In Hamlet's famous speech about "To be or not to be" there is a line that "the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with a pale cast of thought with this regard the currents turn awry and lose the name of action." "Thus thinking doth make cowards of us all." (quote from memory)
In January we see a lot of people whose "native hue of resolution" becomes pale and loses the "name of action." Every year people plan big for the start of a new year, and by the end of January these people are back to the same as last year.
I'm no better. Last birthday I made big plans; I started this blog to help me keep track of them. Instead, this blog has become the place to go to explain why I haven't made the progress I intended. The "pale cast of thought" has taken over and I am stuck in this currents that have gone awry.
What it becomes clear to me is that it is really hard to change bad habits. I am a procrastinator and making improvements to this, even when they would really help my life and the projects I am procrastinating on really matter to me, is HARD. I fear failure and I can't fail if I never try. That's certainly part of it. I also find it hard to resist easy temptations, like the internet, books, and TV. I'm a sucker for narrative, in all forms, so I get caught up in stories.
The problem is that my own story is unwritten--both my novel and my life. I will get nothing done if I don't become less like Hamlet--I need to DO, not just think.
I am not alone in these problems. In January I've never had more company, in fact, but somehow that doesn't make it seem any easier.
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, December 27, 2010
December: Monthly Update
Another month has come around. Every year I feel like time is moving more swiftly and this year has been no exception. The past month has been particularly fast forwarding, with all the holiday season plans and projects. I can't believe how soon my 42nd birthday is from today. I really need to get moving on my projects if I want to feel satisfied with myself when my birthday rolls around.
Here's my status so far:
Cleaning/Organizing: some success and some setbacks. The front of the house looks pretty good (had company over) but I sacrificed a clean office for it as I moved a lot of half-finished stuff in there to make the rest of the house look nice. I now need to pull that stuff back out.
Half-Finished Projects: Still have too many projects to do and a lot of stuff started that I haven't finished.
Jobs: No interviews in over two months for me, and only phone interviews from my husband in just as long. No job prospects on the horizon. I have a few things to apply for, my portfolio to finish, and some references to gather for one job application. Otherwise, we need to work on projects which could bring in money.
41 Things list: No progress at all. I need to print out that list and plan some of them for January. I'd love to have most of them finished before my birthday, like the plan called for but which looks harder to do. I think I have only 1/4 of them done.
My Plan for January:
No resolutions for me--not anymore than what I already resolved for this year-long project. I will continue to work on my goals for this year before I turn 42--to organize myself, get better about completing projects (including my novel), and to find out what I really want to do with my life (like a job, etc). I wanted to explore my life and figure out how to make myself happier and more successful. That's what I'll continue to work on in January.
It's been quite a 2010. I lost my job and turned 41 in the same week. I ran a large event with national publicity (and lost money on that event) while completing several interesting personal projects. I wrote in a blog on a regular basis (something I've never kept up with before--but struggle to come up with content and have few readers--hi there reader, speak up if you are joining in on my quest). I cleaned, organized, and found myself disorganized again, several times this year, and discovered that I have a really hard time with procrastination and completing projects, even ones I claim I really want to do. I wrote on my novel but haven't managed to complete the first draft even with a good start at NaNoWriMo. It's been a complex year.
I hope that I can make 2011 a better year. I know it is up to me.
Here's my status so far:
Cleaning/Organizing: some success and some setbacks. The front of the house looks pretty good (had company over) but I sacrificed a clean office for it as I moved a lot of half-finished stuff in there to make the rest of the house look nice. I now need to pull that stuff back out.
Half-Finished Projects: Still have too many projects to do and a lot of stuff started that I haven't finished.
Jobs: No interviews in over two months for me, and only phone interviews from my husband in just as long. No job prospects on the horizon. I have a few things to apply for, my portfolio to finish, and some references to gather for one job application. Otherwise, we need to work on projects which could bring in money.
41 Things list: No progress at all. I need to print out that list and plan some of them for January. I'd love to have most of them finished before my birthday, like the plan called for but which looks harder to do. I think I have only 1/4 of them done.
My Plan for January:
No resolutions for me--not anymore than what I already resolved for this year-long project. I will continue to work on my goals for this year before I turn 42--to organize myself, get better about completing projects (including my novel), and to find out what I really want to do with my life (like a job, etc). I wanted to explore my life and figure out how to make myself happier and more successful. That's what I'll continue to work on in January.
It's been quite a 2010. I lost my job and turned 41 in the same week. I ran a large event with national publicity (and lost money on that event) while completing several interesting personal projects. I wrote in a blog on a regular basis (something I've never kept up with before--but struggle to come up with content and have few readers--hi there reader, speak up if you are joining in on my quest). I cleaned, organized, and found myself disorganized again, several times this year, and discovered that I have a really hard time with procrastination and completing projects, even ones I claim I really want to do. I wrote on my novel but haven't managed to complete the first draft even with a good start at NaNoWriMo. It's been a complex year.
I hope that I can make 2011 a better year. I know it is up to me.
Friday, November 26, 2010
November: My Monthly Progress Report
This weekend marks the start of the 9th month of my blog. I'm not sure I've kept proper count in past progress reports since I think I already said something like this. Regardless, I started my blog on March 28 (on the occasion of my 41st birthday) and have been writing it ever since.
The goal of this blog is to have a place for me to write about my concerns and thoughts on self-improvement--because at 41 I realized that I was unhappy with the way my life had been going lately and I wanted to make it better but wasn't sure how.
If you've been reading my past posts, which a few people have been doing to my surprise, you'll know that I have been examining my difficulty with getting and staying organized, my issues with procrastination (particularly with various projects I have been working on, including my novel), and trying to determine what career choices to make.
I've had some ups and downs. I finished a major event which was a lot of work but afterwards I was so burned out that I spent months being depressed and getting nothing else done. I've just started getting out from under this but the holidays always mess up my schedule and add new stresses.
I've been unemployed since the first week of my blog, unfortunately (although I did hate my job so there are some feelings of happiness about this), and my husband has also been out of work for that same time period, having been laid off from his work a few months before me. This obviously has led to financial issues and stresses, which has not made my quest easier, although it certainly has led to more time being available for pursuing what interests us.
I made a list of things I wanted to do this year which would expose me to new experiences and force me to stretch myself more (break out of shyness, fight my fears, and try new things) but I've not been following through on this list for the past few months and would like to get started on it again. I enjoyed it when I was doing it. I tried a new hairstyle, wore a costume, tried some new recipes, etc. I don't know if I will finish all of them before my 42nd birthday but we'll see. I can, at least, try.
I was participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this month but it will come as no surprise that I've not been following through and probably won't meet my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm not sure why I've been holding back. Even on days when I had time, I've made excuses and not written that much. I did make some progress with my novel, more than some months, but I wish I had been more consistent on writing every day. I will have to work on that for the next month.
The end of the year approaches and I know that this is a time of the year when many people, myself included, often spend some time reevaluating our lives. For those of you on the journey of self-discovery and improvement like myself, I hope you will share your insights with me in the comments. There is no reason why we need to be alone while we strive to have better, happier lives.
The goal of this blog is to have a place for me to write about my concerns and thoughts on self-improvement--because at 41 I realized that I was unhappy with the way my life had been going lately and I wanted to make it better but wasn't sure how.
If you've been reading my past posts, which a few people have been doing to my surprise, you'll know that I have been examining my difficulty with getting and staying organized, my issues with procrastination (particularly with various projects I have been working on, including my novel), and trying to determine what career choices to make.
I've had some ups and downs. I finished a major event which was a lot of work but afterwards I was so burned out that I spent months being depressed and getting nothing else done. I've just started getting out from under this but the holidays always mess up my schedule and add new stresses.
I've been unemployed since the first week of my blog, unfortunately (although I did hate my job so there are some feelings of happiness about this), and my husband has also been out of work for that same time period, having been laid off from his work a few months before me. This obviously has led to financial issues and stresses, which has not made my quest easier, although it certainly has led to more time being available for pursuing what interests us.
I made a list of things I wanted to do this year which would expose me to new experiences and force me to stretch myself more (break out of shyness, fight my fears, and try new things) but I've not been following through on this list for the past few months and would like to get started on it again. I enjoyed it when I was doing it. I tried a new hairstyle, wore a costume, tried some new recipes, etc. I don't know if I will finish all of them before my 42nd birthday but we'll see. I can, at least, try.
I was participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this month but it will come as no surprise that I've not been following through and probably won't meet my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm not sure why I've been holding back. Even on days when I had time, I've made excuses and not written that much. I did make some progress with my novel, more than some months, but I wish I had been more consistent on writing every day. I will have to work on that for the next month.
The end of the year approaches and I know that this is a time of the year when many people, myself included, often spend some time reevaluating our lives. For those of you on the journey of self-discovery and improvement like myself, I hope you will share your insights with me in the comments. There is no reason why we need to be alone while we strive to have better, happier lives.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Accept/Expect: Finding the Balance for a Happy and Fulfilled Life
"I want to accept myself, yet also expect more of myself."
Gretchen Rubin, of the Happiness Project, often talks about self-improvement in ways that get me thinking about my own project to find myself (my own version of a happiness project, I suppose, although I've not defined it that way).
Recently she wrote about the balance between accepting and expecting. This was a thought which has surfaced for me a few months ago but not stated as clearly: if self-acceptance is important for happiness, where does the need to improve, strive, and change fit with the need to realize that we are good as we are?
It can be easy to beat oneself up while seeking to improve oneself. I can remember clearly the self-loathing and anger I'd feel while trying to lose weight. One time I was actually borderline for a eating disorder, my first year in college, and I would look at other young women and hate myself. I starved myself and did other dangerous things because I wanted to change and my need to change was driven by a deep hatred of who I was right then. Naturally, this was a terrible motivator and I eventually woke up to the dangers I was putting myself through. I managed to talk myself out of a very dark mindset, but my eating habits stayed negative for a long time and affected my health.
In a similar way, I am currently driven by a deep sense of dissatisfaction in my life which came up around my 41st birthday. I was in a job I hated (which, ironically, I lost within a week of starting this blog thanks to layoffs), having recently finished my Ph.D. but unable to find work in my field (still looking for work, 6 months after being laid off). I am childless, originally by choice since we delayed this for my schooling and then because it just didn't seem to happen, and every birthday reminds me of the increasing likelihood that we will never have kids. I want to write a novel but have done little to make progress on it (better but still a ways to go). I want to be organized but my house was a mess (this is improving). I had a long list of projects to accomplish but never seemed to finish any of them (also improving).
I know the dangers of change driven by an anger or hatred of one's self. It can cloud the judgment and also mask who we really are. My goal is to find out what will make me truly happy, to push myself to go for the life which will satisfy me, to improve myself but to also see myself for who I really am and find ways to make that work for me. It would be ridiculous to change myself into some other person because that person seems more successful. I'd never be happy that way. Sure, I envy some of my friends with their successes, but I'm a different person and there are different measures of success.
I'm seeking to make myself a better person--to accept who I am and make that person the best she can be, not to change myself into something I am not. It's the parts of me that don't work well, which hold me back and make me unhappy (the fear of failure which keeps me from finishing projects, the shyness which keeps me from making contacts, the depression which makes me become more disorganized) which I am trying to improve. That is where the expectations and striving come in.
The Real Me I hope to know better before I am 42 is not a different me--it's just a me who has worked past the obstacles holding her back from a happier life. Hopefully this Real Me will have figured out a way to make a living (finding a job which is more than just a paycheck--but hopefully one that pays!) and accomplish the goals she has set herself. I'm spending this year trying to get organized, accomplish goals, stretch myself a bit (with my 41 Things to Do Before I'm 42 list), and think a lot about what I want in life.
Part of what I want in life is the ability to accept who I am, including the fact that I'll be 42, childless, and maybe still unemployed--but very lucky to have a great husband, family, and potential. I can have a great life, striving to maintain the balance of self-acceptance and expectation, so that I can improve myself without hating who I am now.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Beware of Ides: Why Fake Deadlines Didn't Work For Me
Procrastination. It affects most of us to some extent. I know I'm not the only one who has put off important projects or had trouble completing a big project on time. I'm certainly not the only Ph.D. candidate who had trouble writing my dissertation. One friend even talked about "ironing shoelaces" as what typically happens to people writing their dissertation: they'll do any trivial and unnecessary task to get out of doing more writing on their big project.
There is also lots of advice out there for fixing procrastination. One of the techniques frequently recommended is to set personal deadlines for a project or steps within a project.
I've tried that a number of times. I tried setting deadlines for my dissertation but I was always giving myself excuses. The same thing happened with my novel. I thought I had the perfect solution--to make myself work on my novel more often, I would set a deadline every month where I had to share my progress with my husband, and he'd do the same with his writing project. Since we'd have to be able to show progress every month, I thought this would keep us from slacking off too much on our writing.
I chose the Ides (the 15th of the month, made famous as the Ides of March when Julius Caesar was killed--"Beware the Ides of March!"). It was easy to remember, had a slightly ominous sound to it (thanks to the play) and was in the middle of the month so not too close to a lot of major holidays, so it seemed perfect.
The problem is that we haven't actually kept it even once since I started this program. That's right, in the 8 months since I planned to show progress on the Ides, my husband and I have not actually shown each other any writing.
The reason? Personal deadlines like this are fake. There is no bite behind their bark. I know there are no consequences for waiting a few days (which then turns into weeks). There is nobody holding me responsible for missing the deadline. I'm used to feeling guilty over not getting something done so this doesn't add enough guilt to make a difference.
During my dissertation, the only reason I finished was that my Chair announced that I was taking too long and set me a series of deadlines. If I missed even one deadline, she said, I would be asked to leave the program. Needless to say, I worked day and night to make each deadline (sometimes barely getting the chapter in to her on time, but never, ever missing the deadline). Those deadlines were serious deadlines and I didn't think about cheating.
I don't have the same pressure on me for any deadline I set myself. My husband would never hold me to a deadline in the same serious way and I know it. The pressure isn't coming from outside and is too easy to push off.
I suspect that this idea of setting personal deadlines only works for a small percentage of the people who have problems with procrastination. For some, it works because they don't have that serious of a problem with procrastination and the little extra personal competition (feeling like you should try to beat a deadline you set) or the discipline necessary to hold to a deadline was already there. Others may have a family member or friend who will hold them to a personal deadline with the same rigidity that my dissertation Chair did with me.
Unless one of these is true, a fake deadline may not work to stop procrastination. I'm still finding the perfect tools to help with my problems. People ar different in the ways they procrastinate, so the tools which are available need to be adapted a bit for the person having the problem. I seem to respond to hard deadlines, clear to do lists, strong motivation (reminding myself why I want to do something), appointments with myself, and timers. Sometimes these things work better than others.
I'm just coming out of one of my procrastination periods where I had a harder time getting things done. Things go in cycles – with my ability to get things done improving and then getting worse again. I'm now in the upswing so it is time to get caught up. Maybe I'll eventually figure out a way to keep me from crashing down into the nonproductive time periods, but I don't think it will have anything to do with the Ides of the month.
There is also lots of advice out there for fixing procrastination. One of the techniques frequently recommended is to set personal deadlines for a project or steps within a project.
I've tried that a number of times. I tried setting deadlines for my dissertation but I was always giving myself excuses. The same thing happened with my novel. I thought I had the perfect solution--to make myself work on my novel more often, I would set a deadline every month where I had to share my progress with my husband, and he'd do the same with his writing project. Since we'd have to be able to show progress every month, I thought this would keep us from slacking off too much on our writing.
I chose the Ides (the 15th of the month, made famous as the Ides of March when Julius Caesar was killed--"Beware the Ides of March!"). It was easy to remember, had a slightly ominous sound to it (thanks to the play) and was in the middle of the month so not too close to a lot of major holidays, so it seemed perfect.
The problem is that we haven't actually kept it even once since I started this program. That's right, in the 8 months since I planned to show progress on the Ides, my husband and I have not actually shown each other any writing.
The reason? Personal deadlines like this are fake. There is no bite behind their bark. I know there are no consequences for waiting a few days (which then turns into weeks). There is nobody holding me responsible for missing the deadline. I'm used to feeling guilty over not getting something done so this doesn't add enough guilt to make a difference.
During my dissertation, the only reason I finished was that my Chair announced that I was taking too long and set me a series of deadlines. If I missed even one deadline, she said, I would be asked to leave the program. Needless to say, I worked day and night to make each deadline (sometimes barely getting the chapter in to her on time, but never, ever missing the deadline). Those deadlines were serious deadlines and I didn't think about cheating.
I don't have the same pressure on me for any deadline I set myself. My husband would never hold me to a deadline in the same serious way and I know it. The pressure isn't coming from outside and is too easy to push off.
I suspect that this idea of setting personal deadlines only works for a small percentage of the people who have problems with procrastination. For some, it works because they don't have that serious of a problem with procrastination and the little extra personal competition (feeling like you should try to beat a deadline you set) or the discipline necessary to hold to a deadline was already there. Others may have a family member or friend who will hold them to a personal deadline with the same rigidity that my dissertation Chair did with me.
Unless one of these is true, a fake deadline may not work to stop procrastination. I'm still finding the perfect tools to help with my problems. People ar different in the ways they procrastinate, so the tools which are available need to be adapted a bit for the person having the problem. I seem to respond to hard deadlines, clear to do lists, strong motivation (reminding myself why I want to do something), appointments with myself, and timers. Sometimes these things work better than others.
I'm just coming out of one of my procrastination periods where I had a harder time getting things done. Things go in cycles – with my ability to get things done improving and then getting worse again. I'm now in the upswing so it is time to get caught up. Maybe I'll eventually figure out a way to keep me from crashing down into the nonproductive time periods, but I don't think it will have anything to do with the Ides of the month.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Planner or Panster? Thinking Ahead
In the lead up to NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month--which starts today--Nov 1), I've been reading some tips on writing. One term that seems to be gaining popularity is to ask if you are a "planner" or a "panster." A planner is, obviously, one who plans her writing in advance. A panster is one who flies by the seat of her pants and does not plan ahead.
If you can't tell from reading my blog for all of these months, I'm a planner. In fact, I'm more of a planner than a doer, which is why I'm trying to change myself this year (thinking that this is the major thing holding me back from the life I want).
I've never been a "panster" or very spontaneous. I've envied people that ability to just go off and do things without planning. I have a friend who bought a house in early 2008, moving halfway across the country. 1.5 years later, he is selling that house to buy a different place 10 minutes from his first place. Why? Because he likes it better. I can't imagine just walking past a place for sale and deciding to chuck in all the plans for a place you just bought to buy a new home. It was so sudden and spontaneous. I've never been like that.
I have literally had to plan spontaneity into our lives. I'll be like, "next Saturday let's be spontaneous and go out to the park and see what we find." "Planned spontaneity" has become the phrase for let's go out and do something fun without too much prep or planning.
It's not like other people's spontaneity where they simply wake up one day and say "Let's go to the park now." In fact, when my husband has suddenly announced, "Let's go to the movies today" I've often resented it. I had plans for today. I had a list of things to do. Couldn't we plan to do the movie tomorrow so that I have time to adjust my thinking and figure out what I'll do before and after the movie? I know that I should be able to just roll with it and see these unplanned spontaneous moments as fun but I find them stressful instead.
In the same way, I plan my writing. In fact I have several stories in the planning stages. The problem is that, like my life, the stories continue to be in the future, not the present. I PLAN to write a novel, but am I ACTUALLY WRITING a novel? Not really.
That's why I decided to join in on NaNoWriMo. That's also why I decided to start this quest for my identity and life before my 42nd birthday. My planning hasn't gotten me to where I want to go. This either means that I don't really know where I want to go (a possibility) or that planning alone isn't enough. I need to figure out how to put the plans into action. Writing my novel is just one step to putting my plans into action.
If you can't tell from reading my blog for all of these months, I'm a planner. In fact, I'm more of a planner than a doer, which is why I'm trying to change myself this year (thinking that this is the major thing holding me back from the life I want).
I've never been a "panster" or very spontaneous. I've envied people that ability to just go off and do things without planning. I have a friend who bought a house in early 2008, moving halfway across the country. 1.5 years later, he is selling that house to buy a different place 10 minutes from his first place. Why? Because he likes it better. I can't imagine just walking past a place for sale and deciding to chuck in all the plans for a place you just bought to buy a new home. It was so sudden and spontaneous. I've never been like that.
I have literally had to plan spontaneity into our lives. I'll be like, "next Saturday let's be spontaneous and go out to the park and see what we find." "Planned spontaneity" has become the phrase for let's go out and do something fun without too much prep or planning.
It's not like other people's spontaneity where they simply wake up one day and say "Let's go to the park now." In fact, when my husband has suddenly announced, "Let's go to the movies today" I've often resented it. I had plans for today. I had a list of things to do. Couldn't we plan to do the movie tomorrow so that I have time to adjust my thinking and figure out what I'll do before and after the movie? I know that I should be able to just roll with it and see these unplanned spontaneous moments as fun but I find them stressful instead.
In the same way, I plan my writing. In fact I have several stories in the planning stages. The problem is that, like my life, the stories continue to be in the future, not the present. I PLAN to write a novel, but am I ACTUALLY WRITING a novel? Not really.
That's why I decided to join in on NaNoWriMo. That's also why I decided to start this quest for my identity and life before my 42nd birthday. My planning hasn't gotten me to where I want to go. This either means that I don't really know where I want to go (a possibility) or that planning alone isn't enough. I need to figure out how to put the plans into action. Writing my novel is just one step to putting my plans into action.
Friday, October 29, 2010
October update: 7 months into my plan
Yesterday was the 7 month anniversary of this blog. Much like last month's report, I'm not very happy with my progress.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
For awhile things were going well. I was organizing myself, I had changed to a three day a week blogging schedule and stuck to it, and I was feeling okay about my progress (although I was unemployed and uncertain about my future).
Then things got harder. Progress was first delayed by the enormous amount of time I put into a project and then completely derailed after the exhaustion and burnout I felt after completing that event. Since then I've been a well-meaning but mostly stuck in inertia person. I plan that "today will be the day" but then I pick up my computer and the next thing I know it is dinner and the house is a mess, the projects aren't started, and I have no idea how I managed to spend so much time on trivial things. I'm disorganized and depressed and I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.
This probably is natural for any project. There is the initial enthusiasm which then is faced with the reality of trying to do a lot in a little time. The burnout from overdoing it then creates a backlash which must be worked through and then the person climbs out of the low point and heads to victory. That, at least, how I imagine it will be. The question is how to climb to victory from this low point I've created.
I reached a plateau where I no longer see a clear path. The first stuff to do was easy, which is why I did it first. The habits I am trying to change now are the ingrained stuff that holds me back from being what I want to be.
I'm going to count my victories here and see if this can help me feel more motivated:
1. Started a blog and kept to it
2. Started a list of 41 Things to Do and did a bunch of things on it (although not nearly enough if I am going to finish them all before the end of March)
3. Began a major organizing project in my house (although this has fallen apart somewhat lately)
4. Did a major event which took all my attention 24/7 for 3 months and got national attention
5. Became more adept at marketing and networking--this is a major victory for a chronically shy person because I now can speak to total strangers and interact with them comfortably while speaking authoritatively and enthusiastically about a subject (I feel better about this in the last year as I've done more of it lately)
6. I've applied to many jobs which were interesting and challenging (and perhaps a bit out of my league, but I was brave and tried. True, I'm still unemployed but I am working on that)
The challenges ahead:
1. Getting myself back on track for getting organized
2. Write my novel
3. Find a job (preferably one which I am passionate about)
4. Get control of all those half-finished projects sitting around and those "I'd like to...." and "I really should...." plans
We'll see where I am at the end of November. I will start on Monday to start fresh and see if I can get beyond the planning to do stage and to the actually doing it stage.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Preparing for NaNoWriMo: Writing My First Novel (again/still)
If you have never heard of NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, don't be surprised if you hear a lot about it starting in a few weeks. November is NaNoWriMo and I will be participating in it again this year, and I'm not the only one.
Every year this online event gets larger and more people hear about it. The idea is to write 50,000 words between the first day of November and the last day of the month. It doesn't have to be a great draft, or even a finished one, but it does need to meet or exceed the word count. There are no prizes, other than a great feeling and a certificate and web page badge, but you will have 50,000+ words of your novel written in a first draft, which is nothing to sneeze at, if you ask me.
I have participated several times. The first two times were during my dissertation writing phase and while I thought I could do my dissertation and my novel, I gave up on NaNoWriMo within the first two weeks or so. The third time I was going to finish but ended up uploading some nonfiction I had been writing that month (effectively "winning" the contest but not with a novel--so it was sort of a cheat).
This time I've decided to try again, with the novel that I was supposed to be writing ever since I lost my job at the end of March. I have an outline and a rough draft of the first chapter, but I will need to start fresh and try again starting November 1.
Here is my plan (and you might want to consider something like this if you decide to join the fun and write your own novel):
1. I'm going to use the next two weeks to review my character descriptions and outlines to reflect some changes I have been considering to the plot, structure, and characters. If you are starting from scratch, this is a great time to make some decisions about what sort of novel you want to write and make some notes or outlines about your plans.
2. I'm going to get some work for other projects done ahead of time (some publicity work for one of my volunteer groups which has an event in mid-November, for instance, could be prepared early, which will be good for the group and good for my ability to work on my novel).
3. I plan to set aside specific writing times where I am not allowed to look at online forums, blogs, or web comics. I am completely addicted to the internet and it is a problem.
4. I've been reading several books in the last few weeks. I will read a few more before the end of October, and think about how these books structure their plot and introduce new characters. I will also look at passages where I like the dialogue and see if I can figure out what works for these authors. I hope this will improve my own writing.
5. I will not only update my word count on the NaNoWriMo site but I'll keep an Excel spreadsheet which I had downloaded last year which allows me to track my progress and whether I am meeting my writing goals for the day.
I am hoping that this year I will be able to "win" legitimately, for the novel I planned to write when I started the month.
Are you planning on joining in on the fun? What techniques do you plan on using? Have you "won" in previous NaNoWriMo years? What helped you do so (or got in the way)? Let me know in the comments, if you are out there.
Every year this online event gets larger and more people hear about it. The idea is to write 50,000 words between the first day of November and the last day of the month. It doesn't have to be a great draft, or even a finished one, but it does need to meet or exceed the word count. There are no prizes, other than a great feeling and a certificate and web page badge, but you will have 50,000+ words of your novel written in a first draft, which is nothing to sneeze at, if you ask me.
I have participated several times. The first two times were during my dissertation writing phase and while I thought I could do my dissertation and my novel, I gave up on NaNoWriMo within the first two weeks or so. The third time I was going to finish but ended up uploading some nonfiction I had been writing that month (effectively "winning" the contest but not with a novel--so it was sort of a cheat).
This time I've decided to try again, with the novel that I was supposed to be writing ever since I lost my job at the end of March. I have an outline and a rough draft of the first chapter, but I will need to start fresh and try again starting November 1.
Here is my plan (and you might want to consider something like this if you decide to join the fun and write your own novel):
1. I'm going to use the next two weeks to review my character descriptions and outlines to reflect some changes I have been considering to the plot, structure, and characters. If you are starting from scratch, this is a great time to make some decisions about what sort of novel you want to write and make some notes or outlines about your plans.
2. I'm going to get some work for other projects done ahead of time (some publicity work for one of my volunteer groups which has an event in mid-November, for instance, could be prepared early, which will be good for the group and good for my ability to work on my novel).
3. I plan to set aside specific writing times where I am not allowed to look at online forums, blogs, or web comics. I am completely addicted to the internet and it is a problem.
4. I've been reading several books in the last few weeks. I will read a few more before the end of October, and think about how these books structure their plot and introduce new characters. I will also look at passages where I like the dialogue and see if I can figure out what works for these authors. I hope this will improve my own writing.
5. I will not only update my word count on the NaNoWriMo site but I'll keep an Excel spreadsheet which I had downloaded last year which allows me to track my progress and whether I am meeting my writing goals for the day.
I am hoping that this year I will be able to "win" legitimately, for the novel I planned to write when I started the month.
Are you planning on joining in on the fun? What techniques do you plan on using? Have you "won" in previous NaNoWriMo years? What helped you do so (or got in the way)? Let me know in the comments, if you are out there.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Procrastination, Self-Direction, and Identity
Yesterday I read an interesting article about procrastination which argues that we can learn a lot about people and identity by studying procrastination.
It was well written and researched, but, more importantly to me, it also struck home with me. This is probably because procrastination is the one thing which has probably caused the most problems in my life.
Procrastination may be a "basic human impulse" but it is also a terrible strain on our lives. As the article puts it, "The essence of procrastination lies in not doing what you think you should be doing, a mental contortion that surely accounts for the great psychic toll the habit takes on people."
It is true that I often procrastinate, even knowing that it won't make me happy, either in the future or even while I am doing it. I may be relaxing and enjoying that new book I wanted to read (rather than the work I need to be doing) but I won't enjoy the book as much than if I had done the work and then read the book guilt-free.
Strangely, I did disagree with two points made in the article (both on page 2). In one, the author points to a study that he says explains why in our Netflix queue we have a lot of great classics but in the short-term we are watching light comedies. He says it is because of “hyperbolic discounting," where the person's short-term considerations overwhelm their long-term goals (the light, fluffy movie presumably fulfilling the short-term goal of entertainment over the long-term goal of thinking it would be good to see the critically acclaimed but more difficult drama). I think this Netflix study, however, is tainted by the fact that people want to impress the questioner. People will tend to overreport their desire to watch "good" films (those they believe will impress others) in order to excuse their poor taste in watching the lower brow film now. This has little to do with time management and more to do with the desire to show off.
The second point which did not resonate as much with me was that procrastination was caused by “the planning fallacy.” This is where people underestimate how long a project will take so they think they have time to waste before starting. In fact, it is usually the opposite problem for me. I will be faced with a task (not terribly hard) but I will think it will take a long time and put it off ("I don't have time to deal with that now...."). I may keep delaying this important but dreaded task for quite awhile until I absolutely have to get started. Then I'll be surprised that the whole thing took less than a half hour. I could have done it when I first knew the task was on my plate and saved myself a great deal of stress and avoidance. I seldom believe things will take less time than they will (except perhaps on really big projects, like my novel, where I keep telling myself that I will be done in no time--but then I never get started and the next thing I know it is two years later and I am no further along).
Both of these reasons for procrastination end up being less compelling and persuasive than the other reasons shown (indeed, even to the author who believes that the planning fallacy relies too much on ignorance and not as much on "complex mixture of weakness, ambition, and inner conflict" which are better explanations for the problem).
Here is where the article really hit home for me:
I have dreams of heroic success many times, but am well known to lack confidence in myself. I fear failure greatly and know that sometimes (with my dissertation, especially) I used procrastination as an excuse--"It was okay, but would have been better written if I had more time." I also love planning, something that has become increasingly clear to me as I write this blog. I will plan my attack on my problems but sometimes, like the past few weeks, I'll be all talk and no action. The planning alone seems to give me enough mental relief to allow me to put off the actual work I planned.
The article goes on to discuss a few solutions/ways of viewing the problem:
Divided self: if you see yourself as not a unified person but with an interior like a republic where each side of you fights for different goals, you can label one part of you the procrastinator (who wants immediate pleasure) who is debating with the part of you who wants the larger goal. Then you simply allow a negotiation to take place where both feel they win (usually by convincing the procrastinating part of you that you will enjoy the fun part more if you do the larger goal first). This sounds good, but I haven't had much luck with the idea.
Extended will: This refers to tools which force you to do things: like setting deadlines or having a program which cuts off your internet access to allow you to focus. Deadlines were the only thing that made me finally finish my dissertation, but I've learned that unless they are truly hard deadlines with real consequences, they don't help me. I tried setting deadlines with my husband but since I know there are no real consequences if I go to him and say that I don't have a chapter ready to show him, I never have a chapter ready by my deadline.
Reframing: This is something which has helped some and I want to do more. From GTD, we learn that many times we put off projects just because they seem big or vague (because we don't know what to do next). David Allen urges us to break the project down to smaller steps and concentrate on the Next Step instead of the larger picture. In the same way, narrowing our choices can sometimes make it easier to decide.
The article points out, interestingly, that all of these are a "voluntary abnegation of freedom" and I suppose that is true. Then again, much of our lives are giving up of freedom. We go to work or do things for others, giving up our freedom to do something else or do as we want all day, in order to get something (paycheck, gratitude from others, fame, etc.-- whatever it is we want). Freedom is only truly freedom when sandwiched between times when we are less free. None of us are truly free all of the time--there are always commitments to others or tasks we need to do but may not enjoy. The question is whether we can learn to give up our freedom effectively so we can do those tasks with less hassle and leave us more guilt-free time to do more enjoyable tasks and relaxation.
Can we learn to stop procrastinating as much and free our lives from its great burden? I certainly hope so. In many ways, this question defines my project for the year.
It was well written and researched, but, more importantly to me, it also struck home with me. This is probably because procrastination is the one thing which has probably caused the most problems in my life.
Procrastination may be a "basic human impulse" but it is also a terrible strain on our lives. As the article puts it, "The essence of procrastination lies in not doing what you think you should be doing, a mental contortion that surely accounts for the great psychic toll the habit takes on people."
It is true that I often procrastinate, even knowing that it won't make me happy, either in the future or even while I am doing it. I may be relaxing and enjoying that new book I wanted to read (rather than the work I need to be doing) but I won't enjoy the book as much than if I had done the work and then read the book guilt-free.
Strangely, I did disagree with two points made in the article (both on page 2). In one, the author points to a study that he says explains why in our Netflix queue we have a lot of great classics but in the short-term we are watching light comedies. He says it is because of “hyperbolic discounting," where the person's short-term considerations overwhelm their long-term goals (the light, fluffy movie presumably fulfilling the short-term goal of entertainment over the long-term goal of thinking it would be good to see the critically acclaimed but more difficult drama). I think this Netflix study, however, is tainted by the fact that people want to impress the questioner. People will tend to overreport their desire to watch "good" films (those they believe will impress others) in order to excuse their poor taste in watching the lower brow film now. This has little to do with time management and more to do with the desire to show off.
The second point which did not resonate as much with me was that procrastination was caused by “the planning fallacy.” This is where people underestimate how long a project will take so they think they have time to waste before starting. In fact, it is usually the opposite problem for me. I will be faced with a task (not terribly hard) but I will think it will take a long time and put it off ("I don't have time to deal with that now...."). I may keep delaying this important but dreaded task for quite awhile until I absolutely have to get started. Then I'll be surprised that the whole thing took less than a half hour. I could have done it when I first knew the task was on my plate and saved myself a great deal of stress and avoidance. I seldom believe things will take less time than they will (except perhaps on really big projects, like my novel, where I keep telling myself that I will be done in no time--but then I never get started and the next thing I know it is two years later and I am no further along).
Both of these reasons for procrastination end up being less compelling and persuasive than the other reasons shown (indeed, even to the author who believes that the planning fallacy relies too much on ignorance and not as much on "complex mixture of weakness, ambition, and inner conflict" which are better explanations for the problem).
Here is where the article really hit home for me:
Lack of confidence, sometimes alternating with unrealistic dreams of heroic success, often leads to procrastination, and many studies suggest that procrastinators are self-handicappers: rather than risk failure, they prefer to create conditions that make success impossible, a reflex that of course creates a vicious cycle. McClellan was also given to excessive planning, as if only the ideal battle plan were worth acting on. Procrastinators often succumb to this sort of perfectionism.
I have dreams of heroic success many times, but am well known to lack confidence in myself. I fear failure greatly and know that sometimes (with my dissertation, especially) I used procrastination as an excuse--"It was okay, but would have been better written if I had more time." I also love planning, something that has become increasingly clear to me as I write this blog. I will plan my attack on my problems but sometimes, like the past few weeks, I'll be all talk and no action. The planning alone seems to give me enough mental relief to allow me to put off the actual work I planned.
The article goes on to discuss a few solutions/ways of viewing the problem:
Divided self: if you see yourself as not a unified person but with an interior like a republic where each side of you fights for different goals, you can label one part of you the procrastinator (who wants immediate pleasure) who is debating with the part of you who wants the larger goal. Then you simply allow a negotiation to take place where both feel they win (usually by convincing the procrastinating part of you that you will enjoy the fun part more if you do the larger goal first). This sounds good, but I haven't had much luck with the idea.
Extended will: This refers to tools which force you to do things: like setting deadlines or having a program which cuts off your internet access to allow you to focus. Deadlines were the only thing that made me finally finish my dissertation, but I've learned that unless they are truly hard deadlines with real consequences, they don't help me. I tried setting deadlines with my husband but since I know there are no real consequences if I go to him and say that I don't have a chapter ready to show him, I never have a chapter ready by my deadline.
Reframing: This is something which has helped some and I want to do more. From GTD, we learn that many times we put off projects just because they seem big or vague (because we don't know what to do next). David Allen urges us to break the project down to smaller steps and concentrate on the Next Step instead of the larger picture. In the same way, narrowing our choices can sometimes make it easier to decide.
The article points out, interestingly, that all of these are a "voluntary abnegation of freedom" and I suppose that is true. Then again, much of our lives are giving up of freedom. We go to work or do things for others, giving up our freedom to do something else or do as we want all day, in order to get something (paycheck, gratitude from others, fame, etc.-- whatever it is we want). Freedom is only truly freedom when sandwiched between times when we are less free. None of us are truly free all of the time--there are always commitments to others or tasks we need to do but may not enjoy. The question is whether we can learn to give up our freedom effectively so we can do those tasks with less hassle and leave us more guilt-free time to do more enjoyable tasks and relaxation.
Can we learn to stop procrastinating as much and free our lives from its great burden? I certainly hope so. In many ways, this question defines my project for the year.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Just One Change Can Make a Difference
Sometimes making small changes can make a big difference for the world.
Last year I told my husband that although I was happy that we recycled paper (with a container in our kitchen to gather newspapers and other paper products to take out to our blue can), and we gathered glass and aluminum cans on the patio (to take to a recycling place for cash), I felt like we should do more.
We decided to add more things to recycling, particularly food cans (for cat food and our own food). These now go in the blue can to take out to the curb.
It's amazing the difference this has made to the amount of trash which goes out to the normal trash can. I didn't feel like we used that many cans, but apparently they add up. Now, however, they add up for recycling and not the landfill.
It was a small step which took only a little more effort on our part (rinsing the cans and putting them in the right container). That little extra effort, however, is making a difference in the world, I believe.
Each of us could take a small step today to improve things in the world. I started carrying shopping bags to the store early this year. I am sure I could do more, but each small step helps improve what I am doing.
In the same way, I've decided that in my own projects I may have tried to do too much all at once. With my recycling habits, I added one habit at a time and it was successful. I'm trying to step back on my other projects and see if adding one habit at a time will work for them as well.
My recycling and shopping bag habits have shown that just one small change at a time can make a big difference. I'm trying to apply that to the rest of my life now.
Last year I told my husband that although I was happy that we recycled paper (with a container in our kitchen to gather newspapers and other paper products to take out to our blue can), and we gathered glass and aluminum cans on the patio (to take to a recycling place for cash), I felt like we should do more.
We decided to add more things to recycling, particularly food cans (for cat food and our own food). These now go in the blue can to take out to the curb.
It's amazing the difference this has made to the amount of trash which goes out to the normal trash can. I didn't feel like we used that many cans, but apparently they add up. Now, however, they add up for recycling and not the landfill.
It was a small step which took only a little more effort on our part (rinsing the cans and putting them in the right container). That little extra effort, however, is making a difference in the world, I believe.
Each of us could take a small step today to improve things in the world. I started carrying shopping bags to the store early this year. I am sure I could do more, but each small step helps improve what I am doing.
In the same way, I've decided that in my own projects I may have tried to do too much all at once. With my recycling habits, I added one habit at a time and it was successful. I'm trying to step back on my other projects and see if adding one habit at a time will work for them as well.
My recycling and shopping bag habits have shown that just one small change at a time can make a big difference. I'm trying to apply that to the rest of my life now.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Fall Back: Not Just a Reminder for Clocks
We are starting Autumn (otherwise known as Fall) and the weather will soon be cooling down (if it hasn't already). We will also soon reach the day for Daylight Savings Time where we'll be advised to "Fall Back" (a reminder to set the clocks back one hour). We'll also be advised that this is a good time to check our fire alarms and generally prepare the house for the coming winter.
I like Fall, and think these reminders are all good ideas. However, I also think that "Fall Back" can be a useful year-round reminder that sometimes when things aren't working, it is better to do a strategic retreat and regroup rather than forge ahead doing the same old thing and not succeeding.
In this way, I stopped job applications for a week, reviewed my resume and completely rewrote it, rewrote my cover letter paragraphs (personalized for each job but taken from a larger template depending on the job), and generally regrouped my energies since I was getting no where on the job market.
I got one interview (the first in 4 months) after this "Fall Back" (although I found out today I didn't get the position).
I've spent a lot of time recently complaining that I've not gotten as far as expected in my organizing and writing novel projects; in fact, that things were still disorganized and unhappy in many ways. I've decided to "Fall Back" and reevaluate what I've been doing and the techniques I've been using. Since I've not be succeeding, it seemed better to take a step back and reevaluate rather than just hope that things will improve.
Retreat doesn't not always mean surrender or defeat. Sometimes it is just a chance to regroup, rearm and rest--before tackling the battlements again.
I like Fall, and think these reminders are all good ideas. However, I also think that "Fall Back" can be a useful year-round reminder that sometimes when things aren't working, it is better to do a strategic retreat and regroup rather than forge ahead doing the same old thing and not succeeding.
In this way, I stopped job applications for a week, reviewed my resume and completely rewrote it, rewrote my cover letter paragraphs (personalized for each job but taken from a larger template depending on the job), and generally regrouped my energies since I was getting no where on the job market.
I got one interview (the first in 4 months) after this "Fall Back" (although I found out today I didn't get the position).
I've spent a lot of time recently complaining that I've not gotten as far as expected in my organizing and writing novel projects; in fact, that things were still disorganized and unhappy in many ways. I've decided to "Fall Back" and reevaluate what I've been doing and the techniques I've been using. Since I've not be succeeding, it seemed better to take a step back and reevaluate rather than just hope that things will improve.
Retreat doesn't not always mean surrender or defeat. Sometimes it is just a chance to regroup, rearm and rest--before tackling the battlements again.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Productivity and "Self-Help": Admiral Ackbar and Merlin Mann say it's a trap
If you have been reading productivity, personal finance, and self-help blogs for long enough, you know there used to be a very active and cool site called 43folders, where people like myself used to go for tips on GTD (Getting Things Done) and Productivity Pron (cool aps, neat tips, etc.). It was/is run by a guy called Merlin Mann who awhile back changed everything about that blog. Instead of frequent updates it meant to occasional rants; these rants became increasingly about giving up exactly what the blog used to be all about--reading about productivity.
The latest rant is a bit hard to follow at times (and has language which may offend some readers) but it ends with an intriguing image of a recent tweet Merlin wrote: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."
This (and some of the other bits of the rant) struck home to me. You'll know from reading my blog that I have questioned the wisdom of getting too caught up in changing my system and making to do lists, charting my progress, etc. I've been guilty of letting the self-help get in the way of the very work I'm supposed to be doing. I've also been guilty of enjoying my RSS feed too much, even to the detriment of the novel I am supposed to be writing.
I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. I also know that the simple "just do it" statements of people like Mann don't actually motivate very well. Sure, I find myself nodding and feeling like "yes, I should turn myself around" but really I feel this way after many a "self-help" article about productivity and motivation.
There is no easy answer for this trap. Each person will find her way out of it (or not) based on the goals that drive her. I know that my journey for this year has been all about me seeking my path to being able to get work done consistently and to find work which makes me want to keep doing it.
I don't have the answers, and neither does Mann (for me at least), but we both know that reading more self-help blogs doesn't get me there. As Admiral Ackbar (and Mann) would say "It's a trap!"
The latest rant is a bit hard to follow at times (and has language which may offend some readers) but it ends with an intriguing image of a recent tweet Merlin wrote: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."
This (and some of the other bits of the rant) struck home to me. You'll know from reading my blog that I have questioned the wisdom of getting too caught up in changing my system and making to do lists, charting my progress, etc. I've been guilty of letting the self-help get in the way of the very work I'm supposed to be doing. I've also been guilty of enjoying my RSS feed too much, even to the detriment of the novel I am supposed to be writing.
I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. I also know that the simple "just do it" statements of people like Mann don't actually motivate very well. Sure, I find myself nodding and feeling like "yes, I should turn myself around" but really I feel this way after many a "self-help" article about productivity and motivation.
There is no easy answer for this trap. Each person will find her way out of it (or not) based on the goals that drive her. I know that my journey for this year has been all about me seeking my path to being able to get work done consistently and to find work which makes me want to keep doing it.
I don't have the answers, and neither does Mann (for me at least), but we both know that reading more self-help blogs doesn't get me there. As Admiral Ackbar (and Mann) would say "It's a trap!"
Friday, October 1, 2010
Already Perfect?: Self-Acceptance, Self-Improvement, and Smugness
You may already by reading what is one of the most successful self-improvement blogs out there, Zen Habits. If so, you saw his recent post "you're already perfect." I have been a long-time reader of his blog, but Leo Z's change in blog style had already left me feeling cold about his blog for quite awhile. This post only continued that uneasy feeling.
He's right that most of the people reading such blogs, like Zen Habits and Unclutterer or the other half dozen personal finance/organizing/life tips blogs I have on my RSS feed, are there because they have things about themselves and their lives they want to improve. I certainly do. That's why I started this blog--to help me keep on track, to give me a place to think out loud a bit, and to share my journey with other people even just a little.
Where I think the post goes wrong is not in telling us that we are already perfect, because I certainly approve of self-acceptance, high self esteem, etc. I'd be the first to admit that I tend to be hard on myself and to be very critical of both myself and others; this is one of the things I hope to work on during my self-improvement project.
I was taken aback by two points: one, he jokes about how if you can be content with yourself as you are"You can be smug about it, like me." I wish that was completely a joke, but it is that smugness which radiates from Leo's blog for the past year which has turned me off of what was once my favorite self-improvement blog. He used to have interesting posts with specific tips; then he suddenly changed, both the style of writing and then the style of the site. The writing is now as bland, formless, blank, and (yes) smug as the uncluttered style of the site. I hate to think that accepting yourself has to turn a person into a smug individual, happy in his own superiority and way of doing things. That is the last thing I want for myself.
The second point that bothered me about this post was that he then recounts various things we should be grateful for--our eyes, hands, etc. I completely agree with being grateful for what we have. I am thrilled that my ears allow me to hear music or the birds currently outside my window; I'm happy to be able to read books I care about and to be able to dance (maybe not well, but enthusiastically) whenever I want. However, Leo words it in a way which I am afraid indicates that those who don't have those gifts, those who are blind, or deaf, or unable to walk, or use a hand, etc. are automatically not able to be perfect and be grateful for it. Maybe this is another example of smugness, the nonacknowledgment of privilege for the writer, but it certainly increased my discomfort with the post.
As for my feelings, I do think that I need to work on self-acceptance, but I don't believe that I am perfect. Nobody is perfect. That doesn't mean I can't accept myself, flaws and all. And that self-acceptance doesn't mean that I can't work to improve myself, to work to make myself a better person even while being grateful for who I am and how much I have.
I'm grateful to Leo for writing the article, not because I liked it or agreed with it (it actually furthers my belief that I may soon want to remove him from my RSS feed for being no longer worth my time), but because it helped me think about these issues. It was the most engagement I've had with his writing in almost a year and it made me think about what I want out of the self-improvement blogs I am reading.
He's right that most of the people reading such blogs, like Zen Habits and Unclutterer or the other half dozen personal finance/organizing/life tips blogs I have on my RSS feed, are there because they have things about themselves and their lives they want to improve. I certainly do. That's why I started this blog--to help me keep on track, to give me a place to think out loud a bit, and to share my journey with other people even just a little.
Where I think the post goes wrong is not in telling us that we are already perfect, because I certainly approve of self-acceptance, high self esteem, etc. I'd be the first to admit that I tend to be hard on myself and to be very critical of both myself and others; this is one of the things I hope to work on during my self-improvement project.
I was taken aback by two points: one, he jokes about how if you can be content with yourself as you are"You can be smug about it, like me." I wish that was completely a joke, but it is that smugness which radiates from Leo's blog for the past year which has turned me off of what was once my favorite self-improvement blog. He used to have interesting posts with specific tips; then he suddenly changed, both the style of writing and then the style of the site. The writing is now as bland, formless, blank, and (yes) smug as the uncluttered style of the site. I hate to think that accepting yourself has to turn a person into a smug individual, happy in his own superiority and way of doing things. That is the last thing I want for myself.
The second point that bothered me about this post was that he then recounts various things we should be grateful for--our eyes, hands, etc. I completely agree with being grateful for what we have. I am thrilled that my ears allow me to hear music or the birds currently outside my window; I'm happy to be able to read books I care about and to be able to dance (maybe not well, but enthusiastically) whenever I want. However, Leo words it in a way which I am afraid indicates that those who don't have those gifts, those who are blind, or deaf, or unable to walk, or use a hand, etc. are automatically not able to be perfect and be grateful for it. Maybe this is another example of smugness, the nonacknowledgment of privilege for the writer, but it certainly increased my discomfort with the post.
As for my feelings, I do think that I need to work on self-acceptance, but I don't believe that I am perfect. Nobody is perfect. That doesn't mean I can't accept myself, flaws and all. And that self-acceptance doesn't mean that I can't work to improve myself, to work to make myself a better person even while being grateful for who I am and how much I have.
I'm grateful to Leo for writing the article, not because I liked it or agreed with it (it actually furthers my belief that I may soon want to remove him from my RSS feed for being no longer worth my time), but because it helped me think about these issues. It was the most engagement I've had with his writing in almost a year and it made me think about what I want out of the self-improvement blogs I am reading.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
6th Month Update: Out of Control Still?
It has been 6 months since my 41st birthday so I am halfway through my allotted time for this project.
In that time, I've written frequently about my desired changes and the difficulties in achieving them, but I feel like I've made little progress. Sometimes I feel like I've written more about them than I've done. Other times I remember all of the organizational work I did, the major events we worked on, and the small successes along the way. I'm not sure whether I am proud of myself or ashamed.
It's been a running theme in my blog, I find, to chastise myself for all I haven't been doing. I've spent the past two weeks planning on cleaning up the house, and instead it has gotten messier. I have allowed chores to pile up. I don't even have a good excuse for a lot of it, other than depression and stress (which are exactly the sort of thing I'm supposed to be working against with my projects).
Habits are a hard thing to change and I have a lot of bad habits. I'm addicted to being online, which is why writing in this blog is the one major success I've managed to be fairly consistent through this time. Since most of my other projects involved being offline, they've been spottier in execution. I'll go along fine for awhile but then a project will come up and I'll get busy, and the next thing I know I'm spending way too much time online and not using the time I have wisely.
I've gotten so bad, I've canceled my idea of having a monthly theme because I never seemed to do them. Instead I've been concentrating on one idea: Doing the Work. That's right, I'm not very successful about staying focused and actually finishing my work.
For next month, I will work on this even harder. I'm halfway through the year, and I would like to have more to show for it. Here's hoping that my journey will improve.
How about you? If you are on your own journey of self-improvement, what has been the most difficult and what tips do you have for solving these sorts of problems?
In that time, I've written frequently about my desired changes and the difficulties in achieving them, but I feel like I've made little progress. Sometimes I feel like I've written more about them than I've done. Other times I remember all of the organizational work I did, the major events we worked on, and the small successes along the way. I'm not sure whether I am proud of myself or ashamed.
It's been a running theme in my blog, I find, to chastise myself for all I haven't been doing. I've spent the past two weeks planning on cleaning up the house, and instead it has gotten messier. I have allowed chores to pile up. I don't even have a good excuse for a lot of it, other than depression and stress (which are exactly the sort of thing I'm supposed to be working against with my projects).
Habits are a hard thing to change and I have a lot of bad habits. I'm addicted to being online, which is why writing in this blog is the one major success I've managed to be fairly consistent through this time. Since most of my other projects involved being offline, they've been spottier in execution. I'll go along fine for awhile but then a project will come up and I'll get busy, and the next thing I know I'm spending way too much time online and not using the time I have wisely.
I've gotten so bad, I've canceled my idea of having a monthly theme because I never seemed to do them. Instead I've been concentrating on one idea: Doing the Work. That's right, I'm not very successful about staying focused and actually finishing my work.
For next month, I will work on this even harder. I'm halfway through the year, and I would like to have more to show for it. Here's hoping that my journey will improve.
How about you? If you are on your own journey of self-improvement, what has been the most difficult and what tips do you have for solving these sorts of problems?
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Lottery of the Job Hunt
I was reading a blog post a few days ago (I don't remember where) talking about the lottery. I don't play the lottery, although I know my parents buy two tickets a week. I've bought a scratch card a few times in my life, and even won a few dollars once or twice, but generally I laugh and agree with those who say it is a "tax on the poor" or a "tax on the mathematically-challenged." (And don't get me started on how it doesn't actually help education because they simply pay less for education out of the general fund, so it is like the schools didn't get the extra money at all, but the general fund benefited!)
However, I found it interesting how many people wrote in to say that they knew they were unlikely to win but they paid the $1 for the hope and dreams they get when they think about what they could get if they won the lottery.
I dream about what I'll do when I get a good paying job all the time, without paying a $1 for the privilege. Because my husband and I are both unemployed right now, both for longer than 6 months now, we have put our lives in a sort of holding pattern. The Unemployment Insurance benefits we get keep us going (barely) for the short term, so that we can cover our bills and survive while we look for work, but we know it won't last forever. We feel lucky to be able to manage, but we've always been fairly frugal on the day to day stuff (not as frugal on collections, but that's a different story!).
Being unemployed, one of the tasks I do all the time is look at job listings. I'm happy to say that there have been a few more per week the last few weeks, so maybe things are picking up. I got an email the other day indicating that I might be called in for an interview in about two weeks time, for a very good job which I would love to get (but realistically have to know that they are interviewing a bunch of people with more experience than I because it is a very good job indeed).
I often think ahead to how our lives could be if my husband and I had good careers going again: about moving to our dream house, taking vacations, and being able to relax a bit about money once again.
I don't have to pay a dollar for this dream, but I wonder if I have just as good a chance at winning some of these jobs as striking it rich in the lottery. The job market is almost as tough as the lottery--with just as bad of odds, it seems. At least it shouldn't be as random but have some connection to how deserving I am as a candidate so maybe the odds are more in my favor than the lottery, but still, sometimes it feels hopeless.
The good thing about this hopeful daydream is that it keeps me focused on applying for jobs, unlike the hope connected to the lottery which only takes more money out of pocket. I guess that makes me the winner, even if this new interview leads nowhere. I can keep trying and I am really out nothing.
However, I found it interesting how many people wrote in to say that they knew they were unlikely to win but they paid the $1 for the hope and dreams they get when they think about what they could get if they won the lottery.
I dream about what I'll do when I get a good paying job all the time, without paying a $1 for the privilege. Because my husband and I are both unemployed right now, both for longer than 6 months now, we have put our lives in a sort of holding pattern. The Unemployment Insurance benefits we get keep us going (barely) for the short term, so that we can cover our bills and survive while we look for work, but we know it won't last forever. We feel lucky to be able to manage, but we've always been fairly frugal on the day to day stuff (not as frugal on collections, but that's a different story!).
Being unemployed, one of the tasks I do all the time is look at job listings. I'm happy to say that there have been a few more per week the last few weeks, so maybe things are picking up. I got an email the other day indicating that I might be called in for an interview in about two weeks time, for a very good job which I would love to get (but realistically have to know that they are interviewing a bunch of people with more experience than I because it is a very good job indeed).
I often think ahead to how our lives could be if my husband and I had good careers going again: about moving to our dream house, taking vacations, and being able to relax a bit about money once again.
I don't have to pay a dollar for this dream, but I wonder if I have just as good a chance at winning some of these jobs as striking it rich in the lottery. The job market is almost as tough as the lottery--with just as bad of odds, it seems. At least it shouldn't be as random but have some connection to how deserving I am as a candidate so maybe the odds are more in my favor than the lottery, but still, sometimes it feels hopeless.
The good thing about this hopeful daydream is that it keeps me focused on applying for jobs, unlike the hope connected to the lottery which only takes more money out of pocket. I guess that makes me the winner, even if this new interview leads nowhere. I can keep trying and I am really out nothing.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Exceptional Life: It Isn't About Being an Exception
Trent over at the Simple Dollar just had a post called The Myth of the Exceptional Life.
It is not unusual for me to disagree with Trent; although I enjoy the site, he does sometimes have opinions I disagree with--often not about finances but general philosophy and outlook.
I found this post interesting for two reasons: 1. He implies that an exceptional life is about being an exception and that 2. Exceptional life means comparing yourself to others (which seems to be about material goods).
I disagree with both of these ideas. I don't believe that living an exceptional life means that few have it. Sure, the word "Exceptional" comes from "Exception" but I don't know that it necessarily excludes the majority of people. I am not sure where the idea that if you could live a great life (one that is better than what you might have led) it excludes other people from doing so to comes from --rather than the idea that it excludes that lesser life you could have led. It is not a Zero Sum game. I believe everyone could lead an exceptional life (under the right circumstances--but each would look different than the next).
I also don't believe that the exceptional life necessitates people comparing themselves to others or being drawn to material goals. Trent, in his youth, was obsessed with keeping up with the Jones--doing as many people do and seeking to impress through spending. He now counsels against this, which is great, but he also tends to associate everything with that mindset.
Maybe because I am older than him (I believe) I see things differently. My exceptional life was never about other people, although some people like Trent would see it that way since it partly involves material things. My exceptional life is partly about my collections and about the home I desire. However, collections don't have to be about comparing to others but about the inner joy that I gain through my interests. I am a book collector; I love books. I love reading books and being surrounded by books. I have books that you just can't walk into a library and find. I have beautiful and scarce books. For me the physical object of the book is important and I am the curator for a future generation, caring for this edition of the book for the future. This brings great joy to me but it is not about materialism the way his gadgets, clothes or car might have been. It is part of how I view myself.
I am spending this year seeking ways to gain my exceptional life. It is not a myth. It is not about being an exception to others (as if only some people can gain the best life they can) nor is it about comparing myself to others. It is about recognizing what I want for my future and figuring out how to get there. This is partly trying to find a job which is not just a paycheck but is a calling and partly about getting myself organized and content with my life. The contentment will come as I get in touch with who I really am, now that I am almost 42.
I have found that who I am changes over time and somewhere while I was getting my degree, I lost track of who I am and what makes me happy. I also lost the ability to pursue the goals I say I want (like writing my novel). I am still working on gaining that back. When I do, I think my exceptional life will come.
It is not unusual for me to disagree with Trent; although I enjoy the site, he does sometimes have opinions I disagree with--often not about finances but general philosophy and outlook.
I found this post interesting for two reasons: 1. He implies that an exceptional life is about being an exception and that 2. Exceptional life means comparing yourself to others (which seems to be about material goods).
I disagree with both of these ideas. I don't believe that living an exceptional life means that few have it. Sure, the word "Exceptional" comes from "Exception" but I don't know that it necessarily excludes the majority of people. I am not sure where the idea that if you could live a great life (one that is better than what you might have led) it excludes other people from doing so to comes from --rather than the idea that it excludes that lesser life you could have led. It is not a Zero Sum game. I believe everyone could lead an exceptional life (under the right circumstances--but each would look different than the next).
I also don't believe that the exceptional life necessitates people comparing themselves to others or being drawn to material goals. Trent, in his youth, was obsessed with keeping up with the Jones--doing as many people do and seeking to impress through spending. He now counsels against this, which is great, but he also tends to associate everything with that mindset.
Maybe because I am older than him (I believe) I see things differently. My exceptional life was never about other people, although some people like Trent would see it that way since it partly involves material things. My exceptional life is partly about my collections and about the home I desire. However, collections don't have to be about comparing to others but about the inner joy that I gain through my interests. I am a book collector; I love books. I love reading books and being surrounded by books. I have books that you just can't walk into a library and find. I have beautiful and scarce books. For me the physical object of the book is important and I am the curator for a future generation, caring for this edition of the book for the future. This brings great joy to me but it is not about materialism the way his gadgets, clothes or car might have been. It is part of how I view myself.
I am spending this year seeking ways to gain my exceptional life. It is not a myth. It is not about being an exception to others (as if only some people can gain the best life they can) nor is it about comparing myself to others. It is about recognizing what I want for my future and figuring out how to get there. This is partly trying to find a job which is not just a paycheck but is a calling and partly about getting myself organized and content with my life. The contentment will come as I get in touch with who I really am, now that I am almost 42.
I have found that who I am changes over time and somewhere while I was getting my degree, I lost track of who I am and what makes me happy. I also lost the ability to pursue the goals I say I want (like writing my novel). I am still working on gaining that back. When I do, I think my exceptional life will come.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Deeds, not Words: Difficult but Important
Over at Get Rich Slowly, there is a great post about the difference between a Doer and a Talker.
This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the TV show The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. Young Indy has met a suffragette he is crazy about and her motto is "Deeds, not Words!" She constantly confronts him to do what he says, not just talk to her. For instance, saying that he loves her isn't enough if his deeds don't show it.
This gets at the heart of what is my greatest challenge--to move beyond simply saying I am going to do something and actually DOING it. I'm a great planner. I have all sorts of goals and ideas. I have a list that is a page long of stuff I'm supposedly doing, but most of them have had little to no progress.
Instead, I always have some excuse. I got busy on another project. I need to finish organizing this closet. I have to work on this. I'm too tired right now. It can wait till later. I'll just check my email first (and then maybe my RSS feed.....).
Even this blog is just all words. If I don't actually DO the stuff I talk about, my life won't get any better.
It's often hard. It's also very worthwhile.
My goal is to get better at being a "Doer" and not just a "Talker." I'll be working at that today. How about you? Just do what I'm going to do. Stop reading about doing things, and go do one thing that you've been meaning to do. Make progress on some important goal.
Be a doer. We can do it!
This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the TV show The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. Young Indy has met a suffragette he is crazy about and her motto is "Deeds, not Words!" She constantly confronts him to do what he says, not just talk to her. For instance, saying that he loves her isn't enough if his deeds don't show it.
This gets at the heart of what is my greatest challenge--to move beyond simply saying I am going to do something and actually DOING it. I'm a great planner. I have all sorts of goals and ideas. I have a list that is a page long of stuff I'm supposedly doing, but most of them have had little to no progress.
Instead, I always have some excuse. I got busy on another project. I need to finish organizing this closet. I have to work on this. I'm too tired right now. It can wait till later. I'll just check my email first (and then maybe my RSS feed.....).
Even this blog is just all words. If I don't actually DO the stuff I talk about, my life won't get any better.
It's often hard. It's also very worthwhile.
My goal is to get better at being a "Doer" and not just a "Talker." I'll be working at that today. How about you? Just do what I'm going to do. Stop reading about doing things, and go do one thing that you've been meaning to do. Make progress on some important goal.
Be a doer. We can do it!
Friday, August 27, 2010
5 Month Update: Ups and Downs of a Rollercoaster Life
My life has been a series of contradictions since I started this blog on my 41st birthday.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
I lost my job, but I'm so busy with (unpaid) work that I barely have time to do anything.
I often feel like a failure because I don't know what to do with my life, but I've been photographed and interviewed for multiple magazines, newspapers, and radio shows connected to my hobbies, a big event I organized, and my volunteering.
I say I want to be a novelist and have some grand plans for projects, but I've not gotten any of these projects or my novels started.
It's odd. I still don't understand myself that well. I often put off doing those things that I want most (my dissertation took FOREVER!). For a smart person, I'm awfully dumb about some things.
My house project went back to chaotic again when I was 95% done. That's because we pulled out another whole closet and made a big mess again. Instead of finding places for those last few stacks, I created more stacks from a new project and made a disaster area of our living room. It's discouraging but if I keep going I will be better for it.
For my list of "41 Things to Do Before I Turn 42" I have now eaten a new fruit (see my post on the tamatillo) and today I will be doing some sewing so we'll see how far I get in finishing a complete clothing item. I am also buying the ingredients for Cornish Pasty so that will be another item on my list. I've come close to rolling down a hill but chickened out since the clothing I was wearing and the setting I was in were not conducive to rolling around on the ground. Will need to be in a more informal setting. Still, the thought occurs whenever I'm near nice grassy hills, even when not the best time. I'll let go one of these days and do it.
I can't believe that it has been five months since my birthday (and loss of job). Time flies by so quickly.
I look forward to what this next month will bring me. I'm going to work harder at finishing projects. I'm good at starting things and planning things but not always good on the follow through. That's what I am working on this year. We'll see where it takes me.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Progress Made: Sticking To It Till the End
I'm 90% through my sorting papers project which started about three weeks ago. The first week involved pulling out everything in the office, kitchen, dining room, and living room which didn't have a proper home or was otherwise disordered. Then I stacked everything by category. I've been sorting through categories, recycling a lot of paper and then finding homes for those papers I still need.
I'm down to just a few small sections now and am almost done. My house looks basically back to normal.
It would be easy to call it quits right now and call it a job well done, but I'm not going to do it. The whole point of this procedure was to improve things, not to bring them back to a status quo.
I think this is a temptation in many projects--to end when things are "good enough." We aim for higher but when the real work begins it can seem like finishing at 90% is a good deal. The pain that the last little bit of work brings often doesn't seem worth the effort. That's a huge mistake.
It is the last bit of effort which takes a project over the top--and pushes it into the really useful and extraordinary. I think we get too used to accepting the Pareto Principle and saying that 80% of the success comes from 20% of the effort and using this as an excuse to say that we don't need to put in the last bit of effort because we'll get diminishing returns.
That last 20% of effort is really where most of the success comes from. The Pareto principle is about making ourselves more efficient but it should not be an excuse, as it too often seems to be, to give up when 80% done. "Good enough" is not great.
I have too many unfinished/incomplete projects around my house to believe that 80% done will be satisfactory. That's why I will push to figure out that last bit of my current project. If I am right, it will make a big difference in how I see my home and how I use my papers.
Sticking to a project right through the end, now matter the time or difficulty, is the true sign of a person who will succeed.
I'm down to just a few small sections now and am almost done. My house looks basically back to normal.
It would be easy to call it quits right now and call it a job well done, but I'm not going to do it. The whole point of this procedure was to improve things, not to bring them back to a status quo.
I think this is a temptation in many projects--to end when things are "good enough." We aim for higher but when the real work begins it can seem like finishing at 90% is a good deal. The pain that the last little bit of work brings often doesn't seem worth the effort. That's a huge mistake.
It is the last bit of effort which takes a project over the top--and pushes it into the really useful and extraordinary. I think we get too used to accepting the Pareto Principle and saying that 80% of the success comes from 20% of the effort and using this as an excuse to say that we don't need to put in the last bit of effort because we'll get diminishing returns.
That last 20% of effort is really where most of the success comes from. The Pareto principle is about making ourselves more efficient but it should not be an excuse, as it too often seems to be, to give up when 80% done. "Good enough" is not great.
I have too many unfinished/incomplete projects around my house to believe that 80% done will be satisfactory. That's why I will push to figure out that last bit of my current project. If I am right, it will make a big difference in how I see my home and how I use my papers.
Sticking to a project right through the end, now matter the time or difficulty, is the true sign of a person who will succeed.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Small Victories Upon Small Victories
We tend to want big victories. We set big goals and celebrate big milestones.
I think this can be a mistake. There are plenty of small victories which deserve recognition.
For instance, I've been organizing my house for two weeks now. The first few days were triage. We pulled all of the chaos out into the open and we set up a triage system where we gathered it into piles by type. We needed to see just how bad each category of paper was--for instance each of my groups which I volunteer with got its own pile. Some of these were quite huge, others small. None of these papers had a good home so things had been out of control for awhile. As I've stated at least twice in the past two weeks, the mess this system caused was extensive. We had stacks of papers everywhere where before some of it hadn't looked as bad; now it looked horrible. It felt like I had made things worse.
For the past two days, I've been working hard on various stacks, and I'm celebrating a small victory--the reduction of the piles! There are 40% fewer piles than a few days ago.
I'm not done, of course, but it seemed important to me to recognize my progress.
Too often, I think, people only look at the failure side of things. I had been thinking how bad the house looked right now. I am still less than half way finished. That sounded awful to me. Then I realized. I did 4.5 stacks yesterday. When you compare where I was when I started, I'm about 40% finished sorting and finding homes for what we are keeping (we are recycling a lot of paper--the blue can was full when it went out this morning!).
I'm not suggesting that, as a society, we need to go down the path that leads to celebrating every little victory. I think some places have gone too far, with huge parties for kindergarten graduations, trophies for participation instead of winning, and "everybody is a winner" attitudes. I'm not suggesting that at all. Don't celebrate false victories, but it can be important to acknowledge what we have done. It is not a failure to be 40% done with my organizing project. As long as I don't leave it at this stage, that is a great milestone I can be proud to reach. It can encourage me to keep going, knowing that I am getting there (slowly, yes, but getting there).
Sometimes it is important to celebrate the intermediate steps to victory in order to keep morale up enough to reach the end goal. If anything less than total victory is the only thing worthy of celebrating, we can too often feel depressed on the journey--feeling like a failure all the way until we reach the end. The journey should be as uplifting as the success at the end or the journey won't be worth doing.
I think this can be a mistake. There are plenty of small victories which deserve recognition.
For instance, I've been organizing my house for two weeks now. The first few days were triage. We pulled all of the chaos out into the open and we set up a triage system where we gathered it into piles by type. We needed to see just how bad each category of paper was--for instance each of my groups which I volunteer with got its own pile. Some of these were quite huge, others small. None of these papers had a good home so things had been out of control for awhile. As I've stated at least twice in the past two weeks, the mess this system caused was extensive. We had stacks of papers everywhere where before some of it hadn't looked as bad; now it looked horrible. It felt like I had made things worse.
For the past two days, I've been working hard on various stacks, and I'm celebrating a small victory--the reduction of the piles! There are 40% fewer piles than a few days ago.
I'm not done, of course, but it seemed important to me to recognize my progress.
Too often, I think, people only look at the failure side of things. I had been thinking how bad the house looked right now. I am still less than half way finished. That sounded awful to me. Then I realized. I did 4.5 stacks yesterday. When you compare where I was when I started, I'm about 40% finished sorting and finding homes for what we are keeping (we are recycling a lot of paper--the blue can was full when it went out this morning!).
I'm not suggesting that, as a society, we need to go down the path that leads to celebrating every little victory. I think some places have gone too far, with huge parties for kindergarten graduations, trophies for participation instead of winning, and "everybody is a winner" attitudes. I'm not suggesting that at all. Don't celebrate false victories, but it can be important to acknowledge what we have done. It is not a failure to be 40% done with my organizing project. As long as I don't leave it at this stage, that is a great milestone I can be proud to reach. It can encourage me to keep going, knowing that I am getting there (slowly, yes, but getting there).
Sometimes it is important to celebrate the intermediate steps to victory in order to keep morale up enough to reach the end goal. If anything less than total victory is the only thing worthy of celebrating, we can too often feel depressed on the journey--feeling like a failure all the way until we reach the end. The journey should be as uplifting as the success at the end or the journey won't be worth doing.
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