Monday, January 3, 2011

Anniversaries: of years and marriage

We've just reached a new year and many people take this arbitrary moment in time to start fresh and new--to look forward and backward and make promises to themselves.

Many years back in our history, someone decided on a calendar system which was adopted in Western Civilization, and now on this anniversary of the start of the year, we act like we've reached a special date--one that requires self-improvement, fasts, and organizing.

In the same way, we often treat real anniversaries as a special marker to act differently. I'm approaching the 15th anniversary of marrying my best friend. Much like with the new year, I find myself thinking about our life and our future, as well as looking back at the past.

Like a new year's day, this marker, although in some ways almost as arbitrary (after all, we'd been together for longer, including 2.5 years of living together while engaged), still seems significant enough to warrant resolutions.

We're going to celebrate with a quick trip up the coast by train to a restaurant. It will be pleasant and not too expensive and gives us a feeling of taking a trip without the cost or the multi-day excursion.

I'm also finding myself sentimentally thinking of the past and wondering what life will be in the future. I know that there are some things I'd like to change about myself, including in our relationship--doesn't everyone have some problems?--but generally we are pretty happy. I do feel sad about our childless status, but frankly there are signs that this may not be physically possible for me anymore so unless we adopt (unlikely what with cost, age, etc.) I think this will not be in our future. I'm adjusting to that. I always put it off, figuring it would be in my future. Now that it isn't, things look different--generally good, but different.

We never know where we are going in life. We can plan and resolve and think, but life is what happens while we are doing those things. We can only try to be our best and see if we can make it to the next anniversary.

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