the movie tomorrow so that I have time to adjust my thinking and figure out what I'll do before and after the movie? I know that I should be able to just roll with it and see these unplanned spontaneous moments as fun but I find them stressful instead.
In the same way, I plan my writing. In fact I have several stories in the planning stages. The problem is that, like my life, the stories continue to be in the future, not the present. I PLAN to write a novel, but am I ACTUALLY WRITING a novel? Not really.
That's why I decided to join in on NaNoWriMo. That's also why I decided to start this quest for my identity and life before my 42nd birthday. My planning hasn't gotten me to where I want to go. This either means that I don't really know where I want to go (a possibility) or that planning alone isn't enough. I need to figure out how to put the plans into action. Writing my novel is just one step to putting my plans into action.
If you can't tell from reading my blog for all of these months, I'm a planner. In fact, I'm more of a planner than a doer, which is why I'm trying to change myself this year (thinking that this is the major thing holding me back from the life I want).
I've never been a "panster" or very spontaneous. I've envied people that ability to just go off and do things without planning. I have a friend who bought a house in early 2008, moving halfway across the country. 1.5 years later, he is selling that house to buy a different place 10 minutes from his first place. Why? Because he likes it better. I can't imagine just walking past a place for sale and deciding to chuck in all the plans for a place you just bought to buy a new home. It was so sudden and spontaneous. I've never been like that.
I have literally had to plan spontaneity into our lives. I'll be like, "next Saturday let's be spontaneous and go out to the park and see what we find." "Planned spontaneity" has become the phrase for let's go out and do something fun without too much prep or planning.
It's not like other people's spontaneity where they simply wake up one day and say "Let's go to the park now." In fact, when my husband has suddenly announced, "Let's go to the movies today" I've often resented it. I had plans for today. I had a list of things to do. Couldn't we plan to do the movie tomorrow so that I have time to adjust my thinking and figure out what I'll do before and after the movie? I know that I should be able to just roll with it and see these unplanned spontaneous moments as fun but I find them stressful instead.
In the same way, I plan my writing. In fact I have several stories in the planning stages. The problem is that, like my life, the stories continue to be in the future, not the present. I PLAN to write a novel, but am I ACTUALLY WRITING a novel? Not really.
That's why I decided to join in on NaNoWriMo. That's also why I decided to start this quest for my identity and life before my 42nd birthday. My planning hasn't gotten me to where I want to go. This either means that I don't really know where I want to go (a possibility) or that planning alone isn't enough. I need to figure out how to put the plans into action. Writing my novel is just one step to putting my plans into action.
Friday, October 29, 2010
October update: 7 months into my plan
Yesterday was the 7 month anniversary of this blog. Much like last month's report, I'm not very happy with my progress.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Procrastination, Self-Direction, and Identity
Yesterday I read an interesting article about procrastination which argues that we can learn a lot about people and identity by studying procrastination.
It was well written and researched, but, more importantly to me, it also struck home with me. This is probably because procrastination is the one thing which has probably caused the most problems in my life.
Procrastination may be a "basic human impulse" but it is also a terrible strain on our lives. As the article puts it, "The essence of procrastination lies in not doing what you think you should be doing, a mental contortion that surely accounts for the great psychic toll the habit takes on people."
It is true that I often procrastinate, even knowing that it won't make me happy, either in the future or even while I am doing it. I may be relaxing and enjoying that new book I wanted to read (rather than the work I need to be doing) but I won't enjoy the book as much than if I had done the work and then read the book guilt-free.
Strangely, I did disagree with two points made in the article (both on page 2). In one, the author points to a study that he says explains why in our Netflix queue we have a lot of great classics but in the short-term we are watching light comedies. He says it is because of “hyperbolic discounting," where the person's short-term considerations overwhelm their long-term goals (the light, fluffy movie presumably fulfilling the short-term goal of entertainment over the long-term goal of thinking it would be good to see the critically acclaimed but more difficult drama). I think this Netflix study, however, is tainted by the fact that people want to impress the questioner. People will tend to overreport their desire to watch "good" films (those they believe will impress others) in order to excuse their poor taste in watching the lower brow film now. This has little to do with time management and more to do with the desire to show off.
The second point which did not resonate as much with me was that procrastination was caused by “the planning fallacy.” This is where people underestimate how long a project will take so they think they have time to waste before starting. In fact, it is usually the opposite problem for me. I will be faced with a task (not terribly hard) but I will think it will take a long time and put it off ("I don't have time to deal with that now...."). I may keep delaying this important but dreaded task for quite awhile until I absolutely have to get started. Then I'll be surprised that the whole thing took less than a half hour. I could have done it when I first knew the task was on my plate and saved myself a great deal of stress and avoidance. I seldom believe things will take less time than they will (except perhaps on really big projects, like my novel, where I keep telling myself that I will be done in no time--but then I never get started and the next thing I know it is two years later and I am no further along).
Both of these reasons for procrastination end up being less compelling and persuasive than the other reasons shown (indeed, even to the author who believes that the planning fallacy relies too much on ignorance and not as much on "complex mixture of weakness, ambition, and inner conflict" which are better explanations for the problem).
Here is where the article really hit home for me:
I have dreams of heroic success many times, but am well known to lack confidence in myself. I fear failure greatly and know that sometimes (with my dissertation, especially) I used procrastination as an excuse--"It was okay, but would have been better written if I had more time." I also love planning, something that has become increasingly clear to me as I write this blog. I will plan my attack on my problems but sometimes, like the past few weeks, I'll be all talk and no action. The planning alone seems to give me enough mental relief to allow me to put off the actual work I planned.
The article goes on to discuss a few solutions/ways of viewing the problem:
Divided self: if you see yourself as not a unified person but with an interior like a republic where each side of you fights for different goals, you can label one part of you the procrastinator (who wants immediate pleasure) who is debating with the part of you who wants the larger goal. Then you simply allow a negotiation to take place where both feel they win (usually by convincing the procrastinating part of you that you will enjoy the fun part more if you do the larger goal first). This sounds good, but I haven't had much luck with the idea.
Extended will: This refers to tools which force you to do things: like setting deadlines or having a program which cuts off your internet access to allow you to focus. Deadlines were the only thing that made me finally finish my dissertation, but I've learned that unless they are truly hard deadlines with real consequences, they don't help me. I tried setting deadlines with my husband but since I know there are no real consequences if I go to him and say that I don't have a chapter ready to show him, I never have a chapter ready by my deadline.
Reframing: This is something which has helped some and I want to do more. From GTD, we learn that many times we put off projects just because they seem big or vague (because we don't know what to do next). David Allen urges us to break the project down to smaller steps and concentrate on the Next Step instead of the larger picture. In the same way, narrowing our choices can sometimes make it easier to decide.
The article points out, interestingly, that all of these are a "voluntary abnegation of freedom" and I suppose that is true. Then again, much of our lives are giving up of freedom. We go to work or do things for others, giving up our freedom to do something else or do as we want all day, in order to get something (paycheck, gratitude from others, fame, etc.-- whatever it is we want). Freedom is only truly freedom when sandwiched between times when we are less free. None of us are truly free all of the time--there are always commitments to others or tasks we need to do but may not enjoy. The question is whether we can learn to give up our freedom effectively so we can do those tasks with less hassle and leave us more guilt-free time to do more enjoyable tasks and relaxation.
Can we learn to stop procrastinating as much and free our lives from its great burden? I certainly hope so. In many ways, this question defines my project for the year.
It was well written and researched, but, more importantly to me, it also struck home with me. This is probably because procrastination is the one thing which has probably caused the most problems in my life.
Procrastination may be a "basic human impulse" but it is also a terrible strain on our lives. As the article puts it, "The essence of procrastination lies in not doing what you think you should be doing, a mental contortion that surely accounts for the great psychic toll the habit takes on people."
It is true that I often procrastinate, even knowing that it won't make me happy, either in the future or even while I am doing it. I may be relaxing and enjoying that new book I wanted to read (rather than the work I need to be doing) but I won't enjoy the book as much than if I had done the work and then read the book guilt-free.
Strangely, I did disagree with two points made in the article (both on page 2). In one, the author points to a study that he says explains why in our Netflix queue we have a lot of great classics but in the short-term we are watching light comedies. He says it is because of “hyperbolic discounting," where the person's short-term considerations overwhelm their long-term goals (the light, fluffy movie presumably fulfilling the short-term goal of entertainment over the long-term goal of thinking it would be good to see the critically acclaimed but more difficult drama). I think this Netflix study, however, is tainted by the fact that people want to impress the questioner. People will tend to overreport their desire to watch "good" films (those they believe will impress others) in order to excuse their poor taste in watching the lower brow film now. This has little to do with time management and more to do with the desire to show off.
The second point which did not resonate as much with me was that procrastination was caused by “the planning fallacy.” This is where people underestimate how long a project will take so they think they have time to waste before starting. In fact, it is usually the opposite problem for me. I will be faced with a task (not terribly hard) but I will think it will take a long time and put it off ("I don't have time to deal with that now...."). I may keep delaying this important but dreaded task for quite awhile until I absolutely have to get started. Then I'll be surprised that the whole thing took less than a half hour. I could have done it when I first knew the task was on my plate and saved myself a great deal of stress and avoidance. I seldom believe things will take less time than they will (except perhaps on really big projects, like my novel, where I keep telling myself that I will be done in no time--but then I never get started and the next thing I know it is two years later and I am no further along).
Both of these reasons for procrastination end up being less compelling and persuasive than the other reasons shown (indeed, even to the author who believes that the planning fallacy relies too much on ignorance and not as much on "complex mixture of weakness, ambition, and inner conflict" which are better explanations for the problem).
Here is where the article really hit home for me:
Lack of confidence, sometimes alternating with unrealistic dreams of heroic success, often leads to procrastination, and many studies suggest that procrastinators are self-handicappers: rather than risk failure, they prefer to create conditions that make success impossible, a reflex that of course creates a vicious cycle. McClellan was also given to excessive planning, as if only the ideal battle plan were worth acting on. Procrastinators often succumb to this sort of perfectionism.
I have dreams of heroic success many times, but am well known to lack confidence in myself. I fear failure greatly and know that sometimes (with my dissertation, especially) I used procrastination as an excuse--"It was okay, but would have been better written if I had more time." I also love planning, something that has become increasingly clear to me as I write this blog. I will plan my attack on my problems but sometimes, like the past few weeks, I'll be all talk and no action. The planning alone seems to give me enough mental relief to allow me to put off the actual work I planned.
The article goes on to discuss a few solutions/ways of viewing the problem:
Divided self: if you see yourself as not a unified person but with an interior like a republic where each side of you fights for different goals, you can label one part of you the procrastinator (who wants immediate pleasure) who is debating with the part of you who wants the larger goal. Then you simply allow a negotiation to take place where both feel they win (usually by convincing the procrastinating part of you that you will enjoy the fun part more if you do the larger goal first). This sounds good, but I haven't had much luck with the idea.
Extended will: This refers to tools which force you to do things: like setting deadlines or having a program which cuts off your internet access to allow you to focus. Deadlines were the only thing that made me finally finish my dissertation, but I've learned that unless they are truly hard deadlines with real consequences, they don't help me. I tried setting deadlines with my husband but since I know there are no real consequences if I go to him and say that I don't have a chapter ready to show him, I never have a chapter ready by my deadline.
Reframing: This is something which has helped some and I want to do more. From GTD, we learn that many times we put off projects just because they seem big or vague (because we don't know what to do next). David Allen urges us to break the project down to smaller steps and concentrate on the Next Step instead of the larger picture. In the same way, narrowing our choices can sometimes make it easier to decide.
The article points out, interestingly, that all of these are a "voluntary abnegation of freedom" and I suppose that is true. Then again, much of our lives are giving up of freedom. We go to work or do things for others, giving up our freedom to do something else or do as we want all day, in order to get something (paycheck, gratitude from others, fame, etc.-- whatever it is we want). Freedom is only truly freedom when sandwiched between times when we are less free. None of us are truly free all of the time--there are always commitments to others or tasks we need to do but may not enjoy. The question is whether we can learn to give up our freedom effectively so we can do those tasks with less hassle and leave us more guilt-free time to do more enjoyable tasks and relaxation.
Can we learn to stop procrastinating as much and free our lives from its great burden? I certainly hope so. In many ways, this question defines my project for the year.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Fall Back: Not Just a Reminder for Clocks
We are starting Autumn (otherwise known as Fall) and the weather will soon be cooling down (if it hasn't already). We will also soon reach the day for Daylight Savings Time where we'll be advised to "Fall Back" (a reminder to set the clocks back one hour). We'll also be advised that this is a good time to check our fire alarms and generally prepare the house for the coming winter.
I like Fall, and think these reminders are all good ideas. However, I also think that "Fall Back" can be a useful year-round reminder that sometimes when things aren't working, it is better to do a strategic retreat and regroup rather than forge ahead doing the same old thing and not succeeding.
In this way, I stopped job applications for a week, reviewed my resume and completely rewrote it, rewrote my cover letter paragraphs (personalized for each job but taken from a larger template depending on the job), and generally regrouped my energies since I was getting no where on the job market.
I got one interview (the first in 4 months) after this "Fall Back" (although I found out today I didn't get the position).
I've spent a lot of time recently complaining that I've not gotten as far as expected in my organizing and writing novel projects; in fact, that things were still disorganized and unhappy in many ways. I've decided to "Fall Back" and reevaluate what I've been doing and the techniques I've been using. Since I've not be succeeding, it seemed better to take a step back and reevaluate rather than just hope that things will improve.
Retreat doesn't not always mean surrender or defeat. Sometimes it is just a chance to regroup, rearm and rest--before tackling the battlements again.
I like Fall, and think these reminders are all good ideas. However, I also think that "Fall Back" can be a useful year-round reminder that sometimes when things aren't working, it is better to do a strategic retreat and regroup rather than forge ahead doing the same old thing and not succeeding.
In this way, I stopped job applications for a week, reviewed my resume and completely rewrote it, rewrote my cover letter paragraphs (personalized for each job but taken from a larger template depending on the job), and generally regrouped my energies since I was getting no where on the job market.
I got one interview (the first in 4 months) after this "Fall Back" (although I found out today I didn't get the position).
I've spent a lot of time recently complaining that I've not gotten as far as expected in my organizing and writing novel projects; in fact, that things were still disorganized and unhappy in many ways. I've decided to "Fall Back" and reevaluate what I've been doing and the techniques I've been using. Since I've not be succeeding, it seemed better to take a step back and reevaluate rather than just hope that things will improve.
Retreat doesn't not always mean surrender or defeat. Sometimes it is just a chance to regroup, rearm and rest--before tackling the battlements again.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Productivity and "Self-Help": Admiral Ackbar and Merlin Mann say it's a trap
If you have been reading productivity, personal finance, and self-help blogs for long enough, you know there used to be a very active and cool site called 43folders, where people like myself used to go for tips on GTD (Getting Things Done) and Productivity Pron (cool aps, neat tips, etc.). It was/is run by a guy called Merlin Mann who awhile back changed everything about that blog. Instead of frequent updates it meant to occasional rants; these rants became increasingly about giving up exactly what the blog used to be all about--reading about productivity.
The latest rant is a bit hard to follow at times (and has language which may offend some readers) but it ends with an intriguing image of a recent tweet Merlin wrote: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."
This (and some of the other bits of the rant) struck home to me. You'll know from reading my blog that I have questioned the wisdom of getting too caught up in changing my system and making to do lists, charting my progress, etc. I've been guilty of letting the self-help get in the way of the very work I'm supposed to be doing. I've also been guilty of enjoying my RSS feed too much, even to the detriment of the novel I am supposed to be writing.
I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. I also know that the simple "just do it" statements of people like Mann don't actually motivate very well. Sure, I find myself nodding and feeling like "yes, I should turn myself around" but really I feel this way after many a "self-help" article about productivity and motivation.
There is no easy answer for this trap. Each person will find her way out of it (or not) based on the goals that drive her. I know that my journey for this year has been all about me seeking my path to being able to get work done consistently and to find work which makes me want to keep doing it.
I don't have the answers, and neither does Mann (for me at least), but we both know that reading more self-help blogs doesn't get me there. As Admiral Ackbar (and Mann) would say "It's a trap!"
The latest rant is a bit hard to follow at times (and has language which may offend some readers) but it ends with an intriguing image of a recent tweet Merlin wrote: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."
This (and some of the other bits of the rant) struck home to me. You'll know from reading my blog that I have questioned the wisdom of getting too caught up in changing my system and making to do lists, charting my progress, etc. I've been guilty of letting the self-help get in the way of the very work I'm supposed to be doing. I've also been guilty of enjoying my RSS feed too much, even to the detriment of the novel I am supposed to be writing.
I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. I also know that the simple "just do it" statements of people like Mann don't actually motivate very well. Sure, I find myself nodding and feeling like "yes, I should turn myself around" but really I feel this way after many a "self-help" article about productivity and motivation.
There is no easy answer for this trap. Each person will find her way out of it (or not) based on the goals that drive her. I know that my journey for this year has been all about me seeking my path to being able to get work done consistently and to find work which makes me want to keep doing it.
I don't have the answers, and neither does Mann (for me at least), but we both know that reading more self-help blogs doesn't get me there. As Admiral Ackbar (and Mann) would say "It's a trap!"
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Exceptional Life: It Isn't About Being an Exception
Trent over at the Simple Dollar just had a post called The Myth of the Exceptional Life.
It is not unusual for me to disagree with Trent; although I enjoy the site, he does sometimes have opinions I disagree with--often not about finances but general philosophy and outlook.
I found this post interesting for two reasons: 1. He implies that an exceptional life is about being an exception and that 2. Exceptional life means comparing yourself to others (which seems to be about material goods).
I disagree with both of these ideas. I don't believe that living an exceptional life means that few have it. Sure, the word "Exceptional" comes from "Exception" but I don't know that it necessarily excludes the majority of people. I am not sure where the idea that if you could live a great life (one that is better than what you might have led) it excludes other people from doing so to comes from --rather than the idea that it excludes that lesser life you could have led. It is not a Zero Sum game. I believe everyone could lead an exceptional life (under the right circumstances--but each would look different than the next).
I also don't believe that the exceptional life necessitates people comparing themselves to others or being drawn to material goals. Trent, in his youth, was obsessed with keeping up with the Jones--doing as many people do and seeking to impress through spending. He now counsels against this, which is great, but he also tends to associate everything with that mindset.
Maybe because I am older than him (I believe) I see things differently. My exceptional life was never about other people, although some people like Trent would see it that way since it partly involves material things. My exceptional life is partly about my collections and about the home I desire. However, collections don't have to be about comparing to others but about the inner joy that I gain through my interests. I am a book collector; I love books. I love reading books and being surrounded by books. I have books that you just can't walk into a library and find. I have beautiful and scarce books. For me the physical object of the book is important and I am the curator for a future generation, caring for this edition of the book for the future. This brings great joy to me but it is not about materialism the way his gadgets, clothes or car might have been. It is part of how I view myself.
I am spending this year seeking ways to gain my exceptional life. It is not a myth. It is not about being an exception to others (as if only some people can gain the best life they can) nor is it about comparing myself to others. It is about recognizing what I want for my future and figuring out how to get there. This is partly trying to find a job which is not just a paycheck but is a calling and partly about getting myself organized and content with my life. The contentment will come as I get in touch with who I really am, now that I am almost 42.
I have found that who I am changes over time and somewhere while I was getting my degree, I lost track of who I am and what makes me happy. I also lost the ability to pursue the goals I say I want (like writing my novel). I am still working on gaining that back. When I do, I think my exceptional life will come.
It is not unusual for me to disagree with Trent; although I enjoy the site, he does sometimes have opinions I disagree with--often not about finances but general philosophy and outlook.
I found this post interesting for two reasons: 1. He implies that an exceptional life is about being an exception and that 2. Exceptional life means comparing yourself to others (which seems to be about material goods).
I disagree with both of these ideas. I don't believe that living an exceptional life means that few have it. Sure, the word "Exceptional" comes from "Exception" but I don't know that it necessarily excludes the majority of people. I am not sure where the idea that if you could live a great life (one that is better than what you might have led) it excludes other people from doing so to comes from --rather than the idea that it excludes that lesser life you could have led. It is not a Zero Sum game. I believe everyone could lead an exceptional life (under the right circumstances--but each would look different than the next).
I also don't believe that the exceptional life necessitates people comparing themselves to others or being drawn to material goals. Trent, in his youth, was obsessed with keeping up with the Jones--doing as many people do and seeking to impress through spending. He now counsels against this, which is great, but he also tends to associate everything with that mindset.
Maybe because I am older than him (I believe) I see things differently. My exceptional life was never about other people, although some people like Trent would see it that way since it partly involves material things. My exceptional life is partly about my collections and about the home I desire. However, collections don't have to be about comparing to others but about the inner joy that I gain through my interests. I am a book collector; I love books. I love reading books and being surrounded by books. I have books that you just can't walk into a library and find. I have beautiful and scarce books. For me the physical object of the book is important and I am the curator for a future generation, caring for this edition of the book for the future. This brings great joy to me but it is not about materialism the way his gadgets, clothes or car might have been. It is part of how I view myself.
I am spending this year seeking ways to gain my exceptional life. It is not a myth. It is not about being an exception to others (as if only some people can gain the best life they can) nor is it about comparing myself to others. It is about recognizing what I want for my future and figuring out how to get there. This is partly trying to find a job which is not just a paycheck but is a calling and partly about getting myself organized and content with my life. The contentment will come as I get in touch with who I really am, now that I am almost 42.
I have found that who I am changes over time and somewhere while I was getting my degree, I lost track of who I am and what makes me happy. I also lost the ability to pursue the goals I say I want (like writing my novel). I am still working on gaining that back. When I do, I think my exceptional life will come.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Falling Behind: The Cycle Begins Again
I'm falling behind in my work. That's right, my system is breaking down yet again. My house is messy, my inbox full, my to do list overflowing, and my stress level is high.
How did I get that way? I'm not really sure. This seems to happen in a cycle pretty often.
Here are some factors which tend to lead me back:
1. Something unexpected happens: This time it was our main computer. It died. The worst part of this is we didn't have our data properly backed up. I don't know how much we lost but it worries me. The hard drive has been replaced and we have the computer back but the data may be lost forever. (Everyone, back up your data now! You'll only regret data which isn't backed up!)
2. I get busy: I have spent the past few days working for one of my volunteer groups. I have taken on too much for them, I think, and it has become difficult to keep up.
3. I took a break: Because we had a very busy weekend volunteering, I took a break on Monday. This left me with too much to do on Tues and Wed and a messy house from the stuff we had out over the weekend which has not been put back. I tell myself that I deserve a break (like on Monday) but do I deserve the guilt I feel when I look around at this mess?
I think the reason why I keep coming back to this state of disorganization and stress is because I don't really have a clear system in place yet. I have been trying to establish a routine and some organization but it isn't there yet. I have been cleaning and organizing in order to establish the system but because there is no system, I have trouble finishing the organizing before things get out of control again.
I know that under this current layer of stuff, I have the beginnings of a more organized life but I don't want it to be under layers of stuff! I need to be able to maintain a more clutter-free existence. I also need to be able to handle the volunteering I have and still have time for job applications, novel writing, etc. Right now I don't feel like I have time for these things and that is not the way this is supposed to work.
I'm going to spend today trying to get caught up again and then Friday I'm going to work on my system. If I could get a good system of planning and organizing down and stick with it, maybe I could have better control over my life. That's what I've been working towards for all of these months. I hope that I am closer to it today.
How did I get that way? I'm not really sure. This seems to happen in a cycle pretty often.
Here are some factors which tend to lead me back:
1. Something unexpected happens: This time it was our main computer. It died. The worst part of this is we didn't have our data properly backed up. I don't know how much we lost but it worries me. The hard drive has been replaced and we have the computer back but the data may be lost forever. (Everyone, back up your data now! You'll only regret data which isn't backed up!)
2. I get busy: I have spent the past few days working for one of my volunteer groups. I have taken on too much for them, I think, and it has become difficult to keep up.
3. I took a break: Because we had a very busy weekend volunteering, I took a break on Monday. This left me with too much to do on Tues and Wed and a messy house from the stuff we had out over the weekend which has not been put back. I tell myself that I deserve a break (like on Monday) but do I deserve the guilt I feel when I look around at this mess?
I think the reason why I keep coming back to this state of disorganization and stress is because I don't really have a clear system in place yet. I have been trying to establish a routine and some organization but it isn't there yet. I have been cleaning and organizing in order to establish the system but because there is no system, I have trouble finishing the organizing before things get out of control again.
I know that under this current layer of stuff, I have the beginnings of a more organized life but I don't want it to be under layers of stuff! I need to be able to maintain a more clutter-free existence. I also need to be able to handle the volunteering I have and still have time for job applications, novel writing, etc. Right now I don't feel like I have time for these things and that is not the way this is supposed to work.
I'm going to spend today trying to get caught up again and then Friday I'm going to work on my system. If I could get a good system of planning and organizing down and stick with it, maybe I could have better control over my life. That's what I've been working towards for all of these months. I hope that I am closer to it today.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Give Some of Your Time: A Win/Win Situation
This weekend, starting today actually, I'll be busy with two different volunteer groups. I'll be working one event for about 12 hours today and then divide my time between the two groups tomorrow for a total of another 9+ hours and then spend another 8 hours on Sunday. I'm expecting to be tired by Sunday evening.
Why do it at all? First of all, because doing these events give something to my community. These groups are shorthanded and have a lot to do so they need people like me.
Second, I enjoy what I do for them. I will have fun during these three days, although there will also be tedium, hard work, and (in past years when the weather was hotter for this weekend event) miserably hot. (I'm glad it is supposed to be reasonably cool this weekend which will make it easier).
Third, I gain experience at these events which might help me in my job hunt. By participating in these groups, I can talk about how I have worked in an educational environment (running school tours today) or in publicity (I'm both groups' publicity person).
It is really a win/win situation when volunteering. I also get to know a lot of great people. Yes, sometimes I meet some annoying people or get frustrated by internal politics which sometimes go on in groups like these. I suppose that I learn a lesson about getting along with people too. That can't be a bad thing to learn either, so maybe even that is a win for me.
Don't think that you don't have time. Many of my groups are able to use even just a few hours a month. They just need someone to be reliable and show up each time. Heck, in one group we do an event every other month and if I could just count on someone to show up at that event to help set up chairs, it would be a huge bonus for the group.
Don't you have a little time every month or so to give to a community group? Think of the benefits--for yourself and others.
Why do it at all? First of all, because doing these events give something to my community. These groups are shorthanded and have a lot to do so they need people like me.
Second, I enjoy what I do for them. I will have fun during these three days, although there will also be tedium, hard work, and (in past years when the weather was hotter for this weekend event) miserably hot. (I'm glad it is supposed to be reasonably cool this weekend which will make it easier).
Third, I gain experience at these events which might help me in my job hunt. By participating in these groups, I can talk about how I have worked in an educational environment (running school tours today) or in publicity (I'm both groups' publicity person).
It is really a win/win situation when volunteering. I also get to know a lot of great people. Yes, sometimes I meet some annoying people or get frustrated by internal politics which sometimes go on in groups like these. I suppose that I learn a lesson about getting along with people too. That can't be a bad thing to learn either, so maybe even that is a win for me.
Don't think that you don't have time. Many of my groups are able to use even just a few hours a month. They just need someone to be reliable and show up each time. Heck, in one group we do an event every other month and if I could just count on someone to show up at that event to help set up chairs, it would be a huge bonus for the group.
Don't you have a little time every month or so to give to a community group? Think of the benefits--for yourself and others.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Patience, grasshopper......
Patience. It's something often counseled but too often hard to find when you need it.
It is in short supply in many peoples' cars, to judge by their driving and the road rage you see all of the time.
I find it can be in rather short supply inside of me, as well.
I'm impatient about finding a job (I can't believe I've been out of work so long and haven't had an interview in almost 2 months). I'm impatient with some of my volunteer organizations which I feel are poorly run and where I am under-appreciated (one thing I have the most trouble dealing with is anytime I feel like I'm not appreciated or respected--get me feeling that way and I become angry and defensive--a bad combo). I am sometimes too impatient with my husband. I try not to be but it's so easy of a trait to fall into that it is easy to slip.
Most of all, I'm impatient with myself for not doing the things I need to do. I have a novel to write. I have tasks I've promised people I would do for my volunteer groups. I have a house to clean and organize. I have so many tasks which need to be done and I'm often frustrated that I am not making fast enough progress on them. I'm frustrated at myself for procrastinating on some things, letting other things slip entirely, and letting obligations push off my writing.
I think there are two solutions:
1. I need to make progress on some of the things I am most unhappy to not be making progress on, to let up on the guilt I feel about these projects. And then I need to give myself a break on my past transgressions. It does no good to beat myself up over this. I need to figure out how to learn from my past but not to dwell on it.
2. I need to practice the fine art of patience with others around me. This often means reminding myself that I can't read peoples' intentions. This is what messes so many people up in driving. They'll say "that guy just cut me off" or "that pedestrian walked so slowly that I missed the only traffic opening" or "nice signal, buddy! did you see that guy change lanes without signaling?" And they'll act like the person did it deliberately at them when the driver complaining does the same things--not signaling far enough ahead every time, walking at a normal pace in a crosswalk without thinking about the needs of the driver who might have to wait a few extra seconds, or moving into a lane in order to get where they are going despite some person not really wanting to let you in. When YOU are doing it, it is needed--you are in a hurry or you forgot or you had the right of way. When SOMEONE else is doing it, they are in the wrong and getting in your way or are an awful driver.
This happens because we forgive ourselves the little lapses because we have a narrative that explains why we did this but we can't forgive the little lapses in a stranger because we have a narrative where it is done TO us. I see this all the time in others. I'm actually a very patient driver but I see others who are not and it bothers me, especially when I know that the behaviors they are upset with are ones they do as well.
Meanwhile I am impatient in other circles. I do the same things in volunteering that others do in the car. Someone does something I find annoying in my volunteer group and I get irritated as if they did it TO me--specifically to annoy me.
I think in both cases we are too busy being the center of our own universes. We create narratives to explain the behavior of others and accidentally place ourselves as part of the explanation for their behavior. Honestly, the other person probably is busy thinking of their own narrative and aren't thinking of us at all.
We are each the center of a tiny bubble and as we interact, the edges of the bubbles ripple when we come in contact. We each translate our interaction based on being the center of the universe. We can be a lot more patient if we see others that way. Each person we come in contact with has a crazy, busy life and so much going on beyond our own concerns.
That stranger who was rude wasn't even really thinking of you but of the sick child back home. That driver who didn't signal may be rushing to work, worried about layoffs. We need to cut each other a little slack. Sure, we shouldn't be rude and we should use our signals when we drive, but when others don't, it doesn't hurt to think that maybe they have something bigger going on and not blow up as if it were a personal affront aimed directly at us.
I aim, starting today, to cut others a bit more slack and to do the same for myself. That doesn't mean I excuse or condone bad behavior but I'm not going to subscribe evil intentions or bad character to every little thing either.
I'm going to practice a bit of patience with the world, including myself. I can't let every little thing gnaw at me. It will be better for everyone if I learn to let a few things go.
It is in short supply in many peoples' cars, to judge by their driving and the road rage you see all of the time.
I find it can be in rather short supply inside of me, as well.
I'm impatient about finding a job (I can't believe I've been out of work so long and haven't had an interview in almost 2 months). I'm impatient with some of my volunteer organizations which I feel are poorly run and where I am under-appreciated (one thing I have the most trouble dealing with is anytime I feel like I'm not appreciated or respected--get me feeling that way and I become angry and defensive--a bad combo). I am sometimes too impatient with my husband. I try not to be but it's so easy of a trait to fall into that it is easy to slip.
Most of all, I'm impatient with myself for not doing the things I need to do. I have a novel to write. I have tasks I've promised people I would do for my volunteer groups. I have a house to clean and organize. I have so many tasks which need to be done and I'm often frustrated that I am not making fast enough progress on them. I'm frustrated at myself for procrastinating on some things, letting other things slip entirely, and letting obligations push off my writing.
I think there are two solutions:
1. I need to make progress on some of the things I am most unhappy to not be making progress on, to let up on the guilt I feel about these projects. And then I need to give myself a break on my past transgressions. It does no good to beat myself up over this. I need to figure out how to learn from my past but not to dwell on it.
2. I need to practice the fine art of patience with others around me. This often means reminding myself that I can't read peoples' intentions. This is what messes so many people up in driving. They'll say "that guy just cut me off" or "that pedestrian walked so slowly that I missed the only traffic opening" or "nice signal, buddy! did you see that guy change lanes without signaling?" And they'll act like the person did it deliberately at them when the driver complaining does the same things--not signaling far enough ahead every time, walking at a normal pace in a crosswalk without thinking about the needs of the driver who might have to wait a few extra seconds, or moving into a lane in order to get where they are going despite some person not really wanting to let you in. When YOU are doing it, it is needed--you are in a hurry or you forgot or you had the right of way. When SOMEONE else is doing it, they are in the wrong and getting in your way or are an awful driver.
This happens because we forgive ourselves the little lapses because we have a narrative that explains why we did this but we can't forgive the little lapses in a stranger because we have a narrative where it is done TO us. I see this all the time in others. I'm actually a very patient driver but I see others who are not and it bothers me, especially when I know that the behaviors they are upset with are ones they do as well.
Meanwhile I am impatient in other circles. I do the same things in volunteering that others do in the car. Someone does something I find annoying in my volunteer group and I get irritated as if they did it TO me--specifically to annoy me.
I think in both cases we are too busy being the center of our own universes. We create narratives to explain the behavior of others and accidentally place ourselves as part of the explanation for their behavior. Honestly, the other person probably is busy thinking of their own narrative and aren't thinking of us at all.
We are each the center of a tiny bubble and as we interact, the edges of the bubbles ripple when we come in contact. We each translate our interaction based on being the center of the universe. We can be a lot more patient if we see others that way. Each person we come in contact with has a crazy, busy life and so much going on beyond our own concerns.
That stranger who was rude wasn't even really thinking of you but of the sick child back home. That driver who didn't signal may be rushing to work, worried about layoffs. We need to cut each other a little slack. Sure, we shouldn't be rude and we should use our signals when we drive, but when others don't, it doesn't hurt to think that maybe they have something bigger going on and not blow up as if it were a personal affront aimed directly at us.
I aim, starting today, to cut others a bit more slack and to do the same for myself. That doesn't mean I excuse or condone bad behavior but I'm not going to subscribe evil intentions or bad character to every little thing either.
I'm going to practice a bit of patience with the world, including myself. I can't let every little thing gnaw at me. It will be better for everyone if I learn to let a few things go.
Friday, August 27, 2010
5 Month Update: Ups and Downs of a Rollercoaster Life
My life has been a series of contradictions since I started this blog on my 41st birthday.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Small Victories Upon Small Victories
We tend to want big victories. We set big goals and celebrate big milestones.
I think this can be a mistake. There are plenty of small victories which deserve recognition.
For instance, I've been organizing my house for two weeks now. The first few days were triage. We pulled all of the chaos out into the open and we set up a triage system where we gathered it into piles by type. We needed to see just how bad each category of paper was--for instance each of my groups which I volunteer with got its own pile. Some of these were quite huge, others small. None of these papers had a good home so things had been out of control for awhile. As I've stated at least twice in the past two weeks, the mess this system caused was extensive. We had stacks of papers everywhere where before some of it hadn't looked as bad; now it looked horrible. It felt like I had made things worse.
For the past two days, I've been working hard on various stacks, and I'm celebrating a small victory--the reduction of the piles! There are 40% fewer piles than a few days ago.
I'm not done, of course, but it seemed important to me to recognize my progress.
Too often, I think, people only look at the failure side of things. I had been thinking how bad the house looked right now. I am still less than half way finished. That sounded awful to me. Then I realized. I did 4.5 stacks yesterday. When you compare where I was when I started, I'm about 40% finished sorting and finding homes for what we are keeping (we are recycling a lot of paper--the blue can was full when it went out this morning!).
I'm not suggesting that, as a society, we need to go down the path that leads to celebrating every little victory. I think some places have gone too far, with huge parties for kindergarten graduations, trophies for participation instead of winning, and "everybody is a winner" attitudes. I'm not suggesting that at all. Don't celebrate false victories, but it can be important to acknowledge what we have done. It is not a failure to be 40% done with my organizing project. As long as I don't leave it at this stage, that is a great milestone I can be proud to reach. It can encourage me to keep going, knowing that I am getting there (slowly, yes, but getting there).
Sometimes it is important to celebrate the intermediate steps to victory in order to keep morale up enough to reach the end goal. If anything less than total victory is the only thing worthy of celebrating, we can too often feel depressed on the journey--feeling like a failure all the way until we reach the end. The journey should be as uplifting as the success at the end or the journey won't be worth doing.
I think this can be a mistake. There are plenty of small victories which deserve recognition.
For instance, I've been organizing my house for two weeks now. The first few days were triage. We pulled all of the chaos out into the open and we set up a triage system where we gathered it into piles by type. We needed to see just how bad each category of paper was--for instance each of my groups which I volunteer with got its own pile. Some of these were quite huge, others small. None of these papers had a good home so things had been out of control for awhile. As I've stated at least twice in the past two weeks, the mess this system caused was extensive. We had stacks of papers everywhere where before some of it hadn't looked as bad; now it looked horrible. It felt like I had made things worse.
For the past two days, I've been working hard on various stacks, and I'm celebrating a small victory--the reduction of the piles! There are 40% fewer piles than a few days ago.
I'm not done, of course, but it seemed important to me to recognize my progress.
Too often, I think, people only look at the failure side of things. I had been thinking how bad the house looked right now. I am still less than half way finished. That sounded awful to me. Then I realized. I did 4.5 stacks yesterday. When you compare where I was when I started, I'm about 40% finished sorting and finding homes for what we are keeping (we are recycling a lot of paper--the blue can was full when it went out this morning!).
I'm not suggesting that, as a society, we need to go down the path that leads to celebrating every little victory. I think some places have gone too far, with huge parties for kindergarten graduations, trophies for participation instead of winning, and "everybody is a winner" attitudes. I'm not suggesting that at all. Don't celebrate false victories, but it can be important to acknowledge what we have done. It is not a failure to be 40% done with my organizing project. As long as I don't leave it at this stage, that is a great milestone I can be proud to reach. It can encourage me to keep going, knowing that I am getting there (slowly, yes, but getting there).
Sometimes it is important to celebrate the intermediate steps to victory in order to keep morale up enough to reach the end goal. If anything less than total victory is the only thing worthy of celebrating, we can too often feel depressed on the journey--feeling like a failure all the way until we reach the end. The journey should be as uplifting as the success at the end or the journey won't be worth doing.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Tamarillos and Other New Experiences
As part of my "41 Things to Do Before I'm 42" list, I tried a new fruit. It was a Tamarillo. I saw it at the grocery store and bought it, despite its high price tag. It was on sale, for $3.50 a piece. That's a lot for a fruit the size of a Roma tomato, especially when you are out of work, but I decided it was worth it to get the new experience.
A day later, in the late morning, I was feeling like a snack, so I got out the Tamarillo. I had already looked it up online to find out that the skin is inedible so I peeled it. The skin is bright red and comes off rather easily. Underneath is bright orange. It is like holding a bright orange softboiled egg in your hand and removing the red shell with a knife. The whole thing would hold together but feel squishy and move in my hand as I removed the skin. It was very weird.
Once peeled, I sliced it in half. The insides are a bit like a small pomegranate so that you have an orange fruit whose insides are mostly tiny red seeds (which I read were edible). I put each half in a bowl with a spoon and gave one bowl to my husband and sat down to have my new experience.
I took my time, smelling it (sort of like a tomato) and poking the seeds with the spoon. The color combination was certainly odd. Then I cut off a piece (texture: again, sort of like a roma tomato). When I bit into it, my face screwed up tight, and my feet kicked out. It was slightly sour and very weird. Kind of a cantalope with tomato seeds inside, but a little sour too. Each bite confirmed the experience. It was fairly hideous. I can honestly say, save your money on this one. I don't think the Tamarillo will be the next hot fruit to eat.
The interesting thing is that I don't regret my experience. I wanted to try something new, and I did. When I see this thing again, I'll know exactly what it was like and will have a strong, vivid memory of eating it. I broadened my horizons. That was really what my list was all about, anyways.
Not all experiences in life are good ones, but every experience teaches something and leaves a memory. Even bad experiences, when remembered later, can take on a warm glow of fond memory. Some of the worse travel experiences become funny stories later and some of our strongest memories.
I got my $3.50's worth of experience out of that tiny Tamarillo. I just won't be repeating it again anytime soon!
A day later, in the late morning, I was feeling like a snack, so I got out the Tamarillo. I had already looked it up online to find out that the skin is inedible so I peeled it. The skin is bright red and comes off rather easily. Underneath is bright orange. It is like holding a bright orange softboiled egg in your hand and removing the red shell with a knife. The whole thing would hold together but feel squishy and move in my hand as I removed the skin. It was very weird.
Once peeled, I sliced it in half. The insides are a bit like a small pomegranate so that you have an orange fruit whose insides are mostly tiny red seeds (which I read were edible). I put each half in a bowl with a spoon and gave one bowl to my husband and sat down to have my new experience.
I took my time, smelling it (sort of like a tomato) and poking the seeds with the spoon. The color combination was certainly odd. Then I cut off a piece (texture: again, sort of like a roma tomato). When I bit into it, my face screwed up tight, and my feet kicked out. It was slightly sour and very weird. Kind of a cantalope with tomato seeds inside, but a little sour too. Each bite confirmed the experience. It was fairly hideous. I can honestly say, save your money on this one. I don't think the Tamarillo will be the next hot fruit to eat.
The interesting thing is that I don't regret my experience. I wanted to try something new, and I did. When I see this thing again, I'll know exactly what it was like and will have a strong, vivid memory of eating it. I broadened my horizons. That was really what my list was all about, anyways.
Not all experiences in life are good ones, but every experience teaches something and leaves a memory. Even bad experiences, when remembered later, can take on a warm glow of fond memory. Some of the worse travel experiences become funny stories later and some of our strongest memories.
I got my $3.50's worth of experience out of that tiny Tamarillo. I just won't be repeating it again anytime soon!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Update: 41 Things
12 Down, 29 to Go? Here's a rundown:
1. Take a class in letterpress printing (have looked into schedule but nothing fits yet)
2. Go to visit my Grandma again (pricing this now)
3. Visit a cave
4. Sightsee in my own city for several days (I led a tour group around SD recently, so..... done)
5. Write to someone in secret code
6. Plan a scavenger hunt for someone and follow through and do it
7. Paint something (a project)
8. Mosaic tile something (a project)
9. Sew a piece of clothing from scratch (I started a vest but didn't finish it)
(Just finished--although I had help from a friend who is an expert)
10. Finish the clock I started to make but never completed
11. Paint a wall some color other than off white (every room but our bathroom is white)
12. Buy and wear some funky, impractical sandals just for fun
13. Roll down a grassy hill
14. Try new recipes
Sorta Done because of 15 and 16 but will do more
15. Make eggrolls DONE although need to find better version of the wrappers and try again
16. Make Cornish Pasties from scratch DONE although they weren't very good so I'll be trying a different recipe at some point
17. Make some of my own jewelry (beads, perhaps?)
18. Go to the desert to look at wildflowers
19. Go Antique store shopping in LA
20. Go to the Rose Bowl/Pasadena Swap meet on the day antique dealers are there
21. Bargain for something at a garage sale
22. Try a fruit I've never eaten before DONE: Tomatillo was awful. I have a Pluot in the frig right now because I've never had one of them either, to my knowledge.
23. Cut up a whole pineapple the proper way (I've read about it but never done it)
24. Give a speech in public on a topic I care about (I've not had the chance to do
this lately)
25. Get something I've written published (either fiction or nonfiction)--I just self published so sort of done, but I meant beyond that when I wrote the list, so I'll keep working! I've submitted a few things but only rejections so far. Self published but not really published yet!
26. Take a fiction writing course (I've done it before but want to do it again)
27. Make a Christmas Ornament
28. Paper mache something
29. Try a new board game or two with friends/familyDONE
30. Get a few readers on this blog (and have a few of them comment kindly)
DONE?
31. Try a new hairstyle DONE
32. Dress in a costume in public (I've done this before; I want to do again) DONE--twice and have another occasion planned for this week!
33. Get my face painted like the kids do at carnivals or fairs
34. Bungee jump (or the equivalent fair ride where they fling people upwards). Missed the County Fair this year so this may not happen before my birthday. We'll see.
35. Ride a train longer than two hours--preferably a day long trip or overnight
36. Have a massage and a facial
37. Try at least three different types of cheeses I've never had before DONE--deliciously so
38. Make my own ice cream
39. Make my own bread, with yeast I raised myself
40. Act in a scene or play in front of an audience at least once this year
41. Have a dinner party where more than one couple is invited to our house
(family doesn't count in this case)
1. Take a class in letterpress printing (have looked into schedule but nothing fits yet)
2. Go to visit my Grandma again (pricing this now)
3. Visit a cave
4. Sightsee in my own city for several days (I led a tour group around SD recently, so..... done)
5. Write to someone in secret code
6. Plan a scavenger hunt for someone and follow through and do it
7. Paint something (a project)
8. Mosaic tile something (a project)
9. Sew a piece of clothing from scratch (I started a vest but didn't finish it)
(Just finished--although I had help from a friend who is an expert)
10. Finish the clock I started to make but never completed
11. Paint a wall some color other than off white (every room but our bathroom is white)
12. Buy and wear some funky, impractical sandals just for fun
13. Roll down a grassy hill
14. Try new recipes
Sorta Done because of 15 and 16 but will do more
15. Make eggrolls DONE although need to find better version of the wrappers and try again
16. Make Cornish Pasties from scratch DONE although they weren't very good so I'll be trying a different recipe at some point
17. Make some of my own jewelry (beads, perhaps?)
18. Go to the desert to look at wildflowers
19. Go Antique store shopping in LA
20. Go to the Rose Bowl/Pasadena Swap meet on the day antique dealers are there
21. Bargain for something at a garage sale
22. Try a fruit I've never eaten before DONE: Tomatillo was awful. I have a Pluot in the frig right now because I've never had one of them either, to my knowledge.
23. Cut up a whole pineapple the proper way (I've read about it but never done it)
24. Give a speech in public on a topic I care about (I've not had the chance to do
this lately)
25. Get something I've written published (either fiction or nonfiction)--I just self published so sort of done, but I meant beyond that when I wrote the list, so I'll keep working! I've submitted a few things but only rejections so far. Self published but not really published yet!
26. Take a fiction writing course (I've done it before but want to do it again)
27. Make a Christmas Ornament
28. Paper mache something
29. Try a new board game or two with friends/familyDONE
30. Get a few readers on this blog (and have a few of them comment kindly)
DONE?
31. Try a new hairstyle DONE
32. Dress in a costume in public (I've done this before; I want to do again) DONE--twice and have another occasion planned for this week!
33. Get my face painted like the kids do at carnivals or fairs
34. Bungee jump (or the equivalent fair ride where they fling people upwards). Missed the County Fair this year so this may not happen before my birthday. We'll see.
35. Ride a train longer than two hours--preferably a day long trip or overnight
36. Have a massage and a facial
37. Try at least three different types of cheeses I've never had before DONE--deliciously so
38. Make my own ice cream
39. Make my own bread, with yeast I raised myself
40. Act in a scene or play in front of an audience at least once this year
41. Have a dinner party where more than one couple is invited to our house
(family doesn't count in this case)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Cleaning Out Old Decisions
I'm cleaning my closet out today. It is hard to part with clothing. Today I am getting rid of a beautiful sequined top I bought for my 10th reunion (1997) which I think I wore to special events twice. It doesn't fit me anymore, just like its beautiful flowing black skirt. I've had these in the back of my closet for ages and they survived several closet purgings because I told myself that I'd wear them again someday.
The same goes for three blazers I used to wear a lot in the early 90s. They are good quality and very practical in design. While they still fit, mostly, they are old and don't button closed (a little tight in the waist, but I never buttoned them anyways so I kept them for years, seldom wearing them).
I also found some clothes which I had bought recently but found that I didn't like that much. Some pulled funny (material issues) or just didn't suit me as well as I thought in the store. Because it is hard to admit that I'd made a mistake in buying these (and wasting money on things I'm not wearing), I had a hard time putting them on the donate stack as well.
However, that is what I've been doing. I have 8 items on the donate stack so far and will be adding more soon. The bad decisions of buying clothes that don't suit me are in the past. No use burdening my present self with those mistakes. The beautiful clothes of past days are not part of my future and I need to accept that. How will I have room for the beautiful clothes of my present and future self if I don't get rid of the old clothes from my past?
These are hard lessons to learn. I'm taking small steps by going through my closet. I'm also continuing my office clean out project.
It's hard to get rid of things sometimes because of what the things represent: old memories I want to keep, a sense that this thing will be useful in the future, or a decision which I don't want to admit was wrong. I think we all have this habit of investing our things with these extra invisible burdens. What I need to remember is that I will still have the memory (and, indeed, a picture) of my 10th reunion without having the dress I wore that night. Even if I lose some weight, I don't have very many events where I could wear that sort of dress, so I need to let it go. I can't hang onto it on the hypothetical hope that sometime it will both fit me and be suitable for an event (at the same time). The same goes for the other clothes and for many things in my office. I need room for my future and for that I need to let go of some of the less useful remnants of my past.
It is sort of like I was saying on Wed's post--I'm starting over on my quest. Both mentally and in some of my possessions, I have to let go of my past mistakes or past memories so that I can move forward.
The same goes for three blazers I used to wear a lot in the early 90s. They are good quality and very practical in design. While they still fit, mostly, they are old and don't button closed (a little tight in the waist, but I never buttoned them anyways so I kept them for years, seldom wearing them).
I also found some clothes which I had bought recently but found that I didn't like that much. Some pulled funny (material issues) or just didn't suit me as well as I thought in the store. Because it is hard to admit that I'd made a mistake in buying these (and wasting money on things I'm not wearing), I had a hard time putting them on the donate stack as well.
However, that is what I've been doing. I have 8 items on the donate stack so far and will be adding more soon. The bad decisions of buying clothes that don't suit me are in the past. No use burdening my present self with those mistakes. The beautiful clothes of past days are not part of my future and I need to accept that. How will I have room for the beautiful clothes of my present and future self if I don't get rid of the old clothes from my past?
These are hard lessons to learn. I'm taking small steps by going through my closet. I'm also continuing my office clean out project.
It's hard to get rid of things sometimes because of what the things represent: old memories I want to keep, a sense that this thing will be useful in the future, or a decision which I don't want to admit was wrong. I think we all have this habit of investing our things with these extra invisible burdens. What I need to remember is that I will still have the memory (and, indeed, a picture) of my 10th reunion without having the dress I wore that night. Even if I lose some weight, I don't have very many events where I could wear that sort of dress, so I need to let it go. I can't hang onto it on the hypothetical hope that sometime it will both fit me and be suitable for an event (at the same time). The same goes for the other clothes and for many things in my office. I need room for my future and for that I need to let go of some of the less useful remnants of my past.
It is sort of like I was saying on Wed's post--I'm starting over on my quest. Both mentally and in some of my possessions, I have to let go of my past mistakes or past memories so that I can move forward.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
4 Month Progress Report: Getting Started Again
I started this quest on March 28th. Here I am in July and I am starting all over again.
I am afraid that this is common in my life. I have lots of plans but the follow through can be a problem.
I've decided it is time, now that my big event from almost 2 weeks ago is done, to take stock of what I've done since my birthday and start fresh. I will forgive myself for falling short of my rather ambitious goals. It's important that I'm still on the journey.
Progress made:
I've kept up with this blog, missing only two of my posting days. This is the longest I've ever maintained a blog, although I had good intentions the three other times I started one (on various topics).
I've partially organized my home office (I can walk in it again--it had been the household equivalent of a junk drawer).
I've made my "41 Things To Do Before I'm 42" list and accomplished 5 things on it (I've got to get back to doing more of them).
I did some good unpaid work for several organizations (adding to my graphic design and publicity portfolio) and ran a large event 1.5 weeks ago which went well.
I was laid off from the job I wanted to quit the same week I started this blog. Although I've not found a paying job yet, I've applied to a lot of great places and remain hopeful.
Things to do:
I have a list of projects to do--and I need to finish a bunch of them which have been hanging around for a long time.
I have a novel to write and I want to get back to writing--preferably several hours each week will be set aside for writing--starting next week.
I want to do more with my "41 Things" list and have some great experiences.
Hopefully I'll find a job before my 42nd birthday--preferably something I like and feel motivated to do (instead of my last job which I took purely for the paycheck and hated every second of the day).
My Monthly Theme will be "Starting Fresh" and I will restart my quest. I will look at my to do list and my "41 Things" list and see what I can get accomplished. I've done so much in the past few months. I'm sure that if I set my mind to it, I can do even more now.
To anyone reading this blog, thank you for being on the journey with me. Do you have a quest you are trying to fulfill? Sometimes it is easier when you are on the journey with others. Comment here to share your quest.
I am afraid that this is common in my life. I have lots of plans but the follow through can be a problem.
I've decided it is time, now that my big event from almost 2 weeks ago is done, to take stock of what I've done since my birthday and start fresh. I will forgive myself for falling short of my rather ambitious goals. It's important that I'm still on the journey.
Progress made:
I've kept up with this blog, missing only two of my posting days. This is the longest I've ever maintained a blog, although I had good intentions the three other times I started one (on various topics).
I've partially organized my home office (I can walk in it again--it had been the household equivalent of a junk drawer).
I've made my "41 Things To Do Before I'm 42" list and accomplished 5 things on it (I've got to get back to doing more of them).
I did some good unpaid work for several organizations (adding to my graphic design and publicity portfolio) and ran a large event 1.5 weeks ago which went well.
I was laid off from the job I wanted to quit the same week I started this blog. Although I've not found a paying job yet, I've applied to a lot of great places and remain hopeful.
Things to do:
I have a list of projects to do--and I need to finish a bunch of them which have been hanging around for a long time.
I have a novel to write and I want to get back to writing--preferably several hours each week will be set aside for writing--starting next week.
I want to do more with my "41 Things" list and have some great experiences.
Hopefully I'll find a job before my 42nd birthday--preferably something I like and feel motivated to do (instead of my last job which I took purely for the paycheck and hated every second of the day).
My Monthly Theme will be "Starting Fresh" and I will restart my quest. I will look at my to do list and my "41 Things" list and see what I can get accomplished. I've done so much in the past few months. I'm sure that if I set my mind to it, I can do even more now.
To anyone reading this blog, thank you for being on the journey with me. Do you have a quest you are trying to fulfill? Sometimes it is easier when you are on the journey with others. Comment here to share your quest.
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