Friday, April 30, 2010

The Fantasy of What I Could Be

About two years ago I read a fabulous life-changing article called:

The Fantasy of Being Thin

I had the FoBT in spades. Like many women, I was waiting for my life to begin after I lost weight. I needed a new coat, for instance, but didn't want to spend the money until I lost 20-40 pounds. I had so many plans but felt like they wouldn't be able to come true (or wouldn't really count) until I lost some weight.

I can remember as a child hearing "you are such a pretty girl, if you just....." There was always a qualifying statement. Need to stand up straighter. Need to lose some weight. Need to close my mouth. Need to ....whatever.

Never mind that I wasn't very overweight as a child. I look back now on those pictures and I am shocked. Sure, I was never petite. I was tall for my age and my bones are thick so I could be skin and bones and I would never be described as "delicate." I was a little chubby, perhaps, but never by much--not until years of dieting and hating myself caused more weight gain in my late teens (particularly once I was in college).

Still, like many young girls, I suffered through a lot of teasing as a child. We moved a lot; I was an only child. I was probably too smart for my own good (smarts are really not valued in women until college age or older--let's face it, smart young girls find things can be a bit tough). I was impossibly shy and rather scared of life. One of my big problems was that I believed myself to be fat. In fact, I believed I wasn't just a little fat, but so fat that no one could possibly love me, let alone like me. I was convinced of it and it shaped my world.

Fast forward to a year or two ago, when I stumbled across a little article (linked above) that told me that I could learn to accept who I am today and get on with my life. I shouldn't have to wait for some mythical fantasy of what my life could be like when I accomplished the things I wanted (like weight loss) but could do the stuff I want now, if I would just believe in myself as I am now.

Powerful stuff.

I wanted to share it with all of you out there who might stumble across my blog. Whatever things have been holding you back--the Fantasy which will make your life better--when you get more money or lose weight or finish your education or find a boyfriend or ....whatever. You need to give that fantasy up. It doesn't mean that you won't get more money or finish your education or whatever the Fantasy is. I'm not telling you to give these things up, necessarily.

I am asking you to stop waiting for that mythical point when you will have "arrived" and life will be better because you've gotten that Fantasy. You need to accept who you are NOW, right now, in this stage of your journey. Do the things you have been wanting to do.

I have a beautiful coat which makes me feel sexy. I didn't have to wait until I lost weight. If I should lose weight in the future, I can get a new coat. Then again, the same goes with if I gain weight. Really, my life will go on just the same. There are things out there I need to do and I can't sit around and put life on hold because of some goal which may or may not be reasonable.

Learning to love myself is a difficult journey, one that I don't manage to the same extent every day, probably nobody does. I can't say that I don't look in the mirror and think I'd be better if I just lost a few pounds. That thought does come back. Old habits are hard to break.

However, I urge everyone to do as I am trying to do--work on self-acceptance and live life to the fullest now--as you are now. Because who you are now is worth it. We are worth it--just as we are.

P.S.: Before I get a bunch of comments about losing weight and how I should go about it, please look at the same site's FAQ and some of the links there. Thanks.

1 comment:

  1. Yes we are worth it. These are wise words, thank you.


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