Avoidance Mentality

I've noticed that I can be very good at avoiding work I don't want to do. It doesn't matter that what I am avoiding might only take a few minutes and that I've been needlessly delaying for hours, making myself unhappy over something that could be over and done with, but I can still find a way to delay doing the work.

I'm not the only one. My husband is excellent about delaying things he finds embarrassing or uncomfortable. In our old house we had a large desk in our office which we didn't actually use. We mostly stored things in it. I discovered that my husband would stash things he didn't want to deal with under the desk, where he could find them later but wouldn't have to see them until then.

I took to calling avoidance putting things "under the big desk" and I'm afraid that I am pretty good at it.

Right now I have some work to do. It isn't that it is difficult or that unpleasant, but it isn't exciting and I've delayed it just long enough that I now feel guilty about it. That guilt is not something I like to face, so I delay some more. This, inevitably, leads to more guilt and so I'm in a loop of nonwork which is ridiculous when I examine it but, oh so easy to fall into when I don't examine it.

Examination is probably the key here. Silly excuses and petty delays are harder to keep going in the cold objective light of examination. The problem is that those of us who are good at putting things under the big desk, don't generally like to drag things out into the light of day.

It is for that reason that I keep this blog. To force myself to see what I am doing--sabotaging myself and my progress. I could finish my work and enjoy my internet surfing in peace or I can poke at the internet as guilt festers and more work builds up, making me forced to put in a long day of catch up fueled anxiety.

If you are good at avoiding what you know you should be doing, drag the reasons out into the light of day. They seldom hold up when examined. Then, like me, you can simply do the work--and feel better afterwards, wondering why you put it off in the first place.

Inflexible or Follower of Traditions: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

If I find a way to drive somewhere, I tend to stick with it, even if I think another way might be more efficient. My parents used to live at the end of a deadend street but years ago the street was continued and now leads out of their neighborhood to the main street, just as much as the way in and out I've always taken. Even though the new way is probably more direct, I have used the old one the same way I did when they first moved there because I'm used to it.

In the same way, I used to go to college by one route and home by another (because I believed that the traffic was best that way, found it worked the first week I started college, and never varied unless I heard there was a terrible accident along the route and I had to make emergency plans).

I have certain ways I like to do laundry or other chores. I have routines I want to follow for some activities. I find it upsetting when these ways are unsettled. It feels like there is a right way (the way I've always done it) and a wrong way (any other way).

Many of us, myself included, plan Thanksgiving dinner around what we've always done. It's tradition to have yams (or for some people it is tradition to have potatoes). Is there stuffing? Is it cooked inside the turkey? Pumpkin pie, mincemeat, or something else? People have traditions. The question is: when is it tradition and when is it being inflexible?

I think that it might be merely a matter of when the tradition becomes a problem to yourself or others. When it is a problem, then it becomes inflexibility. This can be when someone wants to change things, when a problem arises that necessitates a change, or when something isn't working but it is still followed in the old way because that "is the way it has always been done." I find some groups get like that with older members; some tasks or events are done not because anyone has a good reason for it anymore but because years ago there was a good reason and since then it has just continued, outliving its purpose or being handled in a non-efficient manner, all for the reason for tradition.

I've been trying to learn to be a bit more flexible. I think traditions are a good thing--but not if the traditions are held too rigidly and are causing problems for one or more people. Also when people get together there may be conflicting traditions, and when possible the traditions need to be a bit flexible to honor all the people involved.

I think this is particularly important during the holidays when stresses are sometimes higher and people are getting together with their families.

Beware of Ides: Why Fake Deadlines Didn't Work For Me

Procrastination. It affects most of us to some extent. I know I'm not the only one who has put off important projects or had trouble completing a big project on time. I'm certainly not the only Ph.D. candidate who had trouble writing my dissertation. One friend even talked about "ironing shoelaces" as what typically happens to people writing their dissertation: they'll do any trivial and unnecessary task to get out of doing more writing on their big project.

There is also lots of advice out there for fixing procrastination. One of the techniques frequently recommended is to set personal deadlines for a project or steps within a project.

I've tried that a number of times. I tried setting deadlines for my dissertation but I was always giving myself excuses. The same thing happened with my novel. I thought I had the perfect solution--to make myself work on my novel more often, I would set a deadline every month where I had to share my progress with my husband, and he'd do the same with his writing project. Since we'd have to be able to show progress every month, I thought this would keep us from slacking off too much on our writing.

I chose the Ides (the 15th of the month, made famous as the Ides of March when Julius Caesar was killed--"Beware the Ides of March!"). It was easy to remember, had a slightly ominous sound to it (thanks to the play) and was in the middle of the month so not too close to a lot of major holidays, so it seemed perfect.

The problem is that we haven't actually kept it even once since I started this program. That's right, in the 8 months since I planned to show progress on the Ides, my husband and I have not actually shown each other any writing.

The reason? Personal deadlines like this are fake. There is no bite behind their bark. I know there are no consequences for waiting a few days (which then turns into weeks). There is nobody holding me responsible for missing the deadline. I'm used to feeling guilty over not getting something done so this doesn't add enough guilt to make a difference.

During my dissertation, the only reason I finished was that my Chair announced that I was taking too long and set me a series of deadlines. If I missed even one deadline, she said, I would be asked to leave the program. Needless to say, I worked day and night to make each deadline (sometimes barely getting the chapter in to her on time, but never, ever missing the deadline). Those deadlines were serious deadlines and I didn't think about cheating.

I don't have the same pressure on me for any deadline I set myself. My husband would never hold me to a deadline in the same serious way and I know it. The pressure isn't coming from outside and is too easy to push off.

I suspect that this idea of setting personal deadlines only works for a small percentage of the people who have problems with procrastination. For some, it works because they don't have that serious of a problem with procrastination and the little extra personal competition (feeling like you should try to beat a deadline you set) or the discipline necessary to hold to a deadline was already there. Others may have a family member or friend who will hold them to a personal deadline with the same rigidity that my dissertation Chair did with me.

Unless one of these is true, a fake deadline may not work to stop procrastination. I'm still finding the perfect tools to help with my problems. People ar different in the ways they procrastinate, so the tools which are available need to be adapted a bit for the person having the problem. I seem to respond to hard deadlines, clear to do lists, strong motivation (reminding myself why I want to do something), appointments with myself, and timers. Sometimes these things work better than others.

I'm just coming out of one of my procrastination periods where I had a harder time getting things done. Things go in cycles – with my ability to get things done improving and then getting worse again. I'm now in the upswing so it is time to get caught up. Maybe I'll eventually figure out a way to keep me from crashing down into the nonproductive time periods, but I don't think it will have anything to do with the Ides of the month.

Accomplishing a Lot – but Never Enough?

Have you ever felt like you got a lot done but still felt like you should have done better because you have so much you still need to do? I've been feeling that way a lot lately. I have been working hard on an event and getting caught up on a number of projects. I've gotten a lot done. Still, I look around at all that still needs to be done and I'm not satisfied.

I'm sure this is a common problem. It seems that many of us find it difficult to be happy with our accomplishments. There is always a way we could have been better, tried harder, done more, or whatever it is that comes to our mind. Sometimes it is true, but even if it is, we often gloss over our accomplishments to focus on what could have been.

This may be the bias our mind has for remembering the negative. There are studies that show that people tend to remember the negative more. If you give someone 5 compliments and one criticism, the criticism is the one that will stick in the mind more. In the same way, bad experiences can linger, overwhelming good ones. I know that one trip I took with my husband is like this. Although I know I had a lot of good times, there were some rough patches (our airline caused a lot of hassle and stress and my husband didn't handle it very well, which stressed me). When looking back though, I mostly remember the overall negative feeling about that vacation, which is a shame because I'd been looking forward to that trip for 10 years.

In the same way, I have been feeling like I'm not getting anything done--while accomplishing lots of stuff. While it is important for people to see that there are still things to be done (and ways to improve), it shouldn't be done at the expense of recognizing the victories as well. We need to be careful that the negative doesn't begin to overshadow our perceptions and make things seem worse than they are.

For that reason, I'm trying to pay attention to all the things I do right this week--the goals I accomplish, the projects I finish, the progress I make. I can acknowledge all the things that still need to be done or the ways I could be better, but I am working on also celebrating all that is right too.

Holidays, Remembrances, Celebrations, and Traditions

Thursday was Veterans' Day here in the U.S. and Remembrance Day (or Armistice Day) elsewhere.

There were ceremonies, parades, parachuters, flags, and patriotic Facebook posts. Some people visited graves of veterans or helped the living vets with visits to VA hospitals or other groups.

Like so many holidays, I wish we could all be like this year-round. When Valentine's Day comes, we are reminded to make sure our loved ones know our feelings. When Thanksgiving comes later this month, we will be told to show our thankfulness for what we have. When Memorial Day comes around, we honor our dead.

These are all good things, but do we, as a society, need one day a year to be reminded to do these things? Why does it feel like so many people only do these things once a year, and not all year long? Why are the charities overwhelmed with gifts, toys, and money in December but lacking in help the rest of the year?

I think these holidays are good things. I see nothing wrong with all of us taking the time to be part of a larger celebration; I just wish that it seemed like more of these good deeds and thoughts were going around on the non-holidays.

It shouldn't take a holiday designed by Hallmark to treat your loved one to a good night out and a reminder that you love her. Do we only love our parents on the respective holiday assigned them? Do you celebrate Grandparent's day--yes, there is one--or do you try to express your love for your grandma all year?

When a holiday takes hold, people feel good about participating and then excuse themselves from doing similar actions later. That's a problem. Our society needs to encourage these actions all year round and reward it--not just on an annual basis.

As we near the end of the year and more holidays come upon us, ask yourself, isn't this something we should do more often than just once a year? Would our society be better off if we didn't wait for the one holiday but gave to charity or expressed our feelings or volunteered our time, or whatever it is which you do on these holidays, more often? If the answer is yes, do it more often. Don't wait.

Green and Pink Labelling: Making Us Feel Good But Little Else?

I've been reading a lot lately about "greenwashing" and the pink labels for the Breast cancer awareness campaigns.

For instance, did you know that there are now Carbon Footprint labels in Australia and the UK--and spreading across the globe--to tell you about the environmental impact of manufacturing and distributing the product? I'm sure you are aware of the growing range of products you can buy which are pink, carry pink ribbons, or otherwise are supposed to help raise money or awareness for breast cancer research. It's been everywhere lately.

First, let me say, I'm all for finding a cure for cancer--of the breasts or otherwise--but I'm sick and tired of the pink and the cutesy sayings ("Save Second Base!" "Boobies!"). I'm also less than fond of the idea of raising "awareness" for something that people are already aware of--can you imagine someone actually saying, "you mean, people can get cancer in their boobs? impossible!"

I want to raise money to find a cure--not to raise awareness. Too often the organizations behind these campaigns spend way too much money on marketing and administration and too little money on the research for the cure. That doesn't do anyone any good except the people in the organization who get paid for it.

Then there is the fact that we need to make people aware that heart attacks are a far more serious threat for most women than breast cancer--and is getting far too little money and research. And there are plenty of other illnesses which take people's lives which need the attention and research too. I think that the Breast Cancer people have been a bit too successful--making other causes suffer because people feel good donating to this cause--or worse, they feel good buying the yogurt and don't feel like they need to do more, even though buying the yogurt does little for anyone but the yogurt company.

I worry about this pinkwashing, and also the greenwashing, that is starting up in stores. I think it is great that we can find out more info about products--like whether they are local, organic (although let's get a bit more exact in our definitions, please), and environmentally sound. No reason why we can't get more info to make an informed decision. However, I worry about two things: how much we can trust these labels and will people simply feel like they are doing a good thing--while having little to no impact?

There are studies that show that we will sometimes do something "bad" after we've done something else "good" because we think the one excuses the other. Someone may not pick up their litter, excusing themselves as generally environmentally conscious--after all, didn't they buy that "green product" the other day. People may not give money to cancer research because they did their part--in buying yogurt, pink-themed products, and "Boobies" bracelets. That doesn't seem like the outcome we would want.

I think we need to examine products with Eco-Labeling or pink ribbon status and see what good it really does for the cause we care about. If we really want our products to be green, trusting the label isn't enough. We have to really examine the label's claims and who is claiming it--and know our definitions. If we want to raise money to fight cancer, we need to see how much of our money actually goes to the cause, how much to the product's manufacturer, and how much the cancer organization actually does to help fight cancer and how much it does for "awareness."

We can't get so lazy that the labeling companies do all the work for us. Then we are simply consumers driven by marketing, and not people making a difference. I'd rather make a difference!

The Long Slog: Sticking With It Can Be Hard

I'm on my fifth day of NaNoWriMo and I'm already finding it hard to keep up with my word count. Like many projects, I went into it with enthusiasm and hope, certain this time would be easier. Then reality slips in when my back was turned and I see how much work I will have to put into my project, day in and day out, to succeed. That's when the real work begins.

It can be hard to do a project when things seem overwhelming. Despite being unemployed, I have enough volunteer work commitments that I already write a great deal every day. Then there is my internet addiction. Between the two I spend 16 hours at the computer already. Now add the novel I've been wanting to write for several years but somehow never got very far. NaNoWriMo is supposed to help me stay motivated, and so far I'm not that far off track (mostly because I worked ahead the first two days when I was still in that first flush of excitement).

I just worry that this will become like so much else--one of those things which I leave half finished or delayed because I became overwhelmed. Writing isn't that hard; it's writing every day and sticking to it that is hard.

Like so many projects, just DOING it is half the battle.

Here's what I propose to get past the problem:
1. I will work ahead in my count whenever I get the motivation so that on tough days when I don't get as much writing done, I won't be as far behind and get discouraged.
2. I will write everyday, at least somewhat, no matter what.
3. I will set up reminders to myself.
4. I will read inspirational pieces, but not spend too much time on reading when I should be writing.
5. I will remind myself about my goals and what I will gain from finishing this first draft of my novel.

I hope this will help. When projects pass that first flush of motivation and start showing the difficulty or complexity of the project, it can be hard to stick to it. I just need to remind myself that I am in it for the long haul. After all, this is my life and something I wanted to do. I should stick with it.

Scares and Thrills: Not Just for Halloween

This started off as a scary week, but not because of the Halloween decorations going up. My mom ended up in the hospital. She's a baby boomer and, therefore, not that old. Both my mom and dad should have many years ahead of them since they had me fairly young. However, it is scares like this that remind you that life is never certain.

They are still running tests but so far they can't identify what is wrong with her. Hopefully that means that she will be okay but it is frightening when the doctors can't figure out what is going on with you. I've been there before for lesser things and it is a very frustrating place to be--waiting for a diagnosis.

As we approach Halloween, with its constant reminders of death and decay and humankind's fear of the unknown (including the unknown of what happens after death), this is a good time to remember that life is brief. We need to make the most of it. That includes telling your loved ones what they mean to you. You don't know when an innocent trip to a mall can end in an ambulance ride to the hospital.

Heart attacks and other illnesses can sometimes strike fast and without warning. We need to tell our loved ones NOW what they mean to us--and spend time with them while we have them. There is no telling when any of us will come to the end of our lives.

Rainy Day Emergencies

In Southern California yesterday, we had a lot of rain (for us, at least). It came down relatively hard for a time and kept up with sprinkling all day.

A couple of things occurred because of this:

1. My back patio roof leaked. I am not surprised by this because it has been doing this for the entire 11 years we have been here but we've not been able to afford to replace the screened-in patio roof. It is getting worse, however. The main problem was I had stored some items out there (temporarily, I thought, but it has been a month at least) and they were getting wet and had to be rescued and taken back into the garage.

2. We canceled a planned trip, partly because it is unpleasant to drive to the L.A. area in the rain.

3. I thought about how we are often unprepared for things like this happening, even though we know it is coming, eventually.

For instance, how many of you have an emergency umbrella and coat in your car? I used to, but it migrated out of the car at some point.

I do have a large emergency kit (with food, water, first aid, etc.) in the car because my husband made us two (one for each car--in those large buckets with lids that cat litter used to be in, making it less likely to be interesting to thieves who just think we are hauling cat litter around with us). I also have several cloth shopping bags (grocery style plus ones for normal stores).

It is not like we don't know it is going to rain. We do. I knew that the patio was a poor choice for long-term storage but I set those things out there because I told myself that it was just for a few days and it doesn't rain here that often.

In the same way, we often don't prepare for emergencies because they don't seem that urgent (until they are upon us).

I spent some of my rainy day yesterday thinking about how to better prepare myself for the unexpected (rain, earthquake, or whatever). I recommend that others do the same. We just never know when the rain will come in our lives (literally as well as figuratively) and it is better to be prepared.

Preparing for NaNoWriMo: Writing My First Novel (again/still)

If you have never heard of NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, don't be surprised if you hear a lot about it starting in a few weeks. November is NaNoWriMo and I will be participating in it again this year, and I'm not the only one.

Every year this online event gets larger and more people hear about it. The idea is to write 50,000 words between the first day of November and the last day of the month. It doesn't have to be a great draft, or even a finished one, but it does need to meet or exceed the word count. There are no prizes, other than a great feeling and a certificate and web page badge, but you will have 50,000+ words of your novel written in a first draft, which is nothing to sneeze at, if you ask me.

I have participated several times. The first two times were during my dissertation writing phase and while I thought I could do my dissertation and my novel, I gave up on NaNoWriMo within the first two weeks or so. The third time I was going to finish but ended up uploading some nonfiction I had been writing that month (effectively "winning" the contest but not with a novel--so it was sort of a cheat).

This time I've decided to try again, with the novel that I was supposed to be writing ever since I lost my job at the end of March. I have an outline and a rough draft of the first chapter, but I will need to start fresh and try again starting November 1.

Here is my plan (and you might want to consider something like this if you decide to join the fun and write your own novel):

1. I'm going to use the next two weeks to review my character descriptions and outlines to reflect some changes I have been considering to the plot, structure, and characters. If you are starting from scratch, this is a great time to make some decisions about what sort of novel you want to write and make some notes or outlines about your plans.

2. I'm going to get some work for other projects done ahead of time (some publicity work for one of my volunteer groups which has an event in mid-November, for instance, could be prepared early, which will be good for the group and good for my ability to work on my novel).

3. I plan to set aside specific writing times where I am not allowed to look at online forums, blogs, or web comics. I am completely addicted to the internet and it is a problem.

4. I've been reading several books in the last few weeks. I will read a few more before the end of October, and think about how these books structure their plot and introduce new characters. I will also look at passages where I like the dialogue and see if I can figure out what works for these authors. I hope this will improve my own writing.

5. I will not only update my word count on the NaNoWriMo site but I'll keep an Excel spreadsheet which I had downloaded last year which allows me to track my progress and whether I am meeting my writing goals for the day.

I am hoping that this year I will be able to "win" legitimately, for the novel I planned to write when I started the month.

Are you planning on joining in on the fun? What techniques do you plan on using? Have you "won" in previous NaNoWriMo years? What helped you do so (or got in the way)? Let me know in the comments, if you are out there.

Just One Change Can Make a Difference

Sometimes making small changes can make a big difference for the world.

Last year I told my husband that although I was happy that we recycled paper (with a container in our kitchen to gather newspapers and other paper products to take out to our blue can), and we gathered glass and aluminum cans on the patio (to take to a recycling place for cash), I felt like we should do more.

We decided to add more things to recycling, particularly food cans (for cat food and our own food). These now go in the blue can to take out to the curb.

It's amazing the difference this has made to the amount of trash which goes out to the normal trash can. I didn't feel like we used that many cans, but apparently they add up. Now, however, they add up for recycling and not the landfill.

It was a small step which took only a little more effort on our part (rinsing the cans and putting them in the right container). That little extra effort, however, is making a difference in the world, I believe.

Each of us could take a small step today to improve things in the world. I started carrying shopping bags to the store early this year. I am sure I could do more, but each small step helps improve what I am doing.

In the same way, I've decided that in my own projects I may have tried to do too much all at once. With my recycling habits, I added one habit at a time and it was successful. I'm trying to step back on my other projects and see if adding one habit at a time will work for them as well.

My recycling and shopping bag habits have shown that just one small change at a time can make a big difference. I'm trying to apply that to the rest of my life now.

Fall Back: Not Just a Reminder for Clocks

We are starting Autumn (otherwise known as Fall) and the weather will soon be cooling down (if it hasn't already). We will also soon reach the day for Daylight Savings Time where we'll be advised to "Fall Back" (a reminder to set the clocks back one hour). We'll also be advised that this is a good time to check our fire alarms and generally prepare the house for the coming winter.

I like Fall, and think these reminders are all good ideas. However, I also think that "Fall Back" can be a useful year-round reminder that sometimes when things aren't working, it is better to do a strategic retreat and regroup rather than forge ahead doing the same old thing and not succeeding.

In this way, I stopped job applications for a week, reviewed my resume and completely rewrote it, rewrote my cover letter paragraphs (personalized for each job but taken from a larger template depending on the job), and generally regrouped my energies since I was getting no where on the job market.

I got one interview (the first in 4 months) after this "Fall Back" (although I found out today I didn't get the position).

I've spent a lot of time recently complaining that I've not gotten as far as expected in my organizing and writing novel projects; in fact, that things were still disorganized and unhappy in many ways. I've decided to "Fall Back" and reevaluate what I've been doing and the techniques I've been using. Since I've not be succeeding, it seemed better to take a step back and reevaluate rather than just hope that things will improve.

Retreat doesn't not always mean surrender or defeat. Sometimes it is just a chance to regroup, rearm and rest--before tackling the battlements again.

Productivity and "Self-Help": Admiral Ackbar and Merlin Mann say it's a trap

If you have been reading productivity, personal finance, and self-help blogs for long enough, you know there used to be a very active and cool site called 43folders, where people like myself used to go for tips on GTD (Getting Things Done) and Productivity Pron (cool aps, neat tips, etc.). It was/is run by a guy called Merlin Mann who awhile back changed everything about that blog. Instead of frequent updates it meant to occasional rants; these rants became increasingly about giving up exactly what the blog used to be all about--reading about productivity.

The latest rant is a bit hard to follow at times (and has language which may offend some readers) but it ends with an intriguing image of a recent tweet Merlin wrote: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."

This (and some of the other bits of the rant) struck home to me. You'll know from reading my blog that I have questioned the wisdom of getting too caught up in changing my system and making to do lists, charting my progress, etc. I've been guilty of letting the self-help get in the way of the very work I'm supposed to be doing. I've also been guilty of enjoying my RSS feed too much, even to the detriment of the novel I am supposed to be writing.

I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. I also know that the simple "just do it" statements of people like Mann don't actually motivate very well. Sure, I find myself nodding and feeling like "yes, I should turn myself around" but really I feel this way after many a "self-help" article about productivity and motivation.

There is no easy answer for this trap. Each person will find her way out of it (or not) based on the goals that drive her. I know that my journey for this year has been all about me seeking my path to being able to get work done consistently and to find work which makes me want to keep doing it.

I don't have the answers, and neither does Mann (for me at least), but we both know that reading more self-help blogs doesn't get me there. As Admiral Ackbar (and Mann) would say "It's a trap!"

Give Some of Your Time: A Win/Win Situation

This weekend, starting today actually, I'll be busy with two different volunteer groups. I'll be working one event for about 12 hours today and then divide my time between the two groups tomorrow for a total of another 9+ hours and then spend another 8 hours on Sunday. I'm expecting to be tired by Sunday evening.

Why do it at all? First of all, because doing these events give something to my community. These groups are shorthanded and have a lot to do so they need people like me.

Second, I enjoy what I do for them. I will have fun during these three days, although there will also be tedium, hard work, and (in past years when the weather was hotter for this weekend event) miserably hot. (I'm glad it is supposed to be reasonably cool this weekend which will make it easier).

Third, I gain experience at these events which might help me in my job hunt. By participating in these groups, I can talk about how I have worked in an educational environment (running school tours today) or in publicity (I'm both groups' publicity person).

It is really a win/win situation when volunteering. I also get to know a lot of great people. Yes, sometimes I meet some annoying people or get frustrated by internal politics which sometimes go on in groups like these. I suppose that I learn a lesson about getting along with people too. That can't be a bad thing to learn either, so maybe even that is a win for me.

Don't think that you don't have time. Many of my groups are able to use even just a few hours a month. They just need someone to be reliable and show up each time. Heck, in one group we do an event every other month and if I could just count on someone to show up at that event to help set up chairs, it would be a huge bonus for the group.

Don't you have a little time every month or so to give to a community group? Think of the benefits--for yourself and others.

Donating Your Stuff: My Experiences with Organizing

I've spent the past year or so going through my closets and knickknacks to try to get rid of my excess stuff. This is particularly true during the last month when we've been going through all of our stuff, in the garage, boxes, closets, and drawers.

We generally sort things into three piles. There is the trash can full of stuff (or recycling since we have a lot of files which I am trying to purge). There is the sale pile. We try to sell things on eBay or other places (although we've had little luck with that in the past year or so as eBay as been an increasingly poor source for selling). The third and largest pile is donate.

Donation is a great way to get rid of still usable stuff (clothes, blankets, knickknacks, non-valuable books, etc.

I move the donation stacks out to a location out of the way--on a table on our enclosed patio this time. I then put the items in bags and make a list of things by categories. For instance, my current stack includes 5 sweaters, 15 tshirts, 3 jeans, 2 jackets, 1 blanket, 2 board games (1 unused), etc. I then decide where I am going to donate the stuff.

There are a lot of choices, from the typical Goodwill, Amvets, or other local charity thrift shop to specific charities which need actual items (children's hospitals or women's shelters sometimes want gently used toys or clothes or books). It is a great time to support a cause you care about. It can be more work, of course, to figure out that you want to support your local animal shelter, call them to find out if they want your blankets and towels (they often do), and then get the stuff to them. On the other hand, it can be very rewarding to know that your unwanted items are helping a cause you care about in your community.

When you donate your stuff, be sure to record what you donated. If they offer you a receipt, take it. Remember that it can be useful come tax time. I have a folder for receipts for taxes and that's where mine goes.

There are websites where you can value your stuff for tax purposes. Remember that you can't charge the same as a new price. Some tax programs will have a "value this" feature that will help you set a fair price for the items. Make sure you kept enough info on your list to figure out the pricing.

Take a look at:

http://www.sdgoodwill.org/donation_values.shtml
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p561/ar02.html#d0e545

Heatwaves and Lethargy

It's that time of year. It's hot, darned hot, across much of the U.S. In my own area of Southern California we are just starting our hot weather which may get worse by October. The average temp is 88 F during the afternoon.

I've never liked hot weather. There are really only so many clothes you can take off. When it is cold, you can fix that with extra clothing and blankets, but no matter how much I strip down to the bare essentials, it is still too hot in our house since we don't have air conditioning.

The main problem with this heat is that it tends to encourage procrastination. You feel tired and unwilling to do anything strenuous. If you stray too far from the fan, you feel miserable.

Every year I face the same problem in my home. It's too darned hot to want to work.

Here's what I am going to do. If you are in a hot place, I recommend you do it too.

1. I've got lots of water cooling in the frig. I have to remember to drink more water.

2. I bought a ton of great fruit at the store. Cool grapes and other fruits out of the frig help a lot in this heat.

3. I have fans in the major rooms. Air circulation is key.

4. I plan more physical activities for the mornings when it is not as hot. Computer work and less physical activities are better for the afternoon and early evening when it is warmest.

5. I acknowledge the heat and its power on me but balance it with a reminder of my goals and why they matter. I keep working but I take plenty of water breaks and stay within reach of the fan.

Buying Two: The Wastefulness of Clutter

Since we were nearly done with our big cleaning project, we decided to go ahead and expand our reach a little by pulling out things from our dreaded "Storage Closet." We have turned one of our closets into long-term storage and it is filled with boxes.

I was a little upset when I pulled out a box with a collectible and said, but we already have this in the other room. Sure enough, we had bought the same collectible twice. One we put away in storage and one we put on display.

That's the problem with having too much stuff. The stuff that is put away may be forgotten and we'll buy it all over again.

We don't have that sort of money to waste.

We'll try selling it on eBay but we may not make the money back since people can still buy it new. We'll almost certainly end up losing money.

It's maddening.

It's also why we started this project.

Sometimes when you get too much stuff, you end up not remembering stuff that you have. It's been nice to pull stuff out and it is almost like it is new to me.

It's also be rather discouraging. I shouldn't be surprised to find we own something.

If you are like me and you have a lot of stuff stored deep in closets or boxes (or worse, storage containers), I highly recommend going through this stuff from time to time. Decide what you really need to keep, and keep a better inventory of the stuff you have.

This will keep you from wasting your money and rebuying an item and also make it easier for you to find when you need it.

I'd also suggest you get rid of a lot of stuff. However, since this is the part which I have the most difficulty with, I will understand if this is a struggle. It certainly is in this household.

Progress Made: Sticking To It Till the End

I'm 90% through my sorting papers project which started about three weeks ago. The first week involved pulling out everything in the office, kitchen, dining room, and living room which didn't have a proper home or was otherwise disordered. Then I stacked everything by category. I've been sorting through categories, recycling a lot of paper and then finding homes for those papers I still need.

I'm down to just a few small sections now and am almost done. My house looks basically back to normal.

It would be easy to call it quits right now and call it a job well done, but I'm not going to do it. The whole point of this procedure was to improve things, not to bring them back to a status quo.

I think this is a temptation in many projects--to end when things are "good enough." We aim for higher but when the real work begins it can seem like finishing at 90% is a good deal. The pain that the last little bit of work brings often doesn't seem worth the effort. That's a huge mistake.

It is the last bit of effort which takes a project over the top--and pushes it into the really useful and extraordinary. I think we get too used to accepting the Pareto Principle and saying that 80% of the success comes from 20% of the effort and using this as an excuse to say that we don't need to put in the last bit of effort because we'll get diminishing returns.

That last 20% of effort is really where most of the success comes from. The Pareto principle is about making ourselves more efficient but it should not be an excuse, as it too often seems to be, to give up when 80% done. "Good enough" is not great.

I have too many unfinished/incomplete projects around my house to believe that 80% done will be satisfactory. That's why I will push to figure out that last bit of my current project. If I am right, it will make a big difference in how I see my home and how I use my papers.

Sticking to a project right through the end, now matter the time or difficulty, is the true sign of a person who will succeed.

Taking Control

For much of my single life, I'd get up and shower as soon as I was out of bed. When I got married, my husband changed a number of my habits, including my morning routine. For years now I've gotten up, had breakfast, read the paper, done computer work, and generally shower and dress as the very last thing in the morning. This often meant leaving the house with wet hair, but he preferred to get ready to leave at the last possible minute. I would try getting us going sooner, but in general the shower and dressing part of the day was always last minute. He would decide when we moved from the living room (where we live most of our day) to the bathroom and bedroom to get ready.

I'm one of those people who simply doesn't feel awake until I've showered. I also don't really want to do any work around the house until I've showered.

By delaying the shower, I would often waste time goofing off at the computer because I was waiting until he was willing to move on to the next part of the morning.

The other day I decided to change that. I took control of my own schedule. I got up on Sunday morning and showered as soon as I was up. After I got dressed, I had breakfast and read the paper. I did the same this morning.

It felt great. I was awake and alert, my hair was dry by the time I am ready to go out yesterday, and, even better, I feel like I've got control over my own time again.

I'm not really sure how we developed the routine we were in or how I had ceded control over my schedule to wait until he was ready to move on. It is especially weird since he really prefers to do work for as long as possible and resents interrupting it for showers and such. I'd rather shower and then get back to work, feeling refreshed and ready. We have opposite points of view but I was letting him decide when I did things and resenting it.

I don't know if I will continue this new schedule for every day or not. But at least I know that it was always my option to do things at my own pace. I don't have to resent things like this. I can take control and change my schedule and not have any problems. Instead of stewing over how waiting for the shower made me feel, all I had to do was take action.

Taking action can seem hard sometimes. Perhaps it is easier to think that "this is the way it has been and I can't change it" or to put the blame on other people, but for many things that bother us in life, we could make changes for the better--if we just took control and took responsibility for our own life and happiness.

Small Victories Upon Small Victories

We tend to want big victories. We set big goals and celebrate big milestones.

I think this can be a mistake. There are plenty of small victories which deserve recognition.

For instance, I've been organizing my house for two weeks now. The first few days were triage. We pulled all of the chaos out into the open and we set up a triage system where we gathered it into piles by type. We needed to see just how bad each category of paper was--for instance each of my groups which I volunteer with got its own pile. Some of these were quite huge, others small. None of these papers had a good home so things had been out of control for awhile. As I've stated at least twice in the past two weeks, the mess this system caused was extensive. We had stacks of papers everywhere where before some of it hadn't looked as bad; now it looked horrible. It felt like I had made things worse.

For the past two days, I've been working hard on various stacks, and I'm celebrating a small victory--the reduction of the piles! There are 40% fewer piles than a few days ago.

I'm not done, of course, but it seemed important to me to recognize my progress.

Too often, I think, people only look at the failure side of things. I had been thinking how bad the house looked right now. I am still less than half way finished. That sounded awful to me. Then I realized. I did 4.5 stacks yesterday. When you compare where I was when I started, I'm about 40% finished sorting and finding homes for what we are keeping (we are recycling a lot of paper--the blue can was full when it went out this morning!).

I'm not suggesting that, as a society, we need to go down the path that leads to celebrating every little victory. I think some places have gone too far, with huge parties for kindergarten graduations, trophies for participation instead of winning, and "everybody is a winner" attitudes. I'm not suggesting that at all. Don't celebrate false victories, but it can be important to acknowledge what we have done. It is not a failure to be 40% done with my organizing project. As long as I don't leave it at this stage, that is a great milestone I can be proud to reach. It can encourage me to keep going, knowing that I am getting there (slowly, yes, but getting there).

Sometimes it is important to celebrate the intermediate steps to victory in order to keep morale up enough to reach the end goal. If anything less than total victory is the only thing worthy of celebrating, we can too often feel depressed on the journey--feeling like a failure all the way until we reach the end. The journey should be as uplifting as the success at the end or the journey won't be worth doing.