Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Fight or Embrace the Tide

"Vir, do you believe in fate?"
"Well, actually, I believe there are currents in the Universe. Eddies and tides that pull us one way or the other. Some we have to fight, some we have to embrace. Unfortunately, the currents that we have to fight look exactly like the currents we have to embrace. The currents that we think are the one that's gonna make us stronger, they are the ones that are going to destroy us. And the ones that we think are going to destroy us, they are the ones that are going to make us stronger. Now, the other current--"
"Vir! Yes or no?"
"Yes!... You know,....somewhat,....why?"
-Babylon 5

I just had a big change happen in my life; I was laid off from my job of one year. Strangely enough, this happened at the same time I was trying to figure out a plan for my life and began this strange quest to discover the "real me" before I turn 42.

I am trying to view this as a rare opportunity. I had just been lamenting my lack of time to pursue projects or to finish my massive to do lists (filled with household projects, good ideas for websites or books, organizing projects, things I promised my family I would do, volunteer duties, etc.). Now, suddenly, I have lots of time.

On the other hand, my husband and I are both unemployed (which means limited money and no health coverage). That is pretty scary.

I could do what I did last time I was unemployed (strangely my husband and I were both unemployed at the same time then too) and apply for any job out there (even things that I know I won't enjoy)--which is how I ended up at the workplace I just was laid off from (and where I was increasingly unhappy).

The other option is to take this as a golden opportunity and use this time to pursue my dreams. I can take the little bit of unemployment insurance money, spend lots of time doing volunteer work and personal projects, and apply only to those jobs where it would be a true vocation to me (in the old sense of the term to indicate a calling of my heart).

In other words, I don't know whether to embrace or fight the current which the universe has placed me in this week. Losing this job was both the greatest thing that could happen to me and a horrible, horrible occurrence.

These are interesting times we live in--just like the ancient curse always offers to us. Interesting times are good--but they are not easy. That's where I am right now.

I can't expect things to be easy if I am going to complete my quest, right? The difficulty of my quest cannot stop me. I must embrace this current and swim to my goal. I'm diving into whatever fate is ahead of me and hoping that I won't drown before I find what I am looking for in my future.

Here's to "fate" and all that it is bringing with it!

Photo from Three Dots Flickr feed

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