I've not written on this blog for most of this month. Part of me says that this is self-sabotage because now I can't even claim to have kept with my goal of writing on the blog regularly for the whole year (I came so close!).
The other part of me says that it is because I've come to feel that this is a futile gesture--the blog had become a place for me to indicate that I still hadn't changed anything about my life. I have remained the same uncertain woman who looked at her 41st birthday and didn't know how to accomplish my goals. My house is messy. My novel unfinished. I have a stack of projects that I say I want to do but I spend my days not working on them. I have panic attacks and and unemployed. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to my 42nd birthday with any great joy. I won't be the person I said I wanted to be a year ago.
I realized that writing in this blog was not helping me to reach my goals (other than the goal to write in the blog). I decided to take some time off (and figured that it wasn't like anyone would miss me, since I have few followers).
Unfortunately, it wasn't the blog that was keeping me from my goals. I remain the same person I was before. Nothing new has been accomplished. Sure, I rolled down a hill (it was fun! it was also on my 41 Things to Do List), but otherwise the time has resulted in few accomplishments.
Breaking bad habits is a hard task. I have years of inertia and fear built up. Breaking through this has been difficult. I have desire to do it but apparently not enough willpower.
I'm going to try again and I'll check in again soon with my report. I will definitely write again as my birthday nears (at the end of March). I want to be heading down the correct road when my birthday rolls around, even if I haven't found my destination.
Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Monthly Evaluation: Birthday Countdown!
The end of January is already past, and since I was out of town, I did not do my normal evaluation of my progress. Perhaps it is for the best, since I've spent most of these months simply explaining how I've not made much progress and then setting goals for myself for the next month.
Not much different this time, I think.
I am less than two months until my birthday and all I've managed to prove with this year is that habits are really hard to break. Having been one type of person for 41 years, I am having difficulty being a different kind of person for my 42nd year. I wanted to improve some of my flaws, particularly the procrastinating and disorganized part, and find a career/life for myself which I could be happy with, but I continue to be unemployed, messy/disorganized, and procrastinating.
It is very discouraging to find that good intentions are harder to turn into good, consistent action. I am excellent at planning to change. The problem, for me, is always in the execution.
In the same way, I am excellent at planning novels, but the actual job of writing them seems to be much harder to maintain.
Even things I really want to do (my novels, my 41 Things To Do list, etc.) are pushed off. I have started so many projects over the past few months but can point to hardly anything I've finished.
All I can do is hope that my increasing frustration with myself and the upcoming deadline will force me to get myself into gear and get some things done.
Not much different this time, I think.
I am less than two months until my birthday and all I've managed to prove with this year is that habits are really hard to break. Having been one type of person for 41 years, I am having difficulty being a different kind of person for my 42nd year. I wanted to improve some of my flaws, particularly the procrastinating and disorganized part, and find a career/life for myself which I could be happy with, but I continue to be unemployed, messy/disorganized, and procrastinating.
It is very discouraging to find that good intentions are harder to turn into good, consistent action. I am excellent at planning to change. The problem, for me, is always in the execution.
In the same way, I am excellent at planning novels, but the actual job of writing them seems to be much harder to maintain.
Even things I really want to do (my novels, my 41 Things To Do list, etc.) are pushed off. I have started so many projects over the past few months but can point to hardly anything I've finished.
All I can do is hope that my increasing frustration with myself and the upcoming deadline will force me to get myself into gear and get some things done.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Native Hue of Resolution
In Hamlet's famous speech about "To be or not to be" there is a line that "the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with a pale cast of thought with this regard the currents turn awry and lose the name of action." "Thus thinking doth make cowards of us all." (quote from memory)
In January we see a lot of people whose "native hue of resolution" becomes pale and loses the "name of action." Every year people plan big for the start of a new year, and by the end of January these people are back to the same as last year.
I'm no better. Last birthday I made big plans; I started this blog to help me keep track of them. Instead, this blog has become the place to go to explain why I haven't made the progress I intended. The "pale cast of thought" has taken over and I am stuck in this currents that have gone awry.
What it becomes clear to me is that it is really hard to change bad habits. I am a procrastinator and making improvements to this, even when they would really help my life and the projects I am procrastinating on really matter to me, is HARD. I fear failure and I can't fail if I never try. That's certainly part of it. I also find it hard to resist easy temptations, like the internet, books, and TV. I'm a sucker for narrative, in all forms, so I get caught up in stories.
The problem is that my own story is unwritten--both my novel and my life. I will get nothing done if I don't become less like Hamlet--I need to DO, not just think.
I am not alone in these problems. In January I've never had more company, in fact, but somehow that doesn't make it seem any easier.
In January we see a lot of people whose "native hue of resolution" becomes pale and loses the "name of action." Every year people plan big for the start of a new year, and by the end of January these people are back to the same as last year.
I'm no better. Last birthday I made big plans; I started this blog to help me keep track of them. Instead, this blog has become the place to go to explain why I haven't made the progress I intended. The "pale cast of thought" has taken over and I am stuck in this currents that have gone awry.
What it becomes clear to me is that it is really hard to change bad habits. I am a procrastinator and making improvements to this, even when they would really help my life and the projects I am procrastinating on really matter to me, is HARD. I fear failure and I can't fail if I never try. That's certainly part of it. I also find it hard to resist easy temptations, like the internet, books, and TV. I'm a sucker for narrative, in all forms, so I get caught up in stories.
The problem is that my own story is unwritten--both my novel and my life. I will get nothing done if I don't become less like Hamlet--I need to DO, not just think.
I am not alone in these problems. In January I've never had more company, in fact, but somehow that doesn't make it seem any easier.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Avoidance Mentality
I've noticed that I can be very good at avoiding work I don't want to do. It doesn't matter that what I am avoiding might only take a few minutes and that I've been needlessly delaying for hours, making myself unhappy over something that could be over and done with, but I can still find a way to delay doing the work.
I'm not the only one. My husband is excellent about delaying things he finds embarrassing or uncomfortable. In our old house we had a large desk in our office which we didn't actually use. We mostly stored things in it. I discovered that my husband would stash things he didn't want to deal with under the desk, where he could find them later but wouldn't have to see them until then.
I took to calling avoidance putting things "under the big desk" and I'm afraid that I am pretty good at it.
Right now I have some work to do. It isn't that it is difficult or that unpleasant, but it isn't exciting and I've delayed it just long enough that I now feel guilty about it. That guilt is not something I like to face, so I delay some more. This, inevitably, leads to more guilt and so I'm in a loop of nonwork which is ridiculous when I examine it but, oh so easy to fall into when I don't examine it.
Examination is probably the key here. Silly excuses and petty delays are harder to keep going in the cold objective light of examination. The problem is that those of us who are good at putting things under the big desk, don't generally like to drag things out into the light of day.
It is for that reason that I keep this blog. To force myself to see what I am doing--sabotaging myself and my progress. I could finish my work and enjoy my internet surfing in peace or I can poke at the internet as guilt festers and more work builds up, making me forced to put in a long day of catch up fueled anxiety.
If you are good at avoiding what you know you should be doing, drag the reasons out into the light of day. They seldom hold up when examined. Then, like me, you can simply do the work--and feel better afterwards, wondering why you put it off in the first place.
I'm not the only one. My husband is excellent about delaying things he finds embarrassing or uncomfortable. In our old house we had a large desk in our office which we didn't actually use. We mostly stored things in it. I discovered that my husband would stash things he didn't want to deal with under the desk, where he could find them later but wouldn't have to see them until then.
I took to calling avoidance putting things "under the big desk" and I'm afraid that I am pretty good at it.
Right now I have some work to do. It isn't that it is difficult or that unpleasant, but it isn't exciting and I've delayed it just long enough that I now feel guilty about it. That guilt is not something I like to face, so I delay some more. This, inevitably, leads to more guilt and so I'm in a loop of nonwork which is ridiculous when I examine it but, oh so easy to fall into when I don't examine it.
Examination is probably the key here. Silly excuses and petty delays are harder to keep going in the cold objective light of examination. The problem is that those of us who are good at putting things under the big desk, don't generally like to drag things out into the light of day.
It is for that reason that I keep this blog. To force myself to see what I am doing--sabotaging myself and my progress. I could finish my work and enjoy my internet surfing in peace or I can poke at the internet as guilt festers and more work builds up, making me forced to put in a long day of catch up fueled anxiety.
If you are good at avoiding what you know you should be doing, drag the reasons out into the light of day. They seldom hold up when examined. Then, like me, you can simply do the work--and feel better afterwards, wondering why you put it off in the first place.
Friday, November 26, 2010
November: My Monthly Progress Report
This weekend marks the start of the 9th month of my blog. I'm not sure I've kept proper count in past progress reports since I think I already said something like this. Regardless, I started my blog on March 28 (on the occasion of my 41st birthday) and have been writing it ever since.
The goal of this blog is to have a place for me to write about my concerns and thoughts on self-improvement--because at 41 I realized that I was unhappy with the way my life had been going lately and I wanted to make it better but wasn't sure how.
If you've been reading my past posts, which a few people have been doing to my surprise, you'll know that I have been examining my difficulty with getting and staying organized, my issues with procrastination (particularly with various projects I have been working on, including my novel), and trying to determine what career choices to make.
I've had some ups and downs. I finished a major event which was a lot of work but afterwards I was so burned out that I spent months being depressed and getting nothing else done. I've just started getting out from under this but the holidays always mess up my schedule and add new stresses.
I've been unemployed since the first week of my blog, unfortunately (although I did hate my job so there are some feelings of happiness about this), and my husband has also been out of work for that same time period, having been laid off from his work a few months before me. This obviously has led to financial issues and stresses, which has not made my quest easier, although it certainly has led to more time being available for pursuing what interests us.
I made a list of things I wanted to do this year which would expose me to new experiences and force me to stretch myself more (break out of shyness, fight my fears, and try new things) but I've not been following through on this list for the past few months and would like to get started on it again. I enjoyed it when I was doing it. I tried a new hairstyle, wore a costume, tried some new recipes, etc. I don't know if I will finish all of them before my 42nd birthday but we'll see. I can, at least, try.
I was participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this month but it will come as no surprise that I've not been following through and probably won't meet my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm not sure why I've been holding back. Even on days when I had time, I've made excuses and not written that much. I did make some progress with my novel, more than some months, but I wish I had been more consistent on writing every day. I will have to work on that for the next month.
The end of the year approaches and I know that this is a time of the year when many people, myself included, often spend some time reevaluating our lives. For those of you on the journey of self-discovery and improvement like myself, I hope you will share your insights with me in the comments. There is no reason why we need to be alone while we strive to have better, happier lives.
The goal of this blog is to have a place for me to write about my concerns and thoughts on self-improvement--because at 41 I realized that I was unhappy with the way my life had been going lately and I wanted to make it better but wasn't sure how.
If you've been reading my past posts, which a few people have been doing to my surprise, you'll know that I have been examining my difficulty with getting and staying organized, my issues with procrastination (particularly with various projects I have been working on, including my novel), and trying to determine what career choices to make.
I've had some ups and downs. I finished a major event which was a lot of work but afterwards I was so burned out that I spent months being depressed and getting nothing else done. I've just started getting out from under this but the holidays always mess up my schedule and add new stresses.
I've been unemployed since the first week of my blog, unfortunately (although I did hate my job so there are some feelings of happiness about this), and my husband has also been out of work for that same time period, having been laid off from his work a few months before me. This obviously has led to financial issues and stresses, which has not made my quest easier, although it certainly has led to more time being available for pursuing what interests us.
I made a list of things I wanted to do this year which would expose me to new experiences and force me to stretch myself more (break out of shyness, fight my fears, and try new things) but I've not been following through on this list for the past few months and would like to get started on it again. I enjoyed it when I was doing it. I tried a new hairstyle, wore a costume, tried some new recipes, etc. I don't know if I will finish all of them before my 42nd birthday but we'll see. I can, at least, try.
I was participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this month but it will come as no surprise that I've not been following through and probably won't meet my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm not sure why I've been holding back. Even on days when I had time, I've made excuses and not written that much. I did make some progress with my novel, more than some months, but I wish I had been more consistent on writing every day. I will have to work on that for the next month.
The end of the year approaches and I know that this is a time of the year when many people, myself included, often spend some time reevaluating our lives. For those of you on the journey of self-discovery and improvement like myself, I hope you will share your insights with me in the comments. There is no reason why we need to be alone while we strive to have better, happier lives.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Beware of Ides: Why Fake Deadlines Didn't Work For Me
Procrastination. It affects most of us to some extent. I know I'm not the only one who has put off important projects or had trouble completing a big project on time. I'm certainly not the only Ph.D. candidate who had trouble writing my dissertation. One friend even talked about "ironing shoelaces" as what typically happens to people writing their dissertation: they'll do any trivial and unnecessary task to get out of doing more writing on their big project.
There is also lots of advice out there for fixing procrastination. One of the techniques frequently recommended is to set personal deadlines for a project or steps within a project.
I've tried that a number of times. I tried setting deadlines for my dissertation but I was always giving myself excuses. The same thing happened with my novel. I thought I had the perfect solution--to make myself work on my novel more often, I would set a deadline every month where I had to share my progress with my husband, and he'd do the same with his writing project. Since we'd have to be able to show progress every month, I thought this would keep us from slacking off too much on our writing.
I chose the Ides (the 15th of the month, made famous as the Ides of March when Julius Caesar was killed--"Beware the Ides of March!"). It was easy to remember, had a slightly ominous sound to it (thanks to the play) and was in the middle of the month so not too close to a lot of major holidays, so it seemed perfect.
The problem is that we haven't actually kept it even once since I started this program. That's right, in the 8 months since I planned to show progress on the Ides, my husband and I have not actually shown each other any writing.
The reason? Personal deadlines like this are fake. There is no bite behind their bark. I know there are no consequences for waiting a few days (which then turns into weeks). There is nobody holding me responsible for missing the deadline. I'm used to feeling guilty over not getting something done so this doesn't add enough guilt to make a difference.
During my dissertation, the only reason I finished was that my Chair announced that I was taking too long and set me a series of deadlines. If I missed even one deadline, she said, I would be asked to leave the program. Needless to say, I worked day and night to make each deadline (sometimes barely getting the chapter in to her on time, but never, ever missing the deadline). Those deadlines were serious deadlines and I didn't think about cheating.
I don't have the same pressure on me for any deadline I set myself. My husband would never hold me to a deadline in the same serious way and I know it. The pressure isn't coming from outside and is too easy to push off.
I suspect that this idea of setting personal deadlines only works for a small percentage of the people who have problems with procrastination. For some, it works because they don't have that serious of a problem with procrastination and the little extra personal competition (feeling like you should try to beat a deadline you set) or the discipline necessary to hold to a deadline was already there. Others may have a family member or friend who will hold them to a personal deadline with the same rigidity that my dissertation Chair did with me.
Unless one of these is true, a fake deadline may not work to stop procrastination. I'm still finding the perfect tools to help with my problems. People ar different in the ways they procrastinate, so the tools which are available need to be adapted a bit for the person having the problem. I seem to respond to hard deadlines, clear to do lists, strong motivation (reminding myself why I want to do something), appointments with myself, and timers. Sometimes these things work better than others.
I'm just coming out of one of my procrastination periods where I had a harder time getting things done. Things go in cycles – with my ability to get things done improving and then getting worse again. I'm now in the upswing so it is time to get caught up. Maybe I'll eventually figure out a way to keep me from crashing down into the nonproductive time periods, but I don't think it will have anything to do with the Ides of the month.
There is also lots of advice out there for fixing procrastination. One of the techniques frequently recommended is to set personal deadlines for a project or steps within a project.
I've tried that a number of times. I tried setting deadlines for my dissertation but I was always giving myself excuses. The same thing happened with my novel. I thought I had the perfect solution--to make myself work on my novel more often, I would set a deadline every month where I had to share my progress with my husband, and he'd do the same with his writing project. Since we'd have to be able to show progress every month, I thought this would keep us from slacking off too much on our writing.
I chose the Ides (the 15th of the month, made famous as the Ides of March when Julius Caesar was killed--"Beware the Ides of March!"). It was easy to remember, had a slightly ominous sound to it (thanks to the play) and was in the middle of the month so not too close to a lot of major holidays, so it seemed perfect.
The problem is that we haven't actually kept it even once since I started this program. That's right, in the 8 months since I planned to show progress on the Ides, my husband and I have not actually shown each other any writing.
The reason? Personal deadlines like this are fake. There is no bite behind their bark. I know there are no consequences for waiting a few days (which then turns into weeks). There is nobody holding me responsible for missing the deadline. I'm used to feeling guilty over not getting something done so this doesn't add enough guilt to make a difference.
During my dissertation, the only reason I finished was that my Chair announced that I was taking too long and set me a series of deadlines. If I missed even one deadline, she said, I would be asked to leave the program. Needless to say, I worked day and night to make each deadline (sometimes barely getting the chapter in to her on time, but never, ever missing the deadline). Those deadlines were serious deadlines and I didn't think about cheating.
I don't have the same pressure on me for any deadline I set myself. My husband would never hold me to a deadline in the same serious way and I know it. The pressure isn't coming from outside and is too easy to push off.
I suspect that this idea of setting personal deadlines only works for a small percentage of the people who have problems with procrastination. For some, it works because they don't have that serious of a problem with procrastination and the little extra personal competition (feeling like you should try to beat a deadline you set) or the discipline necessary to hold to a deadline was already there. Others may have a family member or friend who will hold them to a personal deadline with the same rigidity that my dissertation Chair did with me.
Unless one of these is true, a fake deadline may not work to stop procrastination. I'm still finding the perfect tools to help with my problems. People ar different in the ways they procrastinate, so the tools which are available need to be adapted a bit for the person having the problem. I seem to respond to hard deadlines, clear to do lists, strong motivation (reminding myself why I want to do something), appointments with myself, and timers. Sometimes these things work better than others.
I'm just coming out of one of my procrastination periods where I had a harder time getting things done. Things go in cycles – with my ability to get things done improving and then getting worse again. I'm now in the upswing so it is time to get caught up. Maybe I'll eventually figure out a way to keep me from crashing down into the nonproductive time periods, but I don't think it will have anything to do with the Ides of the month.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Accomplishing a Lot – but Never Enough?
Have you ever felt like you got a lot done but still felt like you should have done better because you have so much you still need to do? I've been feeling that way a lot lately. I have been working hard on an event and getting caught up on a number of projects. I've gotten a lot done. Still, I look around at all that still needs to be done and I'm not satisfied.
I'm sure this is a common problem. It seems that many of us find it difficult to be happy with our accomplishments. There is always a way we could have been better, tried harder, done more, or whatever it is that comes to our mind. Sometimes it is true, but even if it is, we often gloss over our accomplishments to focus on what could have been.
This may be the bias our mind has for remembering the negative. There are studies that show that people tend to remember the negative more. If you give someone 5 compliments and one criticism, the criticism is the one that will stick in the mind more. In the same way, bad experiences can linger, overwhelming good ones. I know that one trip I took with my husband is like this. Although I know I had a lot of good times, there were some rough patches (our airline caused a lot of hassle and stress and my husband didn't handle it very well, which stressed me). When looking back though, I mostly remember the overall negative feeling about that vacation, which is a shame because I'd been looking forward to that trip for 10 years.
In the same way, I have been feeling like I'm not getting anything done--while accomplishing lots of stuff. While it is important for people to see that there are still things to be done (and ways to improve), it shouldn't be done at the expense of recognizing the victories as well. We need to be careful that the negative doesn't begin to overshadow our perceptions and make things seem worse than they are.
For that reason, I'm trying to pay attention to all the things I do right this week--the goals I accomplish, the projects I finish, the progress I make. I can acknowledge all the things that still need to be done or the ways I could be better, but I am working on also celebrating all that is right too.
I'm sure this is a common problem. It seems that many of us find it difficult to be happy with our accomplishments. There is always a way we could have been better, tried harder, done more, or whatever it is that comes to our mind. Sometimes it is true, but even if it is, we often gloss over our accomplishments to focus on what could have been.
This may be the bias our mind has for remembering the negative. There are studies that show that people tend to remember the negative more. If you give someone 5 compliments and one criticism, the criticism is the one that will stick in the mind more. In the same way, bad experiences can linger, overwhelming good ones. I know that one trip I took with my husband is like this. Although I know I had a lot of good times, there were some rough patches (our airline caused a lot of hassle and stress and my husband didn't handle it very well, which stressed me). When looking back though, I mostly remember the overall negative feeling about that vacation, which is a shame because I'd been looking forward to that trip for 10 years.
In the same way, I have been feeling like I'm not getting anything done--while accomplishing lots of stuff. While it is important for people to see that there are still things to be done (and ways to improve), it shouldn't be done at the expense of recognizing the victories as well. We need to be careful that the negative doesn't begin to overshadow our perceptions and make things seem worse than they are.
For that reason, I'm trying to pay attention to all the things I do right this week--the goals I accomplish, the projects I finish, the progress I make. I can acknowledge all the things that still need to be done or the ways I could be better, but I am working on also celebrating all that is right too.
Friday, November 5, 2010
The Long Slog: Sticking With It Can Be Hard
I'm on my fifth day of NaNoWriMo and I'm already finding it hard to keep up with my word count. Like many projects, I went into it with enthusiasm and hope, certain this time would be easier. Then reality slips in when my back was turned and I see how much work I will have to put into my project, day in and day out, to succeed. That's when the real work begins.
It can be hard to do a project when things seem overwhelming. Despite being unemployed, I have enough volunteer work commitments that I already write a great deal every day. Then there is my internet addiction. Between the two I spend 16 hours at the computer already. Now add the novel I've been wanting to write for several years but somehow never got very far. NaNoWriMo is supposed to help me stay motivated, and so far I'm not that far off track (mostly because I worked ahead the first two days when I was still in that first flush of excitement).
I just worry that this will become like so much else--one of those things which I leave half finished or delayed because I became overwhelmed. Writing isn't that hard; it's writing every day and sticking to it that is hard.
Like so many projects, just DOING it is half the battle.
Here's what I propose to get past the problem:
1. I will work ahead in my count whenever I get the motivation so that on tough days when I don't get as much writing done, I won't be as far behind and get discouraged.
2. I will write everyday, at least somewhat, no matter what.
3. I will set up reminders to myself.
4. I will read inspirational pieces, but not spend too much time on reading when I should be writing.
5. I will remind myself about my goals and what I will gain from finishing this first draft of my novel.
I hope this will help. When projects pass that first flush of motivation and start showing the difficulty or complexity of the project, it can be hard to stick to it. I just need to remind myself that I am in it for the long haul. After all, this is my life and something I wanted to do. I should stick with it.
It can be hard to do a project when things seem overwhelming. Despite being unemployed, I have enough volunteer work commitments that I already write a great deal every day. Then there is my internet addiction. Between the two I spend 16 hours at the computer already. Now add the novel I've been wanting to write for several years but somehow never got very far. NaNoWriMo is supposed to help me stay motivated, and so far I'm not that far off track (mostly because I worked ahead the first two days when I was still in that first flush of excitement).
I just worry that this will become like so much else--one of those things which I leave half finished or delayed because I became overwhelmed. Writing isn't that hard; it's writing every day and sticking to it that is hard.
Like so many projects, just DOING it is half the battle.
Here's what I propose to get past the problem:
1. I will work ahead in my count whenever I get the motivation so that on tough days when I don't get as much writing done, I won't be as far behind and get discouraged.
2. I will write everyday, at least somewhat, no matter what.
3. I will set up reminders to myself.
4. I will read inspirational pieces, but not spend too much time on reading when I should be writing.
5. I will remind myself about my goals and what I will gain from finishing this first draft of my novel.
I hope this will help. When projects pass that first flush of motivation and start showing the difficulty or complexity of the project, it can be hard to stick to it. I just need to remind myself that I am in it for the long haul. After all, this is my life and something I wanted to do. I should stick with it.
Friday, October 29, 2010
October update: 7 months into my plan
Yesterday was the 7 month anniversary of this blog. Much like last month's report, I'm not very happy with my progress.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Rainy Day Emergencies
In Southern California yesterday, we had a lot of rain (for us, at least). It came down relatively hard for a time and kept up with sprinkling all day.
A couple of things occurred because of this:
1. My back patio roof leaked. I am not surprised by this because it has been doing this for the entire 11 years we have been here but we've not been able to afford to replace the screened-in patio roof. It is getting worse, however. The main problem was I had stored some items out there (temporarily, I thought, but it has been a month at least) and they were getting wet and had to be rescued and taken back into the garage.
2. We canceled a planned trip, partly because it is unpleasant to drive to the L.A. area in the rain.
3. I thought about how we are often unprepared for things like this happening, even though we know it is coming, eventually.
For instance, how many of you have an emergency umbrella and coat in your car? I used to, but it migrated out of the car at some point.
I do have a large emergency kit (with food, water, first aid, etc.) in the car because my husband made us two (one for each car--in those large buckets with lids that cat litter used to be in, making it less likely to be interesting to thieves who just think we are hauling cat litter around with us). I also have several cloth shopping bags (grocery style plus ones for normal stores).
It is not like we don't know it is going to rain. We do. I knew that the patio was a poor choice for long-term storage but I set those things out there because I told myself that it was just for a few days and it doesn't rain here that often.
In the same way, we often don't prepare for emergencies because they don't seem that urgent (until they are upon us).
I spent some of my rainy day yesterday thinking about how to better prepare myself for the unexpected (rain, earthquake, or whatever). I recommend that others do the same. We just never know when the rain will come in our lives (literally as well as figuratively) and it is better to be prepared.
A couple of things occurred because of this:
1. My back patio roof leaked. I am not surprised by this because it has been doing this for the entire 11 years we have been here but we've not been able to afford to replace the screened-in patio roof. It is getting worse, however. The main problem was I had stored some items out there (temporarily, I thought, but it has been a month at least) and they were getting wet and had to be rescued and taken back into the garage.
2. We canceled a planned trip, partly because it is unpleasant to drive to the L.A. area in the rain.
3. I thought about how we are often unprepared for things like this happening, even though we know it is coming, eventually.
For instance, how many of you have an emergency umbrella and coat in your car? I used to, but it migrated out of the car at some point.
I do have a large emergency kit (with food, water, first aid, etc.) in the car because my husband made us two (one for each car--in those large buckets with lids that cat litter used to be in, making it less likely to be interesting to thieves who just think we are hauling cat litter around with us). I also have several cloth shopping bags (grocery style plus ones for normal stores).
It is not like we don't know it is going to rain. We do. I knew that the patio was a poor choice for long-term storage but I set those things out there because I told myself that it was just for a few days and it doesn't rain here that often.
In the same way, we often don't prepare for emergencies because they don't seem that urgent (until they are upon us).
I spent some of my rainy day yesterday thinking about how to better prepare myself for the unexpected (rain, earthquake, or whatever). I recommend that others do the same. We just never know when the rain will come in our lives (literally as well as figuratively) and it is better to be prepared.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Procrastination, Self-Direction, and Identity
Yesterday I read an interesting article about procrastination which argues that we can learn a lot about people and identity by studying procrastination.
It was well written and researched, but, more importantly to me, it also struck home with me. This is probably because procrastination is the one thing which has probably caused the most problems in my life.
Procrastination may be a "basic human impulse" but it is also a terrible strain on our lives. As the article puts it, "The essence of procrastination lies in not doing what you think you should be doing, a mental contortion that surely accounts for the great psychic toll the habit takes on people."
It is true that I often procrastinate, even knowing that it won't make me happy, either in the future or even while I am doing it. I may be relaxing and enjoying that new book I wanted to read (rather than the work I need to be doing) but I won't enjoy the book as much than if I had done the work and then read the book guilt-free.
Strangely, I did disagree with two points made in the article (both on page 2). In one, the author points to a study that he says explains why in our Netflix queue we have a lot of great classics but in the short-term we are watching light comedies. He says it is because of “hyperbolic discounting," where the person's short-term considerations overwhelm their long-term goals (the light, fluffy movie presumably fulfilling the short-term goal of entertainment over the long-term goal of thinking it would be good to see the critically acclaimed but more difficult drama). I think this Netflix study, however, is tainted by the fact that people want to impress the questioner. People will tend to overreport their desire to watch "good" films (those they believe will impress others) in order to excuse their poor taste in watching the lower brow film now. This has little to do with time management and more to do with the desire to show off.
The second point which did not resonate as much with me was that procrastination was caused by “the planning fallacy.” This is where people underestimate how long a project will take so they think they have time to waste before starting. In fact, it is usually the opposite problem for me. I will be faced with a task (not terribly hard) but I will think it will take a long time and put it off ("I don't have time to deal with that now...."). I may keep delaying this important but dreaded task for quite awhile until I absolutely have to get started. Then I'll be surprised that the whole thing took less than a half hour. I could have done it when I first knew the task was on my plate and saved myself a great deal of stress and avoidance. I seldom believe things will take less time than they will (except perhaps on really big projects, like my novel, where I keep telling myself that I will be done in no time--but then I never get started and the next thing I know it is two years later and I am no further along).
Both of these reasons for procrastination end up being less compelling and persuasive than the other reasons shown (indeed, even to the author who believes that the planning fallacy relies too much on ignorance and not as much on "complex mixture of weakness, ambition, and inner conflict" which are better explanations for the problem).
Here is where the article really hit home for me:
I have dreams of heroic success many times, but am well known to lack confidence in myself. I fear failure greatly and know that sometimes (with my dissertation, especially) I used procrastination as an excuse--"It was okay, but would have been better written if I had more time." I also love planning, something that has become increasingly clear to me as I write this blog. I will plan my attack on my problems but sometimes, like the past few weeks, I'll be all talk and no action. The planning alone seems to give me enough mental relief to allow me to put off the actual work I planned.
The article goes on to discuss a few solutions/ways of viewing the problem:
Divided self: if you see yourself as not a unified person but with an interior like a republic where each side of you fights for different goals, you can label one part of you the procrastinator (who wants immediate pleasure) who is debating with the part of you who wants the larger goal. Then you simply allow a negotiation to take place where both feel they win (usually by convincing the procrastinating part of you that you will enjoy the fun part more if you do the larger goal first). This sounds good, but I haven't had much luck with the idea.
Extended will: This refers to tools which force you to do things: like setting deadlines or having a program which cuts off your internet access to allow you to focus. Deadlines were the only thing that made me finally finish my dissertation, but I've learned that unless they are truly hard deadlines with real consequences, they don't help me. I tried setting deadlines with my husband but since I know there are no real consequences if I go to him and say that I don't have a chapter ready to show him, I never have a chapter ready by my deadline.
Reframing: This is something which has helped some and I want to do more. From GTD, we learn that many times we put off projects just because they seem big or vague (because we don't know what to do next). David Allen urges us to break the project down to smaller steps and concentrate on the Next Step instead of the larger picture. In the same way, narrowing our choices can sometimes make it easier to decide.
The article points out, interestingly, that all of these are a "voluntary abnegation of freedom" and I suppose that is true. Then again, much of our lives are giving up of freedom. We go to work or do things for others, giving up our freedom to do something else or do as we want all day, in order to get something (paycheck, gratitude from others, fame, etc.-- whatever it is we want). Freedom is only truly freedom when sandwiched between times when we are less free. None of us are truly free all of the time--there are always commitments to others or tasks we need to do but may not enjoy. The question is whether we can learn to give up our freedom effectively so we can do those tasks with less hassle and leave us more guilt-free time to do more enjoyable tasks and relaxation.
Can we learn to stop procrastinating as much and free our lives from its great burden? I certainly hope so. In many ways, this question defines my project for the year.
It was well written and researched, but, more importantly to me, it also struck home with me. This is probably because procrastination is the one thing which has probably caused the most problems in my life.
Procrastination may be a "basic human impulse" but it is also a terrible strain on our lives. As the article puts it, "The essence of procrastination lies in not doing what you think you should be doing, a mental contortion that surely accounts for the great psychic toll the habit takes on people."
It is true that I often procrastinate, even knowing that it won't make me happy, either in the future or even while I am doing it. I may be relaxing and enjoying that new book I wanted to read (rather than the work I need to be doing) but I won't enjoy the book as much than if I had done the work and then read the book guilt-free.
Strangely, I did disagree with two points made in the article (both on page 2). In one, the author points to a study that he says explains why in our Netflix queue we have a lot of great classics but in the short-term we are watching light comedies. He says it is because of “hyperbolic discounting," where the person's short-term considerations overwhelm their long-term goals (the light, fluffy movie presumably fulfilling the short-term goal of entertainment over the long-term goal of thinking it would be good to see the critically acclaimed but more difficult drama). I think this Netflix study, however, is tainted by the fact that people want to impress the questioner. People will tend to overreport their desire to watch "good" films (those they believe will impress others) in order to excuse their poor taste in watching the lower brow film now. This has little to do with time management and more to do with the desire to show off.
The second point which did not resonate as much with me was that procrastination was caused by “the planning fallacy.” This is where people underestimate how long a project will take so they think they have time to waste before starting. In fact, it is usually the opposite problem for me. I will be faced with a task (not terribly hard) but I will think it will take a long time and put it off ("I don't have time to deal with that now...."). I may keep delaying this important but dreaded task for quite awhile until I absolutely have to get started. Then I'll be surprised that the whole thing took less than a half hour. I could have done it when I first knew the task was on my plate and saved myself a great deal of stress and avoidance. I seldom believe things will take less time than they will (except perhaps on really big projects, like my novel, where I keep telling myself that I will be done in no time--but then I never get started and the next thing I know it is two years later and I am no further along).
Both of these reasons for procrastination end up being less compelling and persuasive than the other reasons shown (indeed, even to the author who believes that the planning fallacy relies too much on ignorance and not as much on "complex mixture of weakness, ambition, and inner conflict" which are better explanations for the problem).
Here is where the article really hit home for me:
Lack of confidence, sometimes alternating with unrealistic dreams of heroic success, often leads to procrastination, and many studies suggest that procrastinators are self-handicappers: rather than risk failure, they prefer to create conditions that make success impossible, a reflex that of course creates a vicious cycle. McClellan was also given to excessive planning, as if only the ideal battle plan were worth acting on. Procrastinators often succumb to this sort of perfectionism.
I have dreams of heroic success many times, but am well known to lack confidence in myself. I fear failure greatly and know that sometimes (with my dissertation, especially) I used procrastination as an excuse--"It was okay, but would have been better written if I had more time." I also love planning, something that has become increasingly clear to me as I write this blog. I will plan my attack on my problems but sometimes, like the past few weeks, I'll be all talk and no action. The planning alone seems to give me enough mental relief to allow me to put off the actual work I planned.
The article goes on to discuss a few solutions/ways of viewing the problem:
Divided self: if you see yourself as not a unified person but with an interior like a republic where each side of you fights for different goals, you can label one part of you the procrastinator (who wants immediate pleasure) who is debating with the part of you who wants the larger goal. Then you simply allow a negotiation to take place where both feel they win (usually by convincing the procrastinating part of you that you will enjoy the fun part more if you do the larger goal first). This sounds good, but I haven't had much luck with the idea.
Extended will: This refers to tools which force you to do things: like setting deadlines or having a program which cuts off your internet access to allow you to focus. Deadlines were the only thing that made me finally finish my dissertation, but I've learned that unless they are truly hard deadlines with real consequences, they don't help me. I tried setting deadlines with my husband but since I know there are no real consequences if I go to him and say that I don't have a chapter ready to show him, I never have a chapter ready by my deadline.
Reframing: This is something which has helped some and I want to do more. From GTD, we learn that many times we put off projects just because they seem big or vague (because we don't know what to do next). David Allen urges us to break the project down to smaller steps and concentrate on the Next Step instead of the larger picture. In the same way, narrowing our choices can sometimes make it easier to decide.
The article points out, interestingly, that all of these are a "voluntary abnegation of freedom" and I suppose that is true. Then again, much of our lives are giving up of freedom. We go to work or do things for others, giving up our freedom to do something else or do as we want all day, in order to get something (paycheck, gratitude from others, fame, etc.-- whatever it is we want). Freedom is only truly freedom when sandwiched between times when we are less free. None of us are truly free all of the time--there are always commitments to others or tasks we need to do but may not enjoy. The question is whether we can learn to give up our freedom effectively so we can do those tasks with less hassle and leave us more guilt-free time to do more enjoyable tasks and relaxation.
Can we learn to stop procrastinating as much and free our lives from its great burden? I certainly hope so. In many ways, this question defines my project for the year.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Avoidance: Another Sign That You Need Organization
I can always tell when I am in trouble. My email inbox is full. My computer desktop is filled with files. My laundry is stacked up. This will mean that I am also behind on many tasks, not organizing my bills, and avoiding work tasks. I am probably spending too much time reading things on the computer or gone on a fiction reading binge.
I've done it many times before. These are all symptoms of a larger problem--but they also are part of a vicious cycle that makes me feel even worse.
Today I've got to face it. I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed again.
The worse sign for me is avoidance. I used to do this all the time during my dissertation writing time. I know I have work to do and will even make a to do list, but then sit there doing "one more thing" for the rest of the day. This can go on for days, if I let myself, with each day the guilt piling on even higher, which, of course, makes me want to avoid the task even more.
The most frustrating thing is that sometimes the task I am avoiding ends up only taking 10 minutes. It doesn't have to be a hard task or a long one for it to build up like this. It just has to be something I am dreading--for one reason or another.
Sometimes I dread things because I really don't have a clear sense of the steps to take. Sometimes it is a task I simply do not like to do. Other times it is just something that seems large or difficult or which I worry about failing in some way.
Whatever causes the hesitation, I struggle with getting started and then with following through.
This is exactly the problem I dislike in myself the most and which I set out to find a way to fix (as much as possible) for this self-improvement project.
While I've become better at being self aware and knowing I have a problem, I have not yet truly solved it.
In other words, I've gotten better at reporting the problem exists but not in moving forward and actually doing the things I want without delay. Annoying, but true.
I've done it many times before. These are all symptoms of a larger problem--but they also are part of a vicious cycle that makes me feel even worse.
Today I've got to face it. I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed again.
The worse sign for me is avoidance. I used to do this all the time during my dissertation writing time. I know I have work to do and will even make a to do list, but then sit there doing "one more thing" for the rest of the day. This can go on for days, if I let myself, with each day the guilt piling on even higher, which, of course, makes me want to avoid the task even more.
The most frustrating thing is that sometimes the task I am avoiding ends up only taking 10 minutes. It doesn't have to be a hard task or a long one for it to build up like this. It just has to be something I am dreading--for one reason or another.
Sometimes I dread things because I really don't have a clear sense of the steps to take. Sometimes it is a task I simply do not like to do. Other times it is just something that seems large or difficult or which I worry about failing in some way.
Whatever causes the hesitation, I struggle with getting started and then with following through.
This is exactly the problem I dislike in myself the most and which I set out to find a way to fix (as much as possible) for this self-improvement project.
While I've become better at being self aware and knowing I have a problem, I have not yet truly solved it.
In other words, I've gotten better at reporting the problem exists but not in moving forward and actually doing the things I want without delay. Annoying, but true.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Productivity and "Self-Help": Admiral Ackbar and Merlin Mann say it's a trap
If you have been reading productivity, personal finance, and self-help blogs for long enough, you know there used to be a very active and cool site called 43folders, where people like myself used to go for tips on GTD (Getting Things Done) and Productivity Pron (cool aps, neat tips, etc.). It was/is run by a guy called Merlin Mann who awhile back changed everything about that blog. Instead of frequent updates it meant to occasional rants; these rants became increasingly about giving up exactly what the blog used to be all about--reading about productivity.
The latest rant is a bit hard to follow at times (and has language which may offend some readers) but it ends with an intriguing image of a recent tweet Merlin wrote: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."
This (and some of the other bits of the rant) struck home to me. You'll know from reading my blog that I have questioned the wisdom of getting too caught up in changing my system and making to do lists, charting my progress, etc. I've been guilty of letting the self-help get in the way of the very work I'm supposed to be doing. I've also been guilty of enjoying my RSS feed too much, even to the detriment of the novel I am supposed to be writing.
I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. I also know that the simple "just do it" statements of people like Mann don't actually motivate very well. Sure, I find myself nodding and feeling like "yes, I should turn myself around" but really I feel this way after many a "self-help" article about productivity and motivation.
There is no easy answer for this trap. Each person will find her way out of it (or not) based on the goals that drive her. I know that my journey for this year has been all about me seeking my path to being able to get work done consistently and to find work which makes me want to keep doing it.
I don't have the answers, and neither does Mann (for me at least), but we both know that reading more self-help blogs doesn't get me there. As Admiral Ackbar (and Mann) would say "It's a trap!"
The latest rant is a bit hard to follow at times (and has language which may offend some readers) but it ends with an intriguing image of a recent tweet Merlin wrote: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."
This (and some of the other bits of the rant) struck home to me. You'll know from reading my blog that I have questioned the wisdom of getting too caught up in changing my system and making to do lists, charting my progress, etc. I've been guilty of letting the self-help get in the way of the very work I'm supposed to be doing. I've also been guilty of enjoying my RSS feed too much, even to the detriment of the novel I am supposed to be writing.
I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. I also know that the simple "just do it" statements of people like Mann don't actually motivate very well. Sure, I find myself nodding and feeling like "yes, I should turn myself around" but really I feel this way after many a "self-help" article about productivity and motivation.
There is no easy answer for this trap. Each person will find her way out of it (or not) based on the goals that drive her. I know that my journey for this year has been all about me seeking my path to being able to get work done consistently and to find work which makes me want to keep doing it.
I don't have the answers, and neither does Mann (for me at least), but we both know that reading more self-help blogs doesn't get me there. As Admiral Ackbar (and Mann) would say "It's a trap!"
Monday, September 20, 2010
State of Mind=State of House, Inbox, and Desktop
I've noticed something about myself. It might be true that correlation does not equal causation but it is an interesting correlation.
Whenever I am feeling particularly bad about myself (stressed, overwhelmed, behind in my work), I also have a messy house, messy email inbox, and messy computer desktop. If I can take care of these three things, life seems to be more under control.
I don't know that the messiness of these three items are causing my feelings or are a symptom. I do know that if I am feeling overwhelmed on a project, I'll leave items saved on my computer desktop instead of filing them away (because "I'm in a middle of a project and it will quicker this way"). I will also be getting a lot of emails and won't be sorting them or deleting them. I will also not have enough time to do house cleaning. So my feelings may cause the messiness but the messiness also adds to the feelings. I can't find things I need in my email box. I find my computer files to be unorganized. I can't find the paperwork I need for a project or forget to do something because I lost a note.
Either way, I think there are a few solutions:
1. I need to recognize the symptoms right away and take steps to remedy it. If my email or desktop is getting cluttered, I need to spend a little time straightening it out instead of goofing off on the internet. Same with house cleaning.
2. When I feel too rushed for time to do simple tasks, I need to recognize that I am only making things worse for myself. Often I do have the time, but I'm making excuses for myself (and being a bit lazy).
3. I have plans to fix things when I wake up each morning but then I get caught up in various projects and don't get to it (all of last week was like this) so I need to do more and think about it less. Instead of planning to straighten up, I should just designate an hour each morning and do it.
My state of mind is cluttered right now, I'd say. Certainly my house, inbox, and desktop are cluttered. The only way one is going to be free is if the others are.
Whenever I am feeling particularly bad about myself (stressed, overwhelmed, behind in my work), I also have a messy house, messy email inbox, and messy computer desktop. If I can take care of these three things, life seems to be more under control.
I don't know that the messiness of these three items are causing my feelings or are a symptom. I do know that if I am feeling overwhelmed on a project, I'll leave items saved on my computer desktop instead of filing them away (because "I'm in a middle of a project and it will quicker this way"). I will also be getting a lot of emails and won't be sorting them or deleting them. I will also not have enough time to do house cleaning. So my feelings may cause the messiness but the messiness also adds to the feelings. I can't find things I need in my email box. I find my computer files to be unorganized. I can't find the paperwork I need for a project or forget to do something because I lost a note.
Either way, I think there are a few solutions:
1. I need to recognize the symptoms right away and take steps to remedy it. If my email or desktop is getting cluttered, I need to spend a little time straightening it out instead of goofing off on the internet. Same with house cleaning.
2. When I feel too rushed for time to do simple tasks, I need to recognize that I am only making things worse for myself. Often I do have the time, but I'm making excuses for myself (and being a bit lazy).
3. I have plans to fix things when I wake up each morning but then I get caught up in various projects and don't get to it (all of last week was like this) so I need to do more and think about it less. Instead of planning to straighten up, I should just designate an hour each morning and do it.
My state of mind is cluttered right now, I'd say. Certainly my house, inbox, and desktop are cluttered. The only way one is going to be free is if the others are.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Falling Behind: The Cycle Begins Again
I'm falling behind in my work. That's right, my system is breaking down yet again. My house is messy, my inbox full, my to do list overflowing, and my stress level is high.
How did I get that way? I'm not really sure. This seems to happen in a cycle pretty often.
Here are some factors which tend to lead me back:
1. Something unexpected happens: This time it was our main computer. It died. The worst part of this is we didn't have our data properly backed up. I don't know how much we lost but it worries me. The hard drive has been replaced and we have the computer back but the data may be lost forever. (Everyone, back up your data now! You'll only regret data which isn't backed up!)
2. I get busy: I have spent the past few days working for one of my volunteer groups. I have taken on too much for them, I think, and it has become difficult to keep up.
3. I took a break: Because we had a very busy weekend volunteering, I took a break on Monday. This left me with too much to do on Tues and Wed and a messy house from the stuff we had out over the weekend which has not been put back. I tell myself that I deserve a break (like on Monday) but do I deserve the guilt I feel when I look around at this mess?
I think the reason why I keep coming back to this state of disorganization and stress is because I don't really have a clear system in place yet. I have been trying to establish a routine and some organization but it isn't there yet. I have been cleaning and organizing in order to establish the system but because there is no system, I have trouble finishing the organizing before things get out of control again.
I know that under this current layer of stuff, I have the beginnings of a more organized life but I don't want it to be under layers of stuff! I need to be able to maintain a more clutter-free existence. I also need to be able to handle the volunteering I have and still have time for job applications, novel writing, etc. Right now I don't feel like I have time for these things and that is not the way this is supposed to work.
I'm going to spend today trying to get caught up again and then Friday I'm going to work on my system. If I could get a good system of planning and organizing down and stick with it, maybe I could have better control over my life. That's what I've been working towards for all of these months. I hope that I am closer to it today.
How did I get that way? I'm not really sure. This seems to happen in a cycle pretty often.
Here are some factors which tend to lead me back:
1. Something unexpected happens: This time it was our main computer. It died. The worst part of this is we didn't have our data properly backed up. I don't know how much we lost but it worries me. The hard drive has been replaced and we have the computer back but the data may be lost forever. (Everyone, back up your data now! You'll only regret data which isn't backed up!)
2. I get busy: I have spent the past few days working for one of my volunteer groups. I have taken on too much for them, I think, and it has become difficult to keep up.
3. I took a break: Because we had a very busy weekend volunteering, I took a break on Monday. This left me with too much to do on Tues and Wed and a messy house from the stuff we had out over the weekend which has not been put back. I tell myself that I deserve a break (like on Monday) but do I deserve the guilt I feel when I look around at this mess?
I think the reason why I keep coming back to this state of disorganization and stress is because I don't really have a clear system in place yet. I have been trying to establish a routine and some organization but it isn't there yet. I have been cleaning and organizing in order to establish the system but because there is no system, I have trouble finishing the organizing before things get out of control again.
I know that under this current layer of stuff, I have the beginnings of a more organized life but I don't want it to be under layers of stuff! I need to be able to maintain a more clutter-free existence. I also need to be able to handle the volunteering I have and still have time for job applications, novel writing, etc. Right now I don't feel like I have time for these things and that is not the way this is supposed to work.
I'm going to spend today trying to get caught up again and then Friday I'm going to work on my system. If I could get a good system of planning and organizing down and stick with it, maybe I could have better control over my life. That's what I've been working towards for all of these months. I hope that I am closer to it today.
Monday, September 13, 2010
A Lazy Day: Necessity or a Cop Out?
I'm taking a lazy day today. We just had a very long weekend of volunteering and I'm tired and my feet hurt.
I have tons of things I need to do. The laundry should be started. There are things to be picked up and put away. Another volunteer group meets tomorrow night and I have 4 or 5 tasks I should finish before the meeting.
Instead of doing any of them, I've been reading, looking at forums and blogs on the internet, and eating chocolate cookies. I had a late shower this morning after waking up without an alarm clock, so I even started my morning in a lazy manner.
It's actually been fairly pleasant, although I may pay for it later when I have too much to do and only one day to do it in.
Sometimes we really need this time to decompress and relax after a lot of work.
On the other hand, sometimes this becomes an excuse to procrastinate again.
I'm telling myself that I'm decompressing and trying to enjoy it.
It will be procrastinating if I don't get the stuff done by tomorrow late morning.
I've decided that is how you tell the difference--whether the truly important and more time critical stuff does eventually get done. If so, you were just putting it off temporarily because of the need for a little relaxing.
If that relaxing keeps going and the work isn't done in time, it was just procrastinating with an excuse.
I have tons of things I need to do. The laundry should be started. There are things to be picked up and put away. Another volunteer group meets tomorrow night and I have 4 or 5 tasks I should finish before the meeting.
Instead of doing any of them, I've been reading, looking at forums and blogs on the internet, and eating chocolate cookies. I had a late shower this morning after waking up without an alarm clock, so I even started my morning in a lazy manner.
It's actually been fairly pleasant, although I may pay for it later when I have too much to do and only one day to do it in.
Sometimes we really need this time to decompress and relax after a lot of work.
On the other hand, sometimes this becomes an excuse to procrastinate again.
I'm telling myself that I'm decompressing and trying to enjoy it.
It will be procrastinating if I don't get the stuff done by tomorrow late morning.
I've decided that is how you tell the difference--whether the truly important and more time critical stuff does eventually get done. If so, you were just putting it off temporarily because of the need for a little relaxing.
If that relaxing keeps going and the work isn't done in time, it was just procrastinating with an excuse.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Deeds, not Words: Difficult but Important
Over at Get Rich Slowly, there is a great post about the difference between a Doer and a Talker.
This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the TV show The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. Young Indy has met a suffragette he is crazy about and her motto is "Deeds, not Words!" She constantly confronts him to do what he says, not just talk to her. For instance, saying that he loves her isn't enough if his deeds don't show it.
This gets at the heart of what is my greatest challenge--to move beyond simply saying I am going to do something and actually DOING it. I'm a great planner. I have all sorts of goals and ideas. I have a list that is a page long of stuff I'm supposedly doing, but most of them have had little to no progress.
Instead, I always have some excuse. I got busy on another project. I need to finish organizing this closet. I have to work on this. I'm too tired right now. It can wait till later. I'll just check my email first (and then maybe my RSS feed.....).
Even this blog is just all words. If I don't actually DO the stuff I talk about, my life won't get any better.
It's often hard. It's also very worthwhile.
My goal is to get better at being a "Doer" and not just a "Talker." I'll be working at that today. How about you? Just do what I'm going to do. Stop reading about doing things, and go do one thing that you've been meaning to do. Make progress on some important goal.
Be a doer. We can do it!
This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the TV show The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. Young Indy has met a suffragette he is crazy about and her motto is "Deeds, not Words!" She constantly confronts him to do what he says, not just talk to her. For instance, saying that he loves her isn't enough if his deeds don't show it.
This gets at the heart of what is my greatest challenge--to move beyond simply saying I am going to do something and actually DOING it. I'm a great planner. I have all sorts of goals and ideas. I have a list that is a page long of stuff I'm supposedly doing, but most of them have had little to no progress.
Instead, I always have some excuse. I got busy on another project. I need to finish organizing this closet. I have to work on this. I'm too tired right now. It can wait till later. I'll just check my email first (and then maybe my RSS feed.....).
Even this blog is just all words. If I don't actually DO the stuff I talk about, my life won't get any better.
It's often hard. It's also very worthwhile.
My goal is to get better at being a "Doer" and not just a "Talker." I'll be working at that today. How about you? Just do what I'm going to do. Stop reading about doing things, and go do one thing that you've been meaning to do. Make progress on some important goal.
Be a doer. We can do it!
Friday, August 27, 2010
5 Month Update: Ups and Downs of a Rollercoaster Life
My life has been a series of contradictions since I started this blog on my 41st birthday.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Progress Made: Sticking To It Till the End
I'm 90% through my sorting papers project which started about three weeks ago. The first week involved pulling out everything in the office, kitchen, dining room, and living room which didn't have a proper home or was otherwise disordered. Then I stacked everything by category. I've been sorting through categories, recycling a lot of paper and then finding homes for those papers I still need.
I'm down to just a few small sections now and am almost done. My house looks basically back to normal.
It would be easy to call it quits right now and call it a job well done, but I'm not going to do it. The whole point of this procedure was to improve things, not to bring them back to a status quo.
I think this is a temptation in many projects--to end when things are "good enough." We aim for higher but when the real work begins it can seem like finishing at 90% is a good deal. The pain that the last little bit of work brings often doesn't seem worth the effort. That's a huge mistake.
It is the last bit of effort which takes a project over the top--and pushes it into the really useful and extraordinary. I think we get too used to accepting the Pareto Principle and saying that 80% of the success comes from 20% of the effort and using this as an excuse to say that we don't need to put in the last bit of effort because we'll get diminishing returns.
That last 20% of effort is really where most of the success comes from. The Pareto principle is about making ourselves more efficient but it should not be an excuse, as it too often seems to be, to give up when 80% done. "Good enough" is not great.
I have too many unfinished/incomplete projects around my house to believe that 80% done will be satisfactory. That's why I will push to figure out that last bit of my current project. If I am right, it will make a big difference in how I see my home and how I use my papers.
Sticking to a project right through the end, now matter the time or difficulty, is the true sign of a person who will succeed.
I'm down to just a few small sections now and am almost done. My house looks basically back to normal.
It would be easy to call it quits right now and call it a job well done, but I'm not going to do it. The whole point of this procedure was to improve things, not to bring them back to a status quo.
I think this is a temptation in many projects--to end when things are "good enough." We aim for higher but when the real work begins it can seem like finishing at 90% is a good deal. The pain that the last little bit of work brings often doesn't seem worth the effort. That's a huge mistake.
It is the last bit of effort which takes a project over the top--and pushes it into the really useful and extraordinary. I think we get too used to accepting the Pareto Principle and saying that 80% of the success comes from 20% of the effort and using this as an excuse to say that we don't need to put in the last bit of effort because we'll get diminishing returns.
That last 20% of effort is really where most of the success comes from. The Pareto principle is about making ourselves more efficient but it should not be an excuse, as it too often seems to be, to give up when 80% done. "Good enough" is not great.
I have too many unfinished/incomplete projects around my house to believe that 80% done will be satisfactory. That's why I will push to figure out that last bit of my current project. If I am right, it will make a big difference in how I see my home and how I use my papers.
Sticking to a project right through the end, now matter the time or difficulty, is the true sign of a person who will succeed.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Always Behind? What to do when your To Do list is never completed.
Do you have trouble completing all of your tasks? Do you make long lists of activities which must be done right away and then find yourself perpetually behind on your tasks? Are you putting off important but non-urgent tasks because you have other less important but more urgent tasks constantly on your list?
I know that all of that describes my life lately. I have a number of organizing tasks I have begun (and a longer list of things waiting) and I find myself disappointed at how slow I have been to get these out of my way so I can begin working on my novel.
After my big event, I needed to get my house reorganized (the event burdened us with a bunch of boxes to store and finding room in our house can be difficult--meaning a number of rooms need to be reorganized and sorted so the new stuff can be put away for storage). I also pulled out stuff from my office (so I could begin cleaning it) which left a bunch of unsorted papers in the dining room. I also am behind on laundry, have a large stack of clothes needing sewing (buttons and other small issues), and a garage which needs a major overhaul as we can hardly walk into it anymore thanks to new boxes. In the meantime, we've had some sort of small moth infestation get into our kitchen by unknown means so I'm disgusted by this and need to clean the place out (and possibly bug bomb the house).
After just over two weeks, my list is just getting longer and the house more messy (I look around the living room and a house that was quite clean 4 weeks ago now has every surface covered with crap).
It is time to figure out what to do when my to do list gets out of control.
1. Sometimes this happens because I overestimated how much I could get done in a short amount of time. I made too long of a list and then expected to get it all done. Dialing back my expectations can be useful here.
2. Keep on track. Part of my problem is that I started projects while still working on others. When I knew I had a problem with the new boxes, I shouldn't have added to the mess by digging out the paperwork from the office. The office had waited this long, it could have waited until I had a better handle on other tasks.
3. Prioritize. I need to figure out the most important tasks to get me back on track and stick to these. I should not allow myself to feel guilty for delaying less important tasks until later.
4. Don't over commit. My list was simply too long for the amount of time I gave myself. And I had promised myself I would be through with it so that I could start my novel. I took on too much. This is the other side of the 1st point. I had too long a list for too short of a time.
5. Give yourself some wiggle room. As you do a project, you may find other issues. I didn't expect the moths in the kitchen. I had no idea that they would suddenly appear two nights ago. I just know that every evening I go into the kitchen and there are a bunch of small moths. It means I need to do a lot of organizing and cleaning and maybe go to the trouble of bug bombing the house to get rid of them. My list was too crowded to give me room to add this unexpected extra.
Basically, it boils down to don't try to do too much in too little of a time. Choose your battles wisely, give yourself time, and then add new tasks later.
My list tip I am considering: do the important but not urgent task of writing the novel NOW and not wait until I'm finished with these tasks. My problem before was that the novel was always "next." As in, I'll do that next, after I finish this organizing project. The problem is that there always seems to be another project to push it off. I need to find at least small amounts of time to do my writing, in between these much needed organizational projects.
Otherwise, my to do list will be an never ending source of procrastination on the one item that I say is most important to me. That doesn't make any sense at all, when you think about it.
I know that all of that describes my life lately. I have a number of organizing tasks I have begun (and a longer list of things waiting) and I find myself disappointed at how slow I have been to get these out of my way so I can begin working on my novel.
After my big event, I needed to get my house reorganized (the event burdened us with a bunch of boxes to store and finding room in our house can be difficult--meaning a number of rooms need to be reorganized and sorted so the new stuff can be put away for storage). I also pulled out stuff from my office (so I could begin cleaning it) which left a bunch of unsorted papers in the dining room. I also am behind on laundry, have a large stack of clothes needing sewing (buttons and other small issues), and a garage which needs a major overhaul as we can hardly walk into it anymore thanks to new boxes. In the meantime, we've had some sort of small moth infestation get into our kitchen by unknown means so I'm disgusted by this and need to clean the place out (and possibly bug bomb the house).
After just over two weeks, my list is just getting longer and the house more messy (I look around the living room and a house that was quite clean 4 weeks ago now has every surface covered with crap).
It is time to figure out what to do when my to do list gets out of control.
1. Sometimes this happens because I overestimated how much I could get done in a short amount of time. I made too long of a list and then expected to get it all done. Dialing back my expectations can be useful here.
2. Keep on track. Part of my problem is that I started projects while still working on others. When I knew I had a problem with the new boxes, I shouldn't have added to the mess by digging out the paperwork from the office. The office had waited this long, it could have waited until I had a better handle on other tasks.
3. Prioritize. I need to figure out the most important tasks to get me back on track and stick to these. I should not allow myself to feel guilty for delaying less important tasks until later.
4. Don't over commit. My list was simply too long for the amount of time I gave myself. And I had promised myself I would be through with it so that I could start my novel. I took on too much. This is the other side of the 1st point. I had too long a list for too short of a time.
5. Give yourself some wiggle room. As you do a project, you may find other issues. I didn't expect the moths in the kitchen. I had no idea that they would suddenly appear two nights ago. I just know that every evening I go into the kitchen and there are a bunch of small moths. It means I need to do a lot of organizing and cleaning and maybe go to the trouble of bug bombing the house to get rid of them. My list was too crowded to give me room to add this unexpected extra.
Basically, it boils down to don't try to do too much in too little of a time. Choose your battles wisely, give yourself time, and then add new tasks later.
My list tip I am considering: do the important but not urgent task of writing the novel NOW and not wait until I'm finished with these tasks. My problem before was that the novel was always "next." As in, I'll do that next, after I finish this organizing project. The problem is that there always seems to be another project to push it off. I need to find at least small amounts of time to do my writing, in between these much needed organizational projects.
Otherwise, my to do list will be an never ending source of procrastination on the one item that I say is most important to me. That doesn't make any sense at all, when you think about it.
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